jayden looked at jaycee and was afraid. she couldn't tell him why but she was scared. she wanted to tell him that she had a dream where he shot vince and was a cold heartless bastard more then he seems to be. she could see that he was worried about her now. she knew how many times her phone went off and yet she didn't answer it at all. jayden just laid in her bed, her eyes were red from crying and her face seemed to be wet still. jaycee knew that wasn't a good thing either. he didn't know about her nightmares, and that she couldn't sleep because she hid it very well. "whats wrong jay?" he asked her as he stared at her worried. the girl shifted her eyes to look away from him. she just started at her bed and shrugged. "i dont know. i had a nightmare..." she said finally, she didn't want to tell him that she has been having nightmares lately about everything because it was something he didn't need to know. plus he probably didn't even care about it. then again why would he be at her house right now if he didnt care? jayden played with the corner of her blanket as she waited for jaycee to bitch her out about it. it was the reason she hasn't moved from her bed all day. hell she didnt even know what time it was.
jaycee thought about it and he was slightly annoyed that is why she didn't answer her phone. or if that was the reason she didnt answer her phone. "well..what was it about jay? it must be bad if you dont answer your damn phone when i call you of the fact that you have been crying it seems." jaycee asked looking at her. normally she would look at him in the eyes and just tell him off but today was different. the girl couldnt even stand to look at him. even if it was a dream it still scared the living shit out of her. jayden looked up at him and shrugged again. she wasnt sure if she wanted to tell him. in the end however, she ended up telling jaycee all about her dream, to the last detail of him kissing her and calling her a whore and saying she would never be loved. she told him everything and everything meant telling him she was falling for vince and everything. jaycee wasnt sure what to think about that right now. he understood why she was scared of him right now. jaycee knew he could be the worlds biggest asshole and yet he still was a sweetheart in the end. jaycee was about to say something but his phone went off and he went to check it. he sighed and looked at jayden with the eyes that he needed to ask her a question about doing a job....
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sorry its short today guys. its early in the morning and i took a super long nap after reading my book. its one of those cheesy romance books. but this one is fun to read. why? because it doesn't hide anything. it is fun to read but i am sure if some other people read them it would bug them a little. i dont know. it is fun to read for me because i am not afraid about reading sex. it is fun. yes i know, "how weird can you be? seriously!" but hey, everyone has their little kinky things i suppose and reading is mine. at least it isn't porn or anything. haha. plus i have never read romance books before and this one is fun to read and i do enjoy it. maybe a little to much. it sometimes gives me fun dreams to. yeah yeah, sex dreams. that is what i am talking about. there is nothing wrong with having one. almost everyone has one, it just depends on if you remember or not. seeing how you dont normally remember your dreams. i am not going to be afraid to say that i do enjoy them once in a while. sometimes they make me confused as to who was in them. but anywho that is something different and i am tired so i basically dont care what i say right now. haha!
something that has been bugging me. and no it isn't really ranting about stuff it is more of me being me. i might have said something in my last blog about this. i dont know. it is hard for me to open up to people. even my best friends. hell it takes two of my best friends forever to get me to tell them what is wrong. there is one that i can tell everything to but that is because i have known her for nineteen years and we are basically sisters. but no, i just feel like when i told two of my best friends, finally, what was on my mind i got attacked. sure they probably didn't think they were attacking me. but that is how i felt. yeah yeah i know. stop feeling sorry for yourself. well i'm not. i am just stating what i am feeling. i dont know i think it is funny that even though it takes me a while to open up to people that when i finally do something turns out wrong. i'm not saying my best friends are the "bad people" right now. but it made me feel like i was the bad person.
yeah yeah i know they read my blog and i know what they are probably saying "we didn't mean to attack you..." blah blah blah. okay fine. i believe you. but who knows. that is how i feel right now. i mean, i'm sorry if i was hiding behind facebook. but for me to write out what i am feeling is better then saying it in person. because i am still letting people know who i truly am. and sometimes it is hard to show who i am completely. i have never doubted that they dont love me for who i am. because i love them for loving me no matter what flaws that i have. a.k.a drinking when i am not of age yet. well to my best friends, i am sorry that i never said anything in person. because i have tired and tried and it is just hard for me to find the correct words!
so i went to dinner with my TWIN and i must say it was a much needed visit from her! to bad some of the other team members couldn't join us but that is okay. we understood them not being able to join us. seeing how most of them were at school and one of them worked all day blah blah. haha. it was fun, we walked around MOA for a bit, looked at hot topic and then talked bout boys, and school stuff. then went onto talking about vfair and the season that is coming up! the sad thing is, i'm not working at pow tow. which i already assumed i wasn't because my twin is team leading there. but ya! i am pumped and i hope i work in area 2 again. i think it would be funny if i worked at cork again because i already know everything and the TL might not enjoy that to much. since i know all the spiels and everything. that only thing i haven't done is the lift walk. which need to do in order to be fully awesome at running cork!
yeah, so i am going to go. time for bed maybe read a little then to bed. family is coming over to my grandparents tomorrow..so hopefully it is fun.
later blog!
p.s. it must be a record for me posting another blog so soon!
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