hey so i guess this is a record of me typing in my blog. meh. oh well i guess i need to keep writing because i seem to have writers block. nuts right? it sucks because i use to write all the time and for some reason i cant seem to find the stuff to write about. i wonder if it is because i am so busy and i haven't had a chance to breathe. who knows really, i do miss writing. which is funny because a lot of my friends have no idea that i am able to write. well everyone can write, but it is more of having stories to tell and putting them down on the page. i haven't a clue, i use to write short stories. ha like this one story that friends of mine and i started called. ______ belly does whatever. you pick a color and that is the name of your story. for example mine was blue belly gets a pet. haha. i dont know it was funny when we were little. i had it published in this magazine my middle school did. haha. who i knows. then i got into role playing online, it was a lot of fun because i could escape from my life and just write and have fun making a story come true on the paper. yes it seems nerdy but does that really matter? i mean lately i have been so busy worrying about a relationship that i want to happen. when really i should be listening to god and having him tell me what i should do.
which is hard for me to do i suppose. because i am someone who bottles things up and it seems like if i say something about what i believe it isn't going to be good enough people? i haven't a clue. i mean look at me right now, i am iffy on my major because i am struggling with it. i dont understand some of the projects and the concepts of them. i mean, when are we going to develop someone else's film in the real life? i mean in a way that we exchange it to someone else and then print their work. because then it isn't their work, it is your and yet you didn't take the pictures. i dont know. i think i need a break from photography. and now i am going to talk to my parents about not taking photography for a year. but then i will be a year behind and then i will be in school longer. ugh. i already know i wont be graduating in four years. well i possibly could, but i have to start my business minor..or maybe a major. i might double major. who knows.
so speaking of a relationship that i want and probably shouldn't dwell on it. i have to figure it out i suppose. i need to stop being so impatient! i laugh because i say i am being patient but i know i'm not. so why am i lying to myself about it? i mean i am trying to be patient and i know i should just wait. but waiting sucks and i dont understand why it has to suck. blah i plan my parents for not being patent and then i am not patient. haha. i know that god has a reason for something. and yet i dont listen to him for some reason. probably because i have been asking and yet i have nothing to say for it. i mean come on. saturday i went and drank. yup. after my two best friends left my room, and after my online exam i went over to my friends house and i had a drink. but its only a drink. and they invited me to come over because they wanted me to come chill with them. and i needed to relax after taking a four hour exam. ugh. but yeah. i know that people are going to judge me on this. because oh no, she isn't twenty-one and is drinking! what?! oh whatever.
the fact that people judge people it bugs me. i mean a friend of mine is having a hard time with listening to people judge her. which bugs me because this friend of mine is amazing and just because this friend is in a relationship that people dont approve on doesn't mean shit to me. they are cute together, and they are perfect together. i love that they are together because this friend is not happier that i have seen before. sometimes this friend lets people get to their mind but i am trying to help them figure it out. who knows. i just feel like since i drink and i'm not of age yet people are going to judge me. and yes, my family knows i drink, and as long as i'm safe they dont care. i mean i dont go out drinking every weekend. hell i only drink maybe one or twice a month. ya that isn't a lot. i'm sorry but i'm not an alcoholic like some people want to assume i am. what has the world come to lately. i mean people do drugs and yet if you drink and you are not of age. you are going to hell right away. well fine. i guess i will go to hell. but then again, people are always saying god is going to forgive you. he forgives you of your sins if you confess them. um..okay?
yeah i know you are probably reading this thinking that i dont believe in god forgiving people. well i do believe this. and sometimes i dont know what i believe. why? because i think some of my beliefs are different then some peoples. which is true, because not everyone can believe in everything. ugh i feel stupid talking about this right now. why? because sometimes i think if i say what is on my mind i might get shunned or something. believe me when i say, i do believe in god. and i do believe that everyone is forgiven and no one really goes to hell. but saying that, i have to also that if you murder people, or you are a serial killer no. you shouldn't be forgiven. yeah..i think it is time to change subjects. i dont feel comfortable talking about this.
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ha...well...anywho. this is different then last night. last night i couldn't think of anything to say and now i have written a novel. haha. did you know that on the facebook chat a message can be to long? yeah i found that out last night when talking to my bestie that lives in WI right now. blah. she needs to live closer. or we both need to live closer to each other. i cant wait til spring break..sad this is i wont see my best friend. but i will be hanging out with my little brother and my mom. which is always fun. going to MOA on wednesday the 16th woot! and of course my friend Nolo will be there which is going to be a lot of fun. haha the two of us hang out all the time, no wonder people thought we were dating. tells you that people like to assume things. so now we joke about dating and him breaking up with me. then again, it is always and argument about who broke up with who. fun stuff there. gotta love the inside jokes you make in college.
geeeezus the semester is almost over. blah. its already midterm and i am trying to figure out my classes for next year. i have looked and i have a lot of classes in my cart but who knows. i am either taking all art classes and no dragon core, i am going to mix it up. i figured out that they are both going to be either 15 or 16 credits. so that isn't to bad.
i'm sorry if reading this makes you wonder about me. and judge me. i suppose that is pefectly fine. i just woke up this morning and figured i needed to type and well here ya go. plus its a blog, and it helps me get my mind off things. bahaha. i love typing and this helps me when i am to busy to go do something that normally helps me relax.
well bloggy i will be back later. hopefully sooner then later. but i might be gone for a week or two due to spring break coming up and i'm not sure how much i will be online!
LATERS!!! :D
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