oh the joys of valentines day...meh. one i dont understand why there has to be a set date to do something nice for the one that you love. really. is it that hard to pick one or two days randomly to be romantic? i hope not. it seems a little dumb to me that people get upset about valentines day. yes i have been one of those girls who wishes she could be with the one she loves. sadly that isn't going to happen this year. there are many reasons why valentines day bugs me, one chocolate is gross. sorry but it is. spending a ton of money on candy is insane! two, everyone wants roses for their gift. or a teddy bear. i mean, red roses, meh i would rather get blue roses. yes i am weird i know that. the second thing about valentines day that bugs me is not being able to have a valentine, and it seems that if you dont have one then you are alone. who knows anyway. mer.... oh well i suppose. so a friend made this her status the other day and i have to agree. it goes::
Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
it makes since though..if you think about it. why waste the pain and suffering of trying to put it back together when really it is going to hurt in the end. maybe that is me right now. i have been trying to put the pieces back together and it seems like i am going getting hurt in the end. yes i am talking about that one boy that i love and yet i can't have him. it is sad and i hate it. i hate this time of year because all i want to do is be able to be right there with him. and i am stupid and made a mistake on texting him while drunk. it sucks. and i am tired of trying to be perfect all the time. i know i am not perfect and that is perfectly fine with me. why be perfect and have little quirks that dont makes since? who knows maybe it is me just thinking about a lot of things.
a lot has been on my mind lately, yes, but it seems like my bottle of stuff isnt breaking yet. and i dont know why. critique in photography went shitty as hell. worse then my portfolio review last semester! seriously why am i even an art major?! my mind has been cloudy and i can't seem to figure it out. i did a project, that wasn't even what I WANTED TO DO! i wanted to do something with hands, but THEN AGAIN that isn't me! i dont like posing people, i think it looks tatty and i dont know. i wanted to do something with my friends but no, they seemed to back out of things last minute and i couldn't just wait for them. yes i would LOVE to do a photoshoot but that isn't going to happen because one, its freezing outside and i like being outside a lot. and second i can never have the time to get people together to do something. that and i dont have a camera to put photos up online since it would take me longer then ever to put it up! i would have to scan the negatives into a computer, but them on my laptop and then fix them.
i suppose writing is the best thing ever..? to help me get things off my mind. but sometimes i feel like things are on my mind because i can't keep my mind from running a mile a minute. sometimes it seems like i am just trying to make people happy? because that is what i do? i was the go to girl for the longest time and it seems like i am still that girl. i was the go to girl in marching band, in theatre when our stage manager wasn't the best guy in the world working with me and then i am the go to girl when a friend is being stupid and dumb. i guess this is why i can't say the word no? urgh. i dont know. i am just writing to keep my mind busy before i go speak about why i am a photographer. i guess because i love taking pictures of people. i think posing people is annoying and stiff. they look like dolls and not people. i would rather take pictures of people who are having fun and not pretending.
well until later blog!!
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