so already this break i want to go back up north. but at the same time i don't. i mean. maybe i want to go to Scotland already. yeah thats about it. people love being home for break, and me? ha. funny. sometimes i hate being home. and i'm not afraid to say that i hate being home. i hate being home because i can't see my high school friends because we are all so busy and normally this is when we can. oh and i lost two friends in the last year so basically i have no friends at home. well.. i take that back. i have friends. she finally came home. maybe that is what everyone thinks when they see me. the girl who hates being home. but i also love being home. its just hard. it has become a lot harder to be home because i am still deal with the loss of my aunt. i don't think people realize how much i am hurting because of it. i see my grandparents. they have been married for 50 years now, and they have had two children die before them. i mean, how does one deal with that? i see couples today and i laugh. because they think its easy to be married and have children. but really, think about it. do YOU think your marriage would last if you had a child of yours die before you? and the answer is no. love isn't what it was back when my grandparents were teenagers. love isn't the same anymore. people say they love someone just after a few months. but can you really and i mean REALLY love someone after knowing them for only a few months? even if they are your best friend. i don't think you can.
my grandparents fight all the time. and its just hard being home because i see how much time has gone. my grandpa is getting slower and it hurts knowing that pretty soon his heart is going to stop and he won't be here anymore. no one gets it. i have a special relationship with my grandparents that i don't think anyone else really does. from what i can tell, my friends only see their grandparents once in a while. and for me? i see mind every time i come home. i make the effort to spend time with my grandparents. how many of you call your grandmother at least once a week? i don't think a lot of us can say "i do." i call my grandma at least twice a week and if i don't call her in a week then i make sure i call her the next week. i don't see my grandpa all the time when i am home. because he is always working. but when i see him, and i notice that his memory is getting worse and that he has become slower, how i am suppose to feel? its the same with my grandma. ever since my aunt passed away its been hard to be around her. she has pushed everyone away and yet, she expects us to do everything for her. and the problem is, her memory is getting worse and she isn't remembering the things that i tell her all the time.
i guess i bring this up because i have already been to a funeral over break. and it made me start thinking of a lot of stuff. it was a family friend. basically my other mother. her father passed away and i watched his wife cry. my mom was next to her holding her just so she wouldn't break down. but she did. i don't think i have ever seen someone love someone like that before. during the serves she said "he was my best friend" that was something you don't hear anymore. seriously. you might be like "whatever, i will marry my best friend and prove you wrong" but seriously. think about it. you can't always say someone is your best friend. you grow apart. it also made me think about my grandparents. because seeing my other moms's mother break down made me realize she is going to die of a broken heart. but with my grandparents. we have already said one will not last without the other. dunno. but all that i know is i want THAT. i want to be able to say "he was my best friend." when my husband dies. i think people are getting engaged early and not knowing what to do. or they are getting married and not knowing what to do to tell you the truth. at least that is what i see from it all.
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so, its one in the morning. yay. ugh. i haven't been able to sleep much lately. why? i have no idea. i probably have to much on my mind. wouldn't doesn't surprise me i mean my name is "Kayla 'Crazy' McDonald" (don't ask) and sleep hates me. seriously it does. maybe because i slept for a while this afternoon. probably. i went out drinking with my twin and her boyfriend. probably the only time i will say i got to hold a girls hand and i didn't care what people thought! haha. no. we just made her boyfriend look like a lucky guy.
so i have my camera. i brought it home so i could take pictures at christmas. well that never happened. because i feel like if i take pictures of something my family wants me to do everything for them. i understand that photography is my major but seriously. just because i take pictures of something related to someone in my family that doesn't mean you can demand that i give you prints of them. maybe that is my problem right now. i don't want to do photography because one, i judge myself hardcore and i can't seem to find what i am good at in photography. two, my family is driving me nuts when it comes to photography. my little brother doesn't count. because he is my brother. but its everyone else in my family. another reason might be, because my aunt (who is a "photographer") judges my images! MY IMAGES! saying that they are "okay" for example. my cousin and brother are graduating at the same time. and my brother had his senior portraits done by me and my cousin apparently had his done professionally. okay fine. but his were horrible! and i mean it. call me a bitch whatever, i don't care. but i know what a good photograph is. yes some of my stuff isn't good but still.
i promised a lot of people (i suppose a few maybe 5 people) i wouldn't give up on it. its just i am confused. i am confused at what to do. i hate comparing myself to everyone else. but really. i can't even get through a critique without someone chewing me out for something. my final portfolio, i redid. because i hated everything from the whole semester. that has to tell you something. i tired something different and guess what. BAM blew up in my face. i fucking hate it. seriously i do. who knows anymore. i might just be one of those artist that ends up going back to school for something better. i do not get it anymore. something inside of me is telling me to GIVE UP and move onto something else. but then what, waste my entire college life on something that isn't making me happy? i mean, photography is making me happy. i think i am just being blocked by something. or someone. i feel like i can't do what i want to do but at the same time i can do whatever i want. i really want snow so i can try winter photography with my new camera. oh well. guess we will see when i get back up north.
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to tell you the truth. the only reason i don't write every day like some people is because i want to put meaning behind what i say. i don't want a blog that is pointless. i want people to read it and try to understand where i am coming from. however i am sure it is hard. i have been pretty vocal about a lot of things on my mind. actually, this year i haven't been. i have been hiding a lot of it from people. maybe because the trust i use to have with people up on campus/college is gone. i'm serious. this year i feel like i don't have friends at school anymore. its like i am only their friend when they need me to be one. maybe its me. but i am telling you that i feel like a loner while i am at school. i don't do anything with people up north. minus the friends i had from high school that are up north with me. but college is suppose to be about making life long friends. and me? i feel like i don't have many. i am getting to know a few girls in my photography class. and sadly they are he ones that i miss the most it seems like. they understand where i am coming from with a lot of things. and maybe its because they are photographers right along with me.
i feel like people don't understand why photography is stressful. and how it isn't easy. just because we don't have final exams or papers doesn't mean we have it easy. try making a portfolio every semester and hopefully having people say nice things about them. don't think people could do it every semester. but hey. its my life. and i am sticking to it.
this is what happens when i am up at night not being able to sleep. but hey, i had a great time with my twin and her boyfriend wednesday night. getting smashed on the u of m campus was awesome. truthfully this break has been boring but when i do get out and do something with my twin, or my other half (different people) its fun. just like i am tired of waiting on a call from a company that i had an interview with. so, i am sticking around home for a few extra days and hopefully seeing someone that means a lot to me. however that is a different story and might be coming soon.
anywho blog. i must be going. talk to you later! :)
Friday, December 30, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
i have always wondered
have you ever wanted to talk in an accent for a day and see what people thought about you? well i have. right now i wish i could be british and talk in an accent all day long. i just finished watching One Day with my roommate and basically i want to talk with an accent. have you ever noticed that you end up talking with one after you watch a movie. normally its british. i don't understand why though? but more importantly it has made me realize that they must think the same thing that we do. then again, americans tend to use more slang and tend to be offensive. maybe its me but that is what i think.
speaking of british and what not. i want to travel. seriously. i want to travel the world. i feel like being a photographer i should be able to travel. which is why i am suck between a rock and a hard place on somethings. semester is almost over and there is a trip to scotland in may. in may. yes i say may. basically i would be in scotland from may to june and then i would have to find a place to stay over the rest of the summer. but thats not my hard place. or rock i suppose. i haven't been working all semester due to the act that i'd probably end up dying if i had. but i applied to be a team lead at valley fair this summer, and if i get the job i was suppose to go home and work again. give up another summer and work my ass off. thats the problem. i have given up two summers and i haven't had a chance for fun. and if i go on this trip, i won't be able to work. nor will i have the team lead position that i want. it seems that my friends from work that i first met when i started working there are telling me to screw valleyfair and go to scotland.
i'm not sure what to do anymore. i want to go to scotland. it is a place i have been dying to go! problem is, i am afraid to go. why? because i feel like i have to go work. i have to be the one who never gets to go do something fun. yes, i went to a concert over the summer with my twin. but that was at home. i haven't' been outside of the state since new york city my senior year of college. thats my problem right now i guess. i haven't been able to hang out with my friends ever. seeing how when i work, i have one day off a week and i sleep and don't do anything other then laundry. i do not know what to do! my best friend is going to scotland for the whole spring semester. which means not seeing her and a plus of going is i might be able to see her. who knows. i have to much to think about on this subject.
