mer where do i begin this time? i am trying to figure out why my creative mind is being stubborn! i can't seem to figure out what i want to do my projects on for photography. probably because my mind has been so clouded lately! probably because i can't seem to say no to people, and then i get stressed? who the hell knows right now. all i know is i am afraid people are going to judge me..why? i dont know probably because of the things i do. i seem to watch who i am when around people, and that is because they seem to think i am someone i am not.
i guess it started the day i had a TON of coffee! so friday..i didn't watch what i was saying around the people i normally hang out with. why? because i dont feel like i should have to hide anything anymore. also, yes i drink! i do something illegal woo flippen hoo! so, if that makes me someone who is bad then fine, that is perfectly fine. i dont care, judge me all you want,but i am still going to be me.
also..stress. what the heck. why can't i just have a weekend where i DONT HAVE TO DEAL with stupid crap?! all i wanted to do this weekend was relax [minus studying for art history and an online exam] and watch the superbowl with my friends. i mean, i did watch the game, but at the same time i was dealing with stuff and i dont think i can deal with it anymore. why am i the GO TO GIRL!? sometimes i wonder about it. because i care so much? its weird, because i just dropped a class because i couldn't handle the stress of trying to deal with stuff. today, i got my cartilage pierced, why? because i wanted to. what i was going to do was get my lip pierced, but the problem was, it wasn't me! i didn't think that it was me, i was going to do something and waste the money on it.
however i am confused about stuff. really i am. i need a vacation. why? because i am tired of drama, and dealing with boy issues, and dealing with feelings that i dont understand. why hide my feeling for someone just because they are in another city. i like him a lot, and yet i feel like he is pushing me away because of something. i know i was stupid and texted him when i was drunk and i dont remember what i said, due to me being stupid again and deleting it after i sent it. why? why must i be completely stupid and head over heels for this boy? and yet i am pushing these feeling aside because i like another guy. but maybe the guy somewhere else is meant to be but isn't meant to be in my life right now? i dont know, i am confused.
anywho, i am not sure what else to say..other then BOO PACKERS! WHY??!! oh well..it was a good game!
night bloggers!
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