well the weekend is over, and it was a meh weekend full of me being sick. anywho, i guess i am not sure what to write today. there really hasn't been anything popping into my mind that needs to be talked about i suppose. i talked to zach last night about some things, which would be the normal stuff we talk about. basically if everything is alright on my side of the state, since i can tell him just about anything and he tries to help me as much as possible. it is funny how you can find out who your true friends are when you go to college. it is super funny how one person can make someone else be iffy on things as well.
the whole de-friending you on facebook thing is sort of silly but at the same time, how are you suppose to feel when it is your best friend taking you off their friend list? the person who has been there for you no matter what and for that person to make you pick and choose your friends. does that really make them a friend? when it is your best friend that you dont know why she are friends with in the first place? high school was fun with him, because he never did treat me like a sister/friend. i was always the person he ignored, and didn't care if he hurt and yet i stuck by him no matter what he did. why? because i love him, which is a different type of love that many are probably thinking. i dont love him in a romantic type of way, even though i have liked him a lot before doesn't matter. because destroying a friendship is completely out of the word. he never judges me, even though there are times he should. just like coloring outside the lines, no one judged you when you were younger, but now, it seems like coloring outside the lines is something you CANT do. it isn't right if you color outside the lines. but why not?
i guess i am just done with being mad at him, being upset that he is being completely stupid about this whole thing about being friends with his ex-girlfriend. yes, we never got a long in high school but that is for other reasons none of us know. we are now close and that is a good thing. it shouldn't matter who you are friends with, because you dont pick your friends, they pick you. just because someone got hurt, doesn't give them the right to make you pick and choose what you should be doing and what you shouldn't be doing. maybe i am wrong. but it seems like i am always in that situation. i can never be friends with one person with out making the other one pissed off at me. or disappointed in me in some way.
last night i was coloring in my winnie the pooh coloring book. it reminded me of something that i haven't done in a while which is color. it keeps my mind off of things and i haven't figured out why. its just like being in the dark room but coloring is simple and not something i have to do for school. bringing me back to my childhood, i love winnie the pooh and i'm not afraid to say that because everyone has something they love. heck, i have a TON of teddy bears, i get one just about every holiday from my dad. as much as he makes me mad i love getting my teddy bears. because it is something that has been going on since i was younger. there is a reason behind it but that is something i think should be between a few of us. i love stuffed animals. why? because it is something i can be girly about. i never use to be all dressed up. that wasn't me. i was the tom boy and then i changed. i have to look some what nice and if i am not, well then i feel like crap. why? i haven't a clue.
so i guess there is a lot on my mind but i just didn't realize it until now. heh. i guess it is because i am trying not to think of the downside of things. because it seems like since the start of the semester my mind has been all around and never in one place. which is probably why i can't sleep some nights. which is why i am most likely sick right now. that and i was joking about wanting to be sick. oh well. so speaking of this semester. i have three art classes and two dragon core classes. the problem is, that is 18 credits and i am going insane. i feel like an idiot for saying this but dropping one digital imaging class is going to happen. because i can't handle the credits. which is weird because i took 18 credits my whole freshmen year, each semester i took that many credits and i think it is because my online class is a level 400 class and i haven't even started onto that class yet. i am taking it over the summer but i dont know. i feel like a complete idiot for doing this. i have NEVER dropped a class yet. and i feel like doing so makes me stupid. but then again, it isn't like i'm failing the class, i just didn't realize i couldn't handle all the credits.
i haven't a clue. maybe taking 14 credits will do me some good. i have friends who have dropped classes before, and that was because their professor/advisors have told them to do so. it isn't like i am doing this because someone told me so. i am doing this for myself i suppose. i am taking it over the summer so maybe that will be better then anything else. i dont know anymore. i suppose it isnt a bad thing. the average person takes 14 credits. but i dont want to be average! then again...i am ahead.. sort of. since taking 12 credits a semester you will graduate in 4 years. and i have taken 36 last year and then 15 last semester so i suppose i am ahead by about 15 credits anyway.
well i hope my day doesn't go down hill. we will see though! later blog!!
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