so i watched One Day and basically its a sad movie. the ending is sad but happy. (i'm not giving spoilers sorry) but it also makes you wonder about your own life. i mean, these two people met randomly one night after graduation from college. from college. and were a "one night stand" and basically they have been friends ever since. but still. my roommate and i sort of talked about it. i mean, think about it. how many of your friends are engaged, dating or married already? i have a lot of friends that are and it makes me wonder what is going on in my life that i can't seem to find that one person. maybe i need to open my eyes? or maybe that person is right in front of me and i can't see it. i love the movie, don't get me wrong. i am happy i bought the movie. it just makes you think. i have a two friends that are engaged. one that is having a child, no i take that back. two friends are having children. one is married.
who knows maybe i am just going insane. i seem to be in that mind set lately. with scotland on my mind. having people tell me their opinions on it. and there is this one person. who means a lot to me and this person has told me to "fuck valleyfair and go." this persons opinion means the world to me and yet i can't seem to get my foot in the door of going.
have you ever wanted to distance yourself from something or someone? well i have. and do. sometimes i feel like i am being replaced by some of my best friends. those i went to high school with and now i go to college with. i mean, i am like the person who they don't see anymore and yet, i have a friend who is always at their place and i can't seem to be mad at her. why? because i am either left out when they are drinking on the weekend or i seem to be a last minute add in. all i know is, i feel awkward when i go over there. like i shouldn't be there or i should just leave right away. it sucks. because i have no idea how to tell someone this. and then there is someone who is already in a long distant from me and i can't help but want to distance myself even more. this said child is something special and yet, i don't think i should still have these feelings i suppose. i am sure i still have friends on campus that are still thinking and telling me to not. that its a waste of time. and that i can do better. problem is. these feelings should have gone away long ago and they haven't. its like i miss this said child and yet, i can't seem to figure anything out. maybe its because i am tired and i am stressed out about finals coming up. who knows.
all i know is i had a lot more to say but i can't remember what i was going to say anymore. i hate that. anywho. i suppose. if i figure out what i want to say, i will let you know next time. hopefully it will be soon and not later. i plan on writing more with in this month. however, i leave you with a piece of my art work. i hope you enjoy.
(and yes while i was writing this, i had a british accent. at least in my mind i did)
speaking of british and what not. i want to travel. seriously. i want to travel the world. i feel like being a photographer i should be able to travel. which is why i am suck between a rock and a hard place on somethings. semester is almost over and there is a trip to scotland in may. in may. yes i say may. basically i would be in scotland from may to june and then i would have to find a place to stay over the rest of the summer. but thats not my hard place. or rock i suppose. i haven't been working all semester due to the act that i'd probably end up dying if i had. but i applied to be a team lead at valley fair this summer, and if i get the job i was suppose to go home and work again. give up another summer and work my ass off. thats the problem. i have given up two summers and i haven't had a chance for fun. and if i go on this trip, i won't be able to work. nor will i have the team lead position that i want. it seems that my friends from work that i first met when i started working there are telling me to screw valleyfair and go to scotland.
i'm not sure what to do anymore. i want to go to scotland. it is a place i have been dying to go! problem is, i am afraid to go. why? because i feel like i have to go work. i have to be the one who never gets to go do something fun. yes, i went to a concert over the summer with my twin. but that was at home. i haven't' been outside of the state since new york city my senior year of college. thats my problem right now i guess. i haven't been able to hang out with my friends ever. seeing how when i work, i have one day off a week and i sleep and don't do anything other then laundry. i do not know what to do! my best friend is going to scotland for the whole spring semester. which means not seeing her and a plus of going is i might be able to see her. who knows. i have to much to think about on this subject.
so i watched One Day and basically its a sad movie. the ending is sad but happy. (i'm not giving spoilers sorry) but it also makes you wonder about your own life. i mean, these two people met randomly one night after graduation from college. from college. and were a "one night stand" and basically they have been friends ever since. but still. my roommate and i sort of talked about it. i mean, think about it. how many of your friends are engaged, dating or married already? i have a lot of friends that are and it makes me wonder what is going on in my life that i can't seem to find that one person. maybe i need to open my eyes? or maybe that person is right in front of me and i can't see it. i love the movie, don't get me wrong. i am happy i bought the movie. it just makes you think. i have a two friends that are engaged. one that is having a child, no i take that back. two friends are having children. one is married.
who knows maybe i am just going insane. i seem to be in that mind set lately. with scotland on my mind. having people tell me their opinions on it. and there is this one person. who means a lot to me and this person has told me to "fuck valleyfair and go." this persons opinion means the world to me and yet i can't seem to get my foot in the door of going.
have you ever wanted to distance yourself from something or someone? well i have. and do. sometimes i feel like i am being replaced by some of my best friends. those i went to high school with and now i go to college with. i mean, i am like the person who they don't see anymore and yet, i have a friend who is always at their place and i can't seem to be mad at her. why? because i am either left out when they are drinking on the weekend or i seem to be a last minute add in. all i know is, i feel awkward when i go over there. like i shouldn't be there or i should just leave right away. it sucks. because i have no idea how to tell someone this. and then there is someone who is already in a long distant from me and i can't help but want to distance myself even more. this said child is something special and yet, i don't think i should still have these feelings i suppose. i am sure i still have friends on campus that are still thinking and telling me to not. that its a waste of time. and that i can do better. problem is. these feelings should have gone away long ago and they haven't. its like i miss this said child and yet, i can't seem to figure anything out. maybe its because i am tired and i am stressed out about finals coming up. who knows.
all i know is i had a lot more to say but i can't remember what i was going to say anymore. i hate that. anywho. i suppose. if i figure out what i want to say, i will let you know next time. hopefully it will be soon and not later. i plan on writing more with in this month. however, i leave you with a piece of my art work. i hope you enjoy.
(and yes while i was writing this, i had a british accent. at least in my mind i did)
Monday, November 14, 2011
i'd rather be anything but ordinary please
so its been about a month since i last wrote anything. my bad. i have been meaning to start writing again its just been super hard to find the time, and/or the energy to really sit down and write. a lot had been going on this semester and i dont haven't a clue how to keep my mind straight. its weird, cause this semester i feel like i can't be around anyone without being annoyed with people. might be a problem. who knows. i thought living in the on campus apartments would be awesome, i could cook whatever i wanted and when i wanted. however, the what i wanted isn't working out so well anymore. i thought i was a picky eater and well, that is just insane. i live with the worlds pickiest eater which sucks. cause i am so good at making food but a lot of it has to do with pasta and it just sucks. oh well i am trying to deal with it.
well i am dropping my business minor. i decided last night that i would drop it. it isn't for me, and lately i think that is affecting my mood and who i am. i mean, i dont really hang out with anyone anymore. and that is another story but oh well. i am dropping business because i feel like i am forcing myself to like something i do not. i feel like if i keep forcing myself i wont be able to perform as well as i want to in school and that is whats bugging me too. i mean, i have an accounting class and i haven't been able to pass any of the tests. i am failing a class and i dont know how to feel about that one. who knows. i feel like this semester had been a roller-coaster. i feel like i am just riding on Renegade or Wild Thing over and over and over again, not stopping.
since we are with the school montage, photography. yeah i had junior reviews last week. it went well, i just have to find my "voice" in photography. well guess what, it would probably happen if i could find people willing to do photo shoots and not back out last minute. it just sucks. i feel like i need new friends when it comes to photography. not that i dont love my friends i have now, but i want to do photo shoots where i can direct people. i dont think people realize that directing people you know is a lot harder then not knowing them. there is a lot of things i want to do, but i feel like being in moorhead has blocked what i want to do. i mean seriously, i am suppose to be a photographer... and yet i can't do what i want to do because i have friends who are afraid to do a photo shoot where they might have to be showing skin it seems like.
concepts i want/wanted to do:
-fairytale
-murder
-being lost in the woods
and yet, i can't seem to find people who are willing to help me. i have a friend who would be more then willing to help me out, problem is, she is all the way across the state in Superior..grr. who knows. maybe i will be able to figure it out next semester. who knows. i mean, mer. haha. that and i havent found the right picture i want to use for a shadow portrait. so i am having a friend help me out. and just having ner name off stuff she likes has given me ideas of what to do. hopefully it goes well.
so halloween weekend was fun, (yes i know its been a while since then but shhhhh) anywho, a friend came up that weekend, which was good. we haven't seen or talked to each other for six months and we are still talking to each other still. anywho, i sort of promised said child i wouldn't give up on photography. why? because said child believes in me. yeah i know it sounds stupid but guess what, it works for me. if someone says they believe in me then yeah, i am going to stick with it. i mean, really, if i were to quit now, i'd be wasting three years of college on nothing then. i just haven't found my style i suppose. it was just nice to see said child again, seeing how i missed seeing, and talking to them. oh well, maybe a bad idea seeing how said child means a lot to me and i dont know.
anywho, i should probably get working on photography and start setting up my stuff for a photo shoot for today.
see ya hopefully it wont take a month to write something.
well i am dropping my business minor. i decided last night that i would drop it. it isn't for me, and lately i think that is affecting my mood and who i am. i mean, i dont really hang out with anyone anymore. and that is another story but oh well. i am dropping business because i feel like i am forcing myself to like something i do not. i feel like if i keep forcing myself i wont be able to perform as well as i want to in school and that is whats bugging me too. i mean, i have an accounting class and i haven't been able to pass any of the tests. i am failing a class and i dont know how to feel about that one. who knows. i feel like this semester had been a roller-coaster. i feel like i am just riding on Renegade or Wild Thing over and over and over again, not stopping.
since we are with the school montage, photography. yeah i had junior reviews last week. it went well, i just have to find my "voice" in photography. well guess what, it would probably happen if i could find people willing to do photo shoots and not back out last minute. it just sucks. i feel like i need new friends when it comes to photography. not that i dont love my friends i have now, but i want to do photo shoots where i can direct people. i dont think people realize that directing people you know is a lot harder then not knowing them. there is a lot of things i want to do, but i feel like being in moorhead has blocked what i want to do. i mean seriously, i am suppose to be a photographer... and yet i can't do what i want to do because i have friends who are afraid to do a photo shoot where they might have to be showing skin it seems like.
concepts i want/wanted to do:
-fairytale
-murder
-being lost in the woods
and yet, i can't seem to find people who are willing to help me. i have a friend who would be more then willing to help me out, problem is, she is all the way across the state in Superior..grr. who knows. maybe i will be able to figure it out next semester. who knows. i mean, mer. haha. that and i havent found the right picture i want to use for a shadow portrait. so i am having a friend help me out. and just having ner name off stuff she likes has given me ideas of what to do. hopefully it goes well.
so halloween weekend was fun, (yes i know its been a while since then but shhhhh) anywho, a friend came up that weekend, which was good. we haven't seen or talked to each other for six months and we are still talking to each other still. anywho, i sort of promised said child i wouldn't give up on photography. why? because said child believes in me. yeah i know it sounds stupid but guess what, it works for me. if someone says they believe in me then yeah, i am going to stick with it. i mean, really, if i were to quit now, i'd be wasting three years of college on nothing then. i just haven't found my style i suppose. it was just nice to see said child again, seeing how i missed seeing, and talking to them. oh well, maybe a bad idea seeing how said child means a lot to me and i dont know.
anywho, i should probably get working on photography and start setting up my stuff for a photo shoot for today.
see ya hopefully it wont take a month to write something.
Monday, October 17, 2011
remember that one time when we did that one thing?!
so i was reading my friends blog and i realized i haven't said anything for awhile. i guess nothing much as happened. fall break was last weekend and it was fun. i took my little brother out to lunch on friday [he got to skip the whole day] and then we went to the sculpture garden to take his senior pictures. then we went to minnehaha falls for senior pictures as well. who knows. it was all fun. and then sunday we have a family grill out ... which was good. i had a few sips of a beer and i wasn't a fan of it so i gave it to my cousin. haha. anywho, we did family pictures because my grandma wants a picture of her grandchildren. why after eleven years but who knows. so i took them. i set it up and had my mom push the shutter. however, my cousins are lame. they ruined every picture that was taken. they wouldn't just look at the camera, no they decided to make bunny ears and they decided to look the other direction. WHY can't they just do something nice for once. what makes me annoyed/mad is that after the pictures my cousin was like "i want these on facebook right away." um..well no. i can't because i have to edit them and make them look nice! ugh. i swear something i hate being a photography major haha.
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ha so my twin just came up for the weekend. can you say BEST WEEKEND EVER?! i haven't seen her since may 12th? yes? no wait ... she came to valleyfair with friends a few days after that so it must of been about a week before i was done full time. but still! its been so long since i have seen her and i was super happy she came up to visit. we went out to the bar and had birthday shots! haha. we couldn't celebrate our birthdays together because she's older then me by 23 days. haha. it was so fun though! we walked to fargo and sat at the bar. we were laughing so much it was funny and then we got a guy to buy us a drink! WOOT!! haha. we are such dorks.
truthfully? i haven't had that much fun in the longest time. all weekend was filled with laughs. the month of october is going to be great. every weekend i have something to do. i am only going to be on campus for two weekends! but halloween weekend i am skipping my advising photography retreat to do the murder mystery dinner with lcm. why? well lately i haven't been wanting to do anything in my major lately. which is probably a bad thing. but its halloween weekend a ton of people have stuff they want to do. like, the dinner, and its halloween so there are parties that people go to and everything. i mean, it would be awesome to go on the retreat but at the same time, since i haven't been 100% into photography lately i dont see why i should go? i dont think it would help me figure out whats wrong with me. who knows. i dont know what is going on this semester. but yeah.
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have you ever had a friend who stopped talking to you for half a year and then bam, you text them because god knows why and then they start talking to you again? yeah. i dont get it either. who knows. guess we'll have to wait and see how that story goes right now.
anywho, since i'm in photography i best get working on photography and not chilling on facebook or writing my blog. haha
later!
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ha so my twin just came up for the weekend. can you say BEST WEEKEND EVER?! i haven't seen her since may 12th? yes? no wait ... she came to valleyfair with friends a few days after that so it must of been about a week before i was done full time. but still! its been so long since i have seen her and i was super happy she came up to visit. we went out to the bar and had birthday shots! haha. we couldn't celebrate our birthdays together because she's older then me by 23 days. haha. it was so fun though! we walked to fargo and sat at the bar. we were laughing so much it was funny and then we got a guy to buy us a drink! WOOT!! haha. we are such dorks.
truthfully? i haven't had that much fun in the longest time. all weekend was filled with laughs. the month of october is going to be great. every weekend i have something to do. i am only going to be on campus for two weekends! but halloween weekend i am skipping my advising photography retreat to do the murder mystery dinner with lcm. why? well lately i haven't been wanting to do anything in my major lately. which is probably a bad thing. but its halloween weekend a ton of people have stuff they want to do. like, the dinner, and its halloween so there are parties that people go to and everything. i mean, it would be awesome to go on the retreat but at the same time, since i haven't been 100% into photography lately i dont see why i should go? i dont think it would help me figure out whats wrong with me. who knows. i dont know what is going on this semester. but yeah.
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have you ever had a friend who stopped talking to you for half a year and then bam, you text them because god knows why and then they start talking to you again? yeah. i dont get it either. who knows. guess we'll have to wait and see how that story goes right now.
anywho, since i'm in photography i best get working on photography and not chilling on facebook or writing my blog. haha
later!
Saturday, October 1, 2011
I wish I could Bubble Wrap my heart
guess what! i'm 21. yup i turned 21 almost a week ago. fun thing about being 21. no one can judge me on underage drinking. hell ya! a lot has happened since my last blog. i am pretty sure my last blog as after i stopped working at valleyfair? i think it was. i'm not completely sure. its been a while, so forgive me if i am wrong.
so its been about 3 weeks since i last worked. and to tell you the truth. i wish i was still working at home. why? because lately its been stressful with school and roommate stuff and friends at school. yup. being at valleyfair was less stressful and it was fun. i got to hang out with all my friends from work. and see the people that made my day ten times better everyday at work. mostly ... a couple people towards the end of the season. since my twin ended up quitting which sucked because i had to suffer the last two weeks i worked without her. anywho, but yeah school this year. what a joke.
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school...its week number 7 now? and i am already needing a vacation. i dont think people realize how stressful it is to be a photographer. i mean, i just spent an arm, a leg and half of a foot to buy supplies that is much needed for my major. a new laptop and a new camera. two new cameras. dont get me wrong i am loving my new laptop and my cameras. its just ... being a photographer is hard. you have to think of so many concepts and figure out what and why you want this to be something.
the first couple photo shoots were ... meh. but those were with traditional black/white film. i am tired of traditional film. seriously a year in a half of it sucks. so now we are working with digital. i like it a lot more. so my frist digital photo shoot went well. i liked the print i had for it. and then i had another one ... failed at that. and so the one i am working on now. yeah can you say stressful? it is stupid how i try and set up a photo shoot and it fails every time. i am starting to think that being a photographer is a bad idea.
monday after my birthday was the worst day ever. i'm serious. i started thinking of quitting my major or just taking a year off of it. i can't just take a semester off because being an art major if you take a semester off...you have to take a year off. just the way the classes go. and i have also been thinking of transferring schools. O.o yeah ... i said it. transferring schools. it just seems like Moorhead is sort of dying. or maybe it is because of all the stupid crap that has been going on. i havent talked to my parents about it yet. but at the same time. i dont want to transfer but who knows. maybe its time for something different. i just need a little time away from everything on campus i think. it just seems like i am doing something wrong all the time.
for example. i was setting up a trip down to the cities to go to valleyscare. or well, i was going with my brother and i was setting up a trip for a bunch of people. it was going all smoothly and then it failed. yup i failed. shocking right? seems to be like i've been failing a lot this year. i just feel like no one was listening to me and i had it all figured out but nope, no one listened to i cancelled it. ha.
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well...i am just going to get going. not much to write about. since i know how people feel about those complaining about things in blogs. haha. later blog
so its been about 3 weeks since i last worked. and to tell you the truth. i wish i was still working at home. why? because lately its been stressful with school and roommate stuff and friends at school. yup. being at valleyfair was less stressful and it was fun. i got to hang out with all my friends from work. and see the people that made my day ten times better everyday at work. mostly ... a couple people towards the end of the season. since my twin ended up quitting which sucked because i had to suffer the last two weeks i worked without her. anywho, but yeah school this year. what a joke.
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school...its week number 7 now? and i am already needing a vacation. i dont think people realize how stressful it is to be a photographer. i mean, i just spent an arm, a leg and half of a foot to buy supplies that is much needed for my major. a new laptop and a new camera. two new cameras. dont get me wrong i am loving my new laptop and my cameras. its just ... being a photographer is hard. you have to think of so many concepts and figure out what and why you want this to be something.
the first couple photo shoots were ... meh. but those were with traditional black/white film. i am tired of traditional film. seriously a year in a half of it sucks. so now we are working with digital. i like it a lot more. so my frist digital photo shoot went well. i liked the print i had for it. and then i had another one ... failed at that. and so the one i am working on now. yeah can you say stressful? it is stupid how i try and set up a photo shoot and it fails every time. i am starting to think that being a photographer is a bad idea.
monday after my birthday was the worst day ever. i'm serious. i started thinking of quitting my major or just taking a year off of it. i can't just take a semester off because being an art major if you take a semester off...you have to take a year off. just the way the classes go. and i have also been thinking of transferring schools. O.o yeah ... i said it. transferring schools. it just seems like Moorhead is sort of dying. or maybe it is because of all the stupid crap that has been going on. i havent talked to my parents about it yet. but at the same time. i dont want to transfer but who knows. maybe its time for something different. i just need a little time away from everything on campus i think. it just seems like i am doing something wrong all the time.
for example. i was setting up a trip down to the cities to go to valleyscare. or well, i was going with my brother and i was setting up a trip for a bunch of people. it was going all smoothly and then it failed. yup i failed. shocking right? seems to be like i've been failing a lot this year. i just feel like no one was listening to me and i had it all figured out but nope, no one listened to i cancelled it. ha.
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well...i am just going to get going. not much to write about. since i know how people feel about those complaining about things in blogs. haha. later blog
Sunday, September 11, 2011
long live the walls we crash through
so i'm home ... again this weekend. i swear i am always home it seems like. oh well, thats what i get for working all the time i suppose. lets see ... its been three weeks since school has started and i have been doing homework non-stop it seems like. no seriously. i have a lot of reading to do. and projects for art. sometimes i wonder why i am an art major. i didn't have a social life this summer with friends in college and yet i still dont have a social life with friends in college or work it seems like. oh well...? i dont know. i have been living in my apartment and it seems like i am the odd one out sometimes. because i am the one who isn't afraid to take chances and yet i dont know. sometimes it seems like all i have is drama in my life right now.
someone else me i need to relax and just not stress out about everything. well lets see my life has been turned upside down it seems like. the week before i left for school my cousin moved into our apartment. and it was a little weird. well i take that back..its super weird and i was afraid to tell my mom that. why? because i was afraid of hurting her feelings. ha sad right? so i would talk to my brother about it and he agreed it was a little weird. if you know my family you know how mature we are and how sometimes we seem to be older then we really are. well that is what is happening now. i guess...? i dont know its just hard to explain right now.
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so work is almost done. this is my last weekend at work. i am done working weekends. i am happy but at the same time i am really sad to be leaving for the season. i have my team lead application sitting in my binder and i need to fill it out soon. ha. its not like i dont want to go back. its just i can't think of reasons why i would be a good team lead. i have been dealing with the doubting myself because of a day at work when everything just went to hell. yeah... i sort of broke down at work the week before i was going back to school. branden [my supervisor] wasn't in a good mood either that day and basically i thought he was mad at me for something that i didnt do. i dont know it was a weird day and i just freaked out and branden felt bad when he saw me freak out. he is the one who handed he the team lead applicatoin to fill out because he WANTS me to come back and be a team lead. heh.
so i have been having doubts about doing it. it isn't that i dont want to go back. its just ... hard. even though the more i go back the more my resume will look. woot woot. haha. anywho i got my application done and it was sort of hard. why? because i got to think about what leadership qualities that i wish to improve on. aka what is something i need to fix about myself. ha. lets just hope i get the job! O.o
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so its 9/11/11 and that means it has been 10 years since the Twin Towers were hit. i'm sitting in the living room with my grandma right now and they are going through all of the names of those who died on that day. they are at the new memorial for those who died at that sad day. isnt it shocking to know that it has been 10 years since that day? funny right? 10 years and we are still trying to get over all the pain from that day. it is so emotional to watch people at the memorial go and find the names of their loved ones. the families of those who passed away are allowed to go into the memorial today. they are not finished with it but when they are done, i really want to go to new york to see it. its just sad, because they are reading the names and at the end, they say those who have passed away in their family.
it makes you stop and think. what would have happened if this never happened? i dont think i can think of what our lives would be if this never happened. its just so emotional to watch this right now. it seems to be something that is on everyones minds today because of how painful it was. everyone keeps asking me, "where were you when it happened?" truthfully, i was at home, as much as everyone is like "oh you were at school" um..no i was at home. i dont know why i was home but i remember my mom coming into the house, and telling me to turn the tv on.
i was driving to caribou on friday listening to the radio. it was early in the morning so the morning show was on, and i figured "hey why not just watch?" and then they said something that sort of bugged me. they were basically saying how everyone has forgotten about this day. truth is, we haven't gotten. its just we have all tried to move on. isn't that what we are suppose to do in life. is move on? we can't just sit on the past and moarn for years and years. we have lives that we all need to get back to. one of the djs made it clear that they think people are just forgetting the pain. no, we haven't. its just we can't always do a lot its just, we all have to get on with our lives and still keep it in our hearts. they is all we have to do. keep it in your hearts and minds and tell those in the next generations what happened on this day when they see it on the news or in the papers. it is something that we need to do and as much as people might think we are all forgetting about the pain and suffering everyone in america took, we haven't. it is something we need to realize.
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well i leave you with some random fun facts.
41% of the moon is not visible from earth at any time.
in literature, the average length of a sentence is around 35 words
the symbol of the pound key (#) is called an octothorpe
yeah well some of the ones that i have seen on my ipod isn't that fun. oh well. i could give you more facts about Valleyfair..but right now. meh. dont feel like it. maybe next time!
someone else me i need to relax and just not stress out about everything. well lets see my life has been turned upside down it seems like. the week before i left for school my cousin moved into our apartment. and it was a little weird. well i take that back..its super weird and i was afraid to tell my mom that. why? because i was afraid of hurting her feelings. ha sad right? so i would talk to my brother about it and he agreed it was a little weird. if you know my family you know how mature we are and how sometimes we seem to be older then we really are. well that is what is happening now. i guess...? i dont know its just hard to explain right now.
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so work is almost done. this is my last weekend at work. i am done working weekends. i am happy but at the same time i am really sad to be leaving for the season. i have my team lead application sitting in my binder and i need to fill it out soon. ha. its not like i dont want to go back. its just i can't think of reasons why i would be a good team lead. i have been dealing with the doubting myself because of a day at work when everything just went to hell. yeah... i sort of broke down at work the week before i was going back to school. branden [my supervisor] wasn't in a good mood either that day and basically i thought he was mad at me for something that i didnt do. i dont know it was a weird day and i just freaked out and branden felt bad when he saw me freak out. he is the one who handed he the team lead applicatoin to fill out because he WANTS me to come back and be a team lead. heh.
so i have been having doubts about doing it. it isn't that i dont want to go back. its just ... hard. even though the more i go back the more my resume will look. woot woot. haha. anywho i got my application done and it was sort of hard. why? because i got to think about what leadership qualities that i wish to improve on. aka what is something i need to fix about myself. ha. lets just hope i get the job! O.o
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so its 9/11/11 and that means it has been 10 years since the Twin Towers were hit. i'm sitting in the living room with my grandma right now and they are going through all of the names of those who died on that day. they are at the new memorial for those who died at that sad day. isnt it shocking to know that it has been 10 years since that day? funny right? 10 years and we are still trying to get over all the pain from that day. it is so emotional to watch people at the memorial go and find the names of their loved ones. the families of those who passed away are allowed to go into the memorial today. they are not finished with it but when they are done, i really want to go to new york to see it. its just sad, because they are reading the names and at the end, they say those who have passed away in their family.
it makes you stop and think. what would have happened if this never happened? i dont think i can think of what our lives would be if this never happened. its just so emotional to watch this right now. it seems to be something that is on everyones minds today because of how painful it was. everyone keeps asking me, "where were you when it happened?" truthfully, i was at home, as much as everyone is like "oh you were at school" um..no i was at home. i dont know why i was home but i remember my mom coming into the house, and telling me to turn the tv on.
i was driving to caribou on friday listening to the radio. it was early in the morning so the morning show was on, and i figured "hey why not just watch?" and then they said something that sort of bugged me. they were basically saying how everyone has forgotten about this day. truth is, we haven't gotten. its just we have all tried to move on. isn't that what we are suppose to do in life. is move on? we can't just sit on the past and moarn for years and years. we have lives that we all need to get back to. one of the djs made it clear that they think people are just forgetting the pain. no, we haven't. its just we can't always do a lot its just, we all have to get on with our lives and still keep it in our hearts. they is all we have to do. keep it in your hearts and minds and tell those in the next generations what happened on this day when they see it on the news or in the papers. it is something that we need to do and as much as people might think we are all forgetting about the pain and suffering everyone in america took, we haven't. it is something we need to realize.
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well i leave you with some random fun facts.
41% of the moon is not visible from earth at any time.
in literature, the average length of a sentence is around 35 words
the symbol of the pound key (#) is called an octothorpe
yeah well some of the ones that i have seen on my ipod isn't that fun. oh well. i could give you more facts about Valleyfair..but right now. meh. dont feel like it. maybe next time!
Sunday, August 14, 2011
im not the kind of girl ... speak now ...
hey! so its almost been a month since i last wrote a blog. jeez. what have i been doing with my life? wait ... what life? valleyfair owns my soul according to my friends. haha. oh well. saturday needs to come. basically i need saturday to come because ... i'm back at corkscrew. yeah my rides are down for the season and now i dont know. i want to be there but i want to quit. but my parents convinced me not to quit because i would have lost my bonus. so i stayed. i wasn't happy that when i was on vacation people at work tried to tell me what was going on. i had to turn my phone off just so i could relax. ugh. that kinda sucks. oh well. branden [supervisor] said that if i quit he'd be sad. because they need me to work. i'm really glad i got to know him over the summer. because ... he has been able to make me feel better when i am in a bad mood because of something. and he understood when i had to get relocated that it wasn't my fault and that i didnt want to be there.
speaking of not wanting to be there. i didnt plan on going back to valleyfair this year. and i have been telling myself that i am not going back next year. until branden gave me a team lead application. and we talked about me being a team lead at certain rides and even though i am not 100% sure that i am going back that he wants me to fill out the application. hm... should i? i mean... should i REALLY go back?
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so another thing at work that bugs me. is that ... people who are really disrespectful. we have these things called "special access" and basically is you are autistic or if you have special needs we can let you on our ride right away or give you a boarding time. basically we gave this guy and his family member of what not a boarding time and they wanted to sit in the front seat so we let them. and we asked/told those waiting that they needed to wait for the next train to come into the station [30 seconds longer] and they threw a fit! i'm SORRY but basically you are disrespectful. has it ever dawned on people that their lives are a little harder then ours? i dont know.. maybe i'm in the wrong or something but i had that people treat them like crap. they are still people, its just they need a little help to get through life.
also it seems like i have to call security every time i am in controls. but this girl i work with called security at totspot [little kid rides we run] and she was telling me she called security because this mom was hitting her child! i guess the story is ... she was letting kids in to the ride. and one of the little kids didn't want to ride and the mom got mad and started beating on her child. um .... one ... you dont do that in public.. two ... you dont do that EVER to a child or anyone! i asked if she said something to the mom and she said no. NO!?! um.. i'm sorry but if it was me i would have said something. i would have at least gotten the child away from their mom some how and just started talking to them. and ask them why they are scared or something while i waited for security. but i'm sorry. this is why people i work with this year ... or basically at corkscrew make me mad. minus some of them... because i love working with them. but STILL! why wouldn't you say something?! i might be in the wrong again but no...
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ever have a weird mood? like with music. well i do now. its with taylor swift. yeah her cd. SPEAK NOW. yeah my mom had it and i have been listening to it non-stop. but i am listening to the stuff not on the radio and what not. i like those songs better because ... oh yeah! they aren't over played. haha.
so..... oh! did you know animals wont eat other animals that have been struck by lightning?
yeah i didnt either until today. yay branden for his random facts. :)
Sunday, July 17, 2011
because i knew you. i have changed for good.
hey. so i haven't said much for a while. probably because the last time i said something i wasn't in the best of moods and right now. well lets just say i have been frustrated with a lot of things right now. and it is to the point of i dont know who to talk to. well not really, it is more of i dont have time to talk to people. i am always on the run, going to work, staying late at work or just sleeping. seriously i haven't been home doing anything for myself for the longest time. i finally got to have some free time from work on thursday. well i finally got to get off work early on wednesday last week which made my week. haha. who knows. i bought my brother midnight tickets to Harry Potter Part 2 in 3D. it was fun because i didn't tell him i was buying them.
basically i had a good few days with my brother. i didnt work thursday so i took him to Harry Potter. and i had to work friday..but i got paid to play in the rain. that was a meh thing though. i mean. who knows. everyone was on break at the same time. which was fun because power tower was on break as well so we all ate lunch together. which is funny because this guy [who i sort of like[d] ] well i guess not funny. he has a girlfriend. and he flirts, i dont know if he realizes is or if he just doesnt care? but anywho, i wasn't wet from the rain yet. and he went to have a smoke before we left. so he came back and gave me a hug. i told him i didnt want one and then he hugged me before we went outside in the down pour. at that point i didnt care if i was in the rain or not.
so on our way back to our rides. the puddles got HUGE. so we were jumping in them and kicking water around. but still. i dont get why boys flirt when they have girlfriends. hm... who knows. boys are confusing and dumb. ha.
i went to the DCI show yesterday! Drum Corp International! it was a lot of fun. i went with my little brother. it was fun because it was the only time i have been able to spend a few days with my brother. i mean. come on. Harry Potter [i cried] and DCI. i got to watch my friends march ... it made me sad because i miss marching but i can't deal with my knee being in pain. but hey i got to go to DINKYTOWN for the first time and have some of the best pizza with my brother, and some friends and some of the members from Minnesota Brass. then i got to spend time with a friend that i have liked for a while but that isnt going anywhere because ruining a friendship isnt the best idea ever.
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have you ever had someone not talk to you for 4 months for no reason? yeah well i have and to tell you the truth, it sucks but then you start to say what the fuck ever. who cares anymore right? i was to that point until today. i mean...a friend from high school is home. so he wanted to get together and i was all for that. because i miss him and i haven't seen him in forever. the problem is.. my ex friend...friend type thing that hasn't said one word to me in 4 months was going to be there. and i dont know. i was nervous about it because i was finally to the point of realizing that he was a jerk and that having a jerk for a friend was a bad idea. i mean who wants a friend who treats you like crap. i dont. but basically seeing him made me realize that i do miss him and his brother. because well, they were always there for me when i needed them. who the hell knows. maybe it will go back to me not caring. i mean boys are stupid and dumb and sometimes i wish we didnt have to live with them. they are frustrating.
the song from Wicked is For Good. [the title of my blog today]makes me think of that friend. because if it wasn't for him and his brother i dont think i would be me today. i have changed, i have become more of a person who stands up for herself and doesn't take crap from people. who knows. maybe i have changed for the bad and not for the good. thoughts?
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so speaking of frustrating..work is beyond frustrating. i mean. i need my three day weekend where i can go up north and turn my damn phone off and ignore everyone from work. there are a bunch of people at work that are annoying. i'm sorry. but if you complain about not getting enough hours and then your supervisors give you the hours that you want..and then you go around asking people to take your hours ... we have a problem. i mean, i have asked my supervisors for more hours because i need the money and what not .but SERIOUSLY! it is beyond stupid for you to complain and then you complain about having hours. ugh.
all i have to do is keep saying ... 12 days until i go up to moorhead for the weekend. just keep reminding myself that i do get a vacation soon.
basically i had a good few days with my brother. i didnt work thursday so i took him to Harry Potter. and i had to work friday..but i got paid to play in the rain. that was a meh thing though. i mean. who knows. everyone was on break at the same time. which was fun because power tower was on break as well so we all ate lunch together. which is funny because this guy [who i sort of like[d] ] well i guess not funny. he has a girlfriend. and he flirts, i dont know if he realizes is or if he just doesnt care? but anywho, i wasn't wet from the rain yet. and he went to have a smoke before we left. so he came back and gave me a hug. i told him i didnt want one and then he hugged me before we went outside in the down pour. at that point i didnt care if i was in the rain or not.
so on our way back to our rides. the puddles got HUGE. so we were jumping in them and kicking water around. but still. i dont get why boys flirt when they have girlfriends. hm... who knows. boys are confusing and dumb. ha.
i went to the DCI show yesterday! Drum Corp International! it was a lot of fun. i went with my little brother. it was fun because it was the only time i have been able to spend a few days with my brother. i mean. come on. Harry Potter [i cried] and DCI. i got to watch my friends march ... it made me sad because i miss marching but i can't deal with my knee being in pain. but hey i got to go to DINKYTOWN for the first time and have some of the best pizza with my brother, and some friends and some of the members from Minnesota Brass. then i got to spend time with a friend that i have liked for a while but that isnt going anywhere because ruining a friendship isnt the best idea ever.
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have you ever had someone not talk to you for 4 months for no reason? yeah well i have and to tell you the truth, it sucks but then you start to say what the fuck ever. who cares anymore right? i was to that point until today. i mean...a friend from high school is home. so he wanted to get together and i was all for that. because i miss him and i haven't seen him in forever. the problem is.. my ex friend...friend type thing that hasn't said one word to me in 4 months was going to be there. and i dont know. i was nervous about it because i was finally to the point of realizing that he was a jerk and that having a jerk for a friend was a bad idea. i mean who wants a friend who treats you like crap. i dont. but basically seeing him made me realize that i do miss him and his brother. because well, they were always there for me when i needed them. who the hell knows. maybe it will go back to me not caring. i mean boys are stupid and dumb and sometimes i wish we didnt have to live with them. they are frustrating.
the song from Wicked is For Good. [the title of my blog today]makes me think of that friend. because if it wasn't for him and his brother i dont think i would be me today. i have changed, i have become more of a person who stands up for herself and doesn't take crap from people. who knows. maybe i have changed for the bad and not for the good. thoughts?
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so speaking of frustrating..work is beyond frustrating. i mean. i need my three day weekend where i can go up north and turn my damn phone off and ignore everyone from work. there are a bunch of people at work that are annoying. i'm sorry. but if you complain about not getting enough hours and then your supervisors give you the hours that you want..and then you go around asking people to take your hours ... we have a problem. i mean, i have asked my supervisors for more hours because i need the money and what not .but SERIOUSLY! it is beyond stupid for you to complain and then you complain about having hours. ugh.
all i have to do is keep saying ... 12 days until i go up to moorhead for the weekend. just keep reminding myself that i do get a vacation soon.
Friday, July 1, 2011
valleyfair + heat = death
i swear i have died at work. at least yesterday. i felt bad because after work i was suppose to play mini golf with someone from my team and i didn't feel well. so someone took my place instead. i felt bad but there was no way i was going to play mini golf with out passing out. ugh. today i work 10 hours in the heat. good thing it is only suppose to be today and yesterday that is suppose to be super hot.
so...i found out i was the "other fat bitch" at corkscrew by my ex-team lead who got fired. i'm SO glad that i am a "controlling bitch" and the "other fat bitch" there. makes me hate myself even more that people are thinking and saying i'm fat. super glad. this is going to ruin my day. why do people have to say stupid shit and make people feel like crap. i have already been trying to figure out how to lose weight. and working at valleyfair is suppose to help however, now i am trying to figure out how to lose it more now. who knows. i'm tired of feeling like crap. i mean, i can put a smile on my face and say "oh i'm fine. who cares what people say." but really, if you think about it. you are going to listen to what people say.
i'm writing this before i go to work. seeing how i dont work until noon today but still. i have been eating healthier and i work at valleyfair so i am on my feet all day unless i am driving the train or i am in controls. so seriously. what is the problem. people say not to listen to what people are saying about you, but really how many of us do it anyway. .....ugh.
oh well...off to work. remember to DRINK WATER!
so...i found out i was the "other fat bitch" at corkscrew by my ex-team lead who got fired. i'm SO glad that i am a "controlling bitch" and the "other fat bitch" there. makes me hate myself even more that people are thinking and saying i'm fat. super glad. this is going to ruin my day. why do people have to say stupid shit and make people feel like crap. i have already been trying to figure out how to lose weight. and working at valleyfair is suppose to help however, now i am trying to figure out how to lose it more now. who knows. i'm tired of feeling like crap. i mean, i can put a smile on my face and say "oh i'm fine. who cares what people say." but really, if you think about it. you are going to listen to what people say.
i'm writing this before i go to work. seeing how i dont work until noon today but still. i have been eating healthier and i work at valleyfair so i am on my feet all day unless i am driving the train or i am in controls. so seriously. what is the problem. people say not to listen to what people are saying about you, but really how many of us do it anyway. .....ugh.
oh well...off to work. remember to DRINK WATER!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
rain, rain, go away...the sun will come out tomorrow
howdy yall. okay so this week so far at work at been...well lets say interesting. monday, michael, my ex-team lead from corkscrew got FIRED! i know i shouldn't be happy about this but guess what i am. i dont think i've hated someone that much ever..and i mean EVER. five other people got fired on monday. another team lead in my area and a few team members. bahaha. man it was weird. the reason they got fired was because management found out about a party, and they are all underage. so michael came to work drunk i guess. at 2:30pm he blew a 0.05 on a breathalyzer test. i mean seriously who does that. but what i dont get is why the girl who supplied them the alcohol didn't get her butt in trouble. doesn't make since. people are getting fired all around it seems. who knows right now.
anywho, so i can't seem to figure out how to sleep. lol. seriously. sleep is missing in my life it seems.. however on my days off i get to sleep in as long as i want. haha. is it sad that i can sleep until noon somedays? i have never been able to unless i didn't go to bed until 5am or something. but i go to bed early and sleep for 12 or so hours. who knows. whoooooooo knooooows.
so i made the biggest mistake in my life right now. i was suppose to have saturday/sunday off this week. but i gave my sunday to a girl who was suppose to have it off but our supervisor messed up. so i just gave it to her so they wouldn't have to change everyones schedule. so then i realized that if i DIDNT give up my weekend, i gave another girl my saturday because of her brothers grad party and she forgot to take it off, but if i didnt i would of had saturday/sunday/monday off. i could have gone up north to moorhead for the weekend! ugh. dumb. so now i have only today off [thursday] and monday off. booo.....
anywho, so i can't seem to figure out how to sleep. lol. seriously. sleep is missing in my life it seems.. however on my days off i get to sleep in as long as i want. haha. is it sad that i can sleep until noon somedays? i have never been able to unless i didn't go to bed until 5am or something. but i go to bed early and sleep for 12 or so hours. who knows. whoooooooo knooooows.
so i made the biggest mistake in my life right now. i was suppose to have saturday/sunday off this week. but i gave my sunday to a girl who was suppose to have it off but our supervisor messed up. so i just gave it to her so they wouldn't have to change everyones schedule. so then i realized that if i DIDNT give up my weekend, i gave another girl my saturday because of her brothers grad party and she forgot to take it off, but if i didnt i would of had saturday/sunday/monday off. i could have gone up north to moorhead for the weekend! ugh. dumb. so now i have only today off [thursday] and monday off. booo.....
Thursday, June 16, 2011
its times like these where...take a guess?
its 1am and i can't sleep. i have to be up at 6:15am and shower, eat something [hopefully] and then drive in rush hour traffic. sound like fun right? no. i can't sleep. which is weird because lately i have been so tired from working all the time i normally fall asleep around ten or eleven and sleep until my alarm goes off. sometimes. it depends on my schedule really. if i dont work until later in the day i turn my alarm off, if i work at eleven i have it on. if i am on call then i have my phone on so i can hear it go off. which sucks cause people normally want to text me around them. haha.
so i've been watching this show called The Lake. it was on the WB or something in 2009. really short show. maybe ten, eleven minute shows. it was fun cause i watched the whole season in about two hours. who knows. maybe thats why i can't sleep or something. ha so..tonight my older brother came home for dinner [he lives with my grandparents] and we watched Black Swan, my mom, brothers and i. my little brother left in the middle of it..since it was awkward for him to watch with our mom. i dont really blame him though. cause i saw Runaways with my mom and i wasn't as weirded out watching it with her. but for some reason Black Swan was a movie that was awkward watching with her. oh well we had fun. my older brother was making fun of me because i was looking at my computer screen at one point and i told him i've seen the movie. hence why i said it was an awkward movie to watch with some poeple. haha.
so..basically its almost 1:30am and i am still awake..booo.
wanna hear a story? or know some random facts about valleyfair? okay!
1. corkscrew is 31 years old this year.
2. high roller use to be in a different park before valleyfair but has been in valleyfair for 36 years.
3. xtreme swing [not extreme] likes to kill birds. this year it hit a bird and it fell into a girls lap. haha.
4. mrvr means Minnesota River Valley Railroad. this year [tuesday june 14th] it killed four little ducklings
5. pow tow [power tower] you have to ride them blue then red or it isn't fun on the blue one.
6. planet snoopy is basically camp snoopy. valleyfair use to own camp snoopy.
7. it cost 9 million dollars to put planet snoopy into valleyfair.
8. if it is super windy out, wild thing will stop in the horse shoe turn.
9. all the high rides go down only if it is super rainy or there is lightning.
10. valleyfair doesn't close early for rain, unless the storm isn't going to pass or it wont stop lightning out.
11. xtreme swing can't operate when the wind is 40 mph
yeah that is all i can think about right now. haha.
i'm going to go try and sleep.
night blog!
so i've been watching this show called The Lake. it was on the WB or something in 2009. really short show. maybe ten, eleven minute shows. it was fun cause i watched the whole season in about two hours. who knows. maybe thats why i can't sleep or something. ha so..tonight my older brother came home for dinner [he lives with my grandparents] and we watched Black Swan, my mom, brothers and i. my little brother left in the middle of it..since it was awkward for him to watch with our mom. i dont really blame him though. cause i saw Runaways with my mom and i wasn't as weirded out watching it with her. but for some reason Black Swan was a movie that was awkward watching with her. oh well we had fun. my older brother was making fun of me because i was looking at my computer screen at one point and i told him i've seen the movie. hence why i said it was an awkward movie to watch with some poeple. haha.
so..basically its almost 1:30am and i am still awake..booo.
wanna hear a story? or know some random facts about valleyfair? okay!
1. corkscrew is 31 years old this year.
2. high roller use to be in a different park before valleyfair but has been in valleyfair for 36 years.
3. xtreme swing [not extreme] likes to kill birds. this year it hit a bird and it fell into a girls lap. haha.
4. mrvr means Minnesota River Valley Railroad. this year [tuesday june 14th] it killed four little ducklings
5. pow tow [power tower] you have to ride them blue then red or it isn't fun on the blue one.
6. planet snoopy is basically camp snoopy. valleyfair use to own camp snoopy.
7. it cost 9 million dollars to put planet snoopy into valleyfair.
8. if it is super windy out, wild thing will stop in the horse shoe turn.
9. all the high rides go down only if it is super rainy or there is lightning.
10. valleyfair doesn't close early for rain, unless the storm isn't going to pass or it wont stop lightning out.
11. xtreme swing can't operate when the wind is 40 mph
yeah that is all i can think about right now. haha.
i'm going to go try and sleep.
night blog!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
summer time is a time for memories
hey yall so i have been busy working and everything lately. however, saturday [June 11th] i went to the Panic! at the Disco concert with my best friend/twin Monica. she didn't get to meet the band which is sad because she was suppose to meet them. however we had a blast and afterwards we were really hungry, after buying out expensive hoodies, so we walked down to jimmy johns. and while we were eating Monica asked me if this person was Matt Tolbert from the Twins and i was like ..i think so. so she got up and asked him and he just smiled! it was so cool! he sat at a table next to us and talked to us for a bit! i think saturday was the best day/night i have ever had in so long! i can't believe that i met a TWINS PLAYER! can you say LUCKY! we did ask for a picture but he was iffy on taking pictures out of uniform. which is completely understanding. we understood why he doesn't like pictures out of uniform. but still! it was awesome and everything! i was excited. tee hee.
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so my friend just showed me this and i like it a lot.
The Script taught me how to move on.
Green Day taught me that government's gonna fail someday.
Bruno Mars taught me to do anything for that one person I love
Eminem taught me that life is hard but you can make it through
Travis taught me to be generous
Taylor Swift taught me not every girl is going to treat me right
30 Seconds to Mars taught me to speak whats on my mind
Michael Jackson taught me to always love the people around me
Music taught me to live
think about it. what has music taught you? have you ever wondered what it is like to think back on something that you have learned?
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okay so..lately i have this feeling like there is a sign on my back saying "dont be friends with me. i'm a bitch" i mean, think about it. i have lost ... two friends because i decided to put my foot down and say no finally. and just live my life the way i want to. and now i have a friend who wont even give me the time of day. seriously it makes me feel like crap most of the time because i have been trying to stay friends with him and yet..he wont even respond to anything. he is the one who called me one day while i was at work! and i tried calling him back after work and yet...nothing.
its sort of the feeling i have with another friend. why? because i have been trying to figure out a weekend to go back up to campus just for a weekend or something and they wont let me know a weekend that works for them. it really is starting to get annoying. i mean...it isn't that hard to let me know a weekend you are not busy or dont work so we can plan something. i have the time to take off and yet i dont know when to take it off. i haven't a clue really. it is really starting to get annoying because i dont have to take time off but i would like to take time off and go up north for a weekend. however i understand if nothing works out. i just need to know. cause i miss my friend :)
oaifjgaoudfhgsorifjgsldkfgjsd [how i feel lately]
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so my friend just showed me this and i like it a lot.
The Script taught me how to move on.
Green Day taught me that government's gonna fail someday.
Bruno Mars taught me to do anything for that one person I love
Eminem taught me that life is hard but you can make it through
Travis taught me to be generous
Taylor Swift taught me not every girl is going to treat me right
30 Seconds to Mars taught me to speak whats on my mind
Michael Jackson taught me to always love the people around me
Music taught me to live
think about it. what has music taught you? have you ever wondered what it is like to think back on something that you have learned?
------------------------------------
okay so..lately i have this feeling like there is a sign on my back saying "dont be friends with me. i'm a bitch" i mean, think about it. i have lost ... two friends because i decided to put my foot down and say no finally. and just live my life the way i want to. and now i have a friend who wont even give me the time of day. seriously it makes me feel like crap most of the time because i have been trying to stay friends with him and yet..he wont even respond to anything. he is the one who called me one day while i was at work! and i tried calling him back after work and yet...nothing.
its sort of the feeling i have with another friend. why? because i have been trying to figure out a weekend to go back up to campus just for a weekend or something and they wont let me know a weekend that works for them. it really is starting to get annoying. i mean...it isn't that hard to let me know a weekend you are not busy or dont work so we can plan something. i have the time to take off and yet i dont know when to take it off. i haven't a clue really. it is really starting to get annoying because i dont have to take time off but i would like to take time off and go up north for a weekend. however i understand if nothing works out. i just need to know. cause i miss my friend :)
oaifjgaoudfhgsorifjgsldkfgjsd [how i feel lately]
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
whats the difference?
today i didnt go to the beach. my friends are going wednesday and/or thursday. which i work so i wont be able to go. which sucks because i haven't seen those two in so long. probably not since...geeezus i dont even know anymore. its been a while. anywho, i washed my car however! and cleaned it out. i burnt my back doing it. but i guess thats what i get for being outside when it is 104F outside. bahaha. oh well. i am already burnt on my forehead from working all day saturday/sunday/monday. baha. not much of sunday due to being at cork for 9 hours.
anywho, so i was watching Judas by Lady GaGa and my mom and i were talking about how people are complaining about how religiously offensive that music video is. i dont see it. i really dont see it. i really dont. can someone explain it to me? because i dont get it. no i really dont care if you are not a fan of it but then again. look around you. how many things are offensive in this world? a lot? yea there is your answer. when it comes to music it shouldn't matter anymore. look at Madonna! she danced around a burning cross and at that time, black people were being accused of white people crimes and no one would stand up for colored people. why? because they didn't want to or something i dont know. and in that time, having a white and black kissing wasn't okay [says my mom and i believe her.] but really what is the difference? watch the videos and tell me what is the difference in the videos? i see nothing different. if you LISTEN to the music you will notice that Judas denies her three times [if i remember correctly] someone has a good comment on the music video of Lady GaGas.
"A betraying love that her heart cannot let go even though she knows it's wrong
The heart has its own reasons that the brain can do nothing about it"
there you go. think about it. "Jesus is my virtue, And Judas is the demon I cling to " [lyrics]
i guess my problem with this one is just that people need to realize it isn't the end of the world for someone to do something. really it isnt. clinging to a demon. everyone has a damn demon in their life that they need to get rid of.
who knows. my mom and i were talking about it and it makes me laugh sometimes because it just sucks that people judge others even off of music. it isn't like they are trying to brainwash you into anything. seriously. it is dumb.
watch. what is the difference?
anywho, so i was watching Judas by Lady GaGa and my mom and i were talking about how people are complaining about how religiously offensive that music video is. i dont see it. i really dont see it. i really dont. can someone explain it to me? because i dont get it. no i really dont care if you are not a fan of it but then again. look around you. how many things are offensive in this world? a lot? yea there is your answer. when it comes to music it shouldn't matter anymore. look at Madonna! she danced around a burning cross and at that time, black people were being accused of white people crimes and no one would stand up for colored people. why? because they didn't want to or something i dont know. and in that time, having a white and black kissing wasn't okay [says my mom and i believe her.] but really what is the difference? watch the videos and tell me what is the difference in the videos? i see nothing different. if you LISTEN to the music you will notice that Judas denies her three times [if i remember correctly] someone has a good comment on the music video of Lady GaGas.
"A betraying love that her heart cannot let go even though she knows it's wrong
The heart has its own reasons that the brain can do nothing about it"
there you go. think about it. "Jesus is my virtue, And Judas is the demon I cling to " [lyrics]
i guess my problem with this one is just that people need to realize it isn't the end of the world for someone to do something. really it isnt. clinging to a demon. everyone has a damn demon in their life that they need to get rid of.
who knows. my mom and i were talking about it and it makes me laugh sometimes because it just sucks that people judge others even off of music. it isn't like they are trying to brainwash you into anything. seriously. it is dumb.
watch. what is the difference?
Monday, June 6, 2011
farmers tans and sore feet
so..i have no idea how long its been since i last posted a blog. but i haven't had much time to even think for myself let alone sleep it seems like.
i moved rides, yeah i finally told management about what my team lead [at the time] was doing/saying about me and everything. and i got moved. well i was told i was being moved so i asked if i could stay in the same area and it happened. i'm much happier now. however, today sucked. i had to stand at linus's beetle bugs [old bumble bees if you have been to vfair] from 9am-6pm. i died. yup. my face hurts and my arms are sore. HOWEVER i am now at xtreme [yes it is spelt that way] swing and MRVR [big train] and i get an awesome tan! i have an epic farmers tan going on, however i plan on evening it out on my days off. which is tuesday [tomorrow] and saturday. PANIC AT THE DISCO CONCERT ON SATURDAY! HELL YA!! i'm pumped. my mom bought my ticket for me, and i just paid for dinner so i think we are even? if not i can always bug her cigarets.
dude! so other then a really crappy day at work and probably more sunburn on top of sunburn. on channel two TPT (Twin Cities Public Television) DCI Drum Corps International. yeah. ON TV RIGHT NOW!!!!! :D yes! ITS AWESOME why? because Minnesota Brass! two of my friends are in Minn. Brass and i love watching they preform! it makes me miss marching band, but then i remember my knee cant take it anymore then i get all sad. mer...
yeah...tomorrow is my day off and i think i am going to the beach with two friend who are home for the week. and washing my car [by hand] and laundry! woo! i already have my day planned out!!
later blog.
i moved rides, yeah i finally told management about what my team lead [at the time] was doing/saying about me and everything. and i got moved. well i was told i was being moved so i asked if i could stay in the same area and it happened. i'm much happier now. however, today sucked. i had to stand at linus's beetle bugs [old bumble bees if you have been to vfair] from 9am-6pm. i died. yup. my face hurts and my arms are sore. HOWEVER i am now at xtreme [yes it is spelt that way] swing and MRVR [big train] and i get an awesome tan! i have an epic farmers tan going on, however i plan on evening it out on my days off. which is tuesday [tomorrow] and saturday. PANIC AT THE DISCO CONCERT ON SATURDAY! HELL YA!! i'm pumped. my mom bought my ticket for me, and i just paid for dinner so i think we are even? if not i can always bug her cigarets.
dude! so other then a really crappy day at work and probably more sunburn on top of sunburn. on channel two TPT (Twin Cities Public Television) DCI Drum Corps International. yeah. ON TV RIGHT NOW!!!!! :D yes! ITS AWESOME why? because Minnesota Brass! two of my friends are in Minn. Brass and i love watching they preform! it makes me miss marching band, but then i remember my knee cant take it anymore then i get all sad. mer...
yeah...tomorrow is my day off and i think i am going to the beach with two friend who are home for the week. and washing my car [by hand] and laundry! woo! i already have my day planned out!!
later blog.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
where in the world is ....
its been...i dont know how long. haha. probably a week? who knows i'm slightly to lazy to go back and look at my blogs. but i feel like i dont have much to talk about anymore. why? because i've been at work, and the only thing i could do is complain about work. which i dont want to do anymore because there is no point in it. not like what i say can change anything, as much as i would like it too.
so you know what i think is funny. how people are so judgmental. haha. nothing to do with what my earlier blogs are about. but seriously. i posted a status on facebook with the word "fuck" in it..so my neighbors, best friends parents who live next door to my grandparents. well her dad decided to call me out on it..in front of my mom. yeah..well my mom liked my status. pretty sure she doesn't give a shit what i say. bugs me. another thing is, i had to sit there and bite my tongue because they have no idea that i drink. so i heard them complain about how kids graduate high school go to college and think they have to drink. erm.... yeah... i'm glad i am turing 21 soon. haha.
anywho...this sucks...i need to think of things to talk about ...mer ..... maybe a funny story will happen at work and i will tell you then..
so you know what i think is funny. how people are so judgmental. haha. nothing to do with what my earlier blogs are about. but seriously. i posted a status on facebook with the word "fuck" in it..so my neighbors, best friends parents who live next door to my grandparents. well her dad decided to call me out on it..in front of my mom. yeah..well my mom liked my status. pretty sure she doesn't give a shit what i say. bugs me. another thing is, i had to sit there and bite my tongue because they have no idea that i drink. so i heard them complain about how kids graduate high school go to college and think they have to drink. erm.... yeah... i'm glad i am turing 21 soon. haha.
anywho...this sucks...i need to think of things to talk about ...mer ..... maybe a funny story will happen at work and i will tell you then..
Friday, May 20, 2011
that weird feeling you get when you have to cough..
ever get that feeling in your chest when you have to cough? that weird feeling...yeah that has been happening to me a lot lately. and i have no idea why. and i dont have time to go get it looked at. mer...
okay so my awesome [cute twins fan] supervisor gave me today off randomly. he needed to give people the day off because we werent opening with two trains today. i guess it wasn't as busy as they thought it would be. i'm not complaining or anything about getting the day off. i got to chillax at home and then not have to rush home to make it to my brothers band concert! however what i am annoyed with [sorry i am complaining] is my team lead. i'm sorry but i am tired of his bull shit right now. i dont think i havent liked someone this much before at work. i am happy i have a job and everything but right now, i would rather be on campus and not dealing with him. he is my team lead at corkscrew and i know the ride better then him! ugh it makes me mad because all he does is complain about his team. saying and i quote "i must have gotten the retarded people this year. they must have stringed out everyone and gave me the stupid members" and so and so "is stupid and slow." and "it wasn't hard to decide who i was sending home. they were annoying me and i dont like them." SERIOUSLY HOW CAN YOU BE A TEAM LEAD IF YOU TALK SHIT ABOUT YOUR TEAM?! my problem is he keeps bitching and complaining about work on facebook. like today, he was complaining about being sent home early. i'm sorry. EVERYONE is getting sent home if they are NOT needed. i dont care if he is the TEAM LEAD