should've been my teammate

howdy for the lameness of me forgetting to post a blog last night. sorry things got busy and i didn't have time to post a new blog. friday i had my all night photography party. and then saturday i woke up, went shopping, got ready for this dinner i was cooking for and then i went out to eat with my two friends [whom i love! haha] and then i went out again with a few other friends and ya. to much stuff to do in one day. oh and i worked on photography stuff again too. so that is my life story right now. so here is my new blog for day number TEN for this blog everyday in april thing.

so nothing is really new, i haven't slept much these last few days. and i dont have a clue why. i mean, i sort of do, i have a lot of my mind and of course i have homework that i need to work on. like for example, i have this paper that i have been working on and then i ended up staying up late thursday to work on it, not going to bed til 4am and waking up at 7am and then i finished it friday before i took a friend to work so i could go eat dinner and then i found out after eating dinner that we got an extension on it. -_- ugh. this happens all the time! oh well i guess its better i got it done. and then i had my all night party so once again i didnt go to bed til 4am. and last night i didn't get back til after 3am. man i need to sleep more and not stay up so late. who knows. there are other things on my mind. but one of them is having two friends not talking to me right now. it sucks. and i am not talking about my friend nick or anything. cause i could care less right now because i am not making anymore effort to talk to him anymore. but ya. two friends wont talk to me which sucks. because i do miss talking to them. oh well. we will see. they will talk to me sooner or later.

have you ever felt like you were the odd one out of a group of friends? yeah that is how i have been feeling lately. doing anything with some friends sort of sucks for some reason. ha. i have no idea. a bunch of girls made dinner for boys and were suppose to wear dresses and i didnt. so i was the odd one out. and funny thing, it seemed like all the girls were complemented on how they looked. i dont know maybe its me, but i felt like i wasnt because i am very iffy on how i feel and look. so it sucks not being complemented on how i look because i try to look good. but being the bigger one out of the group of friends there was hard and awkward.

lets see. i use my blog to vent about things and i dont think people realize what alot of my blogs are about. one person does, and he seems to understand where i am coming from. with helping people with relationship stuff, and never putting myself before anyone else. i mean, how many times have i told people that i need help with something. never. i am a bottle and then i finally blow up and break. that is how i work. i dont know. i vent about things on here and sometimes i wish people would just realize it is about them with out me saying it. i mean i could just come out and say that i am pissed off at the world because of how i dont agree with something that someone is doing. but why? why should i have to be so blunt about things.

truth is, summer is coming and i couldn't be more then happy to be getting off campus. and my friends leaving for three months. dont get me wrong i will miss them. but i am tired of being around a certain group of friends right now. dont think i am just saying this because i dont like being around them. its just that lately two of my friends have opened my eyes lately to things that i am not agreeing with. i dont agree with some of things that happens or is said on something. leaving campus means i get to see my twin. its fun seeing her. i haven't seen her since valleyscare which is stupid because we are the best together. i seem to be pissing a lot of people off lately. two people that mean the world to me and i care about them. but i seem to be pissing them off and i dont get what i did. i told one of them why i was mad at him and then he is mad at me. okay fine. but i dont want to see him get hurt anymore. and then the other one, i haven't a clue. i just want them to talk to me again because i hate having to see them online and they wont answer me. which is pissing me off even more. maybe i am just being tired. and dont get me wrong i am going to miss my friends hella because i already know how busy i am going to be and i wont be hanging out with them. the only good thing about vfair is all the hours that i get to work and the money i am making.

so my twin and i have been talking. well duh. but last night it was funny because we were both out doing something and she was having a fun time at a party and i was having a fun time with my three guy friends [minus one :( ] and watching a movie or two and we were like "ugh men" for a while which then i realized that is true. someone asked me if i still liked this friend from high school and truth is, every time i am around him i just want to grab his face and kiss him. however i cant because the two of us have talked and we figured that we could only be friends. well thats what we wanted since we have been getting to know each other better. he is my best friend and when i am sad he can make me happy no matter what. but ya, last night was fun. the only bad part is, i am always going to like him and i cant be with him. which sucks. but thats okay. i guess i can just flirt with him and what not.

ow... elbow just cracked. ow. mer. blah. blarg. meh. ugh. aljfgskljfgs.
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SORRY about the lack of my story. my muse has flown away. probably due to the lack of sleep. i promise to post part of it soon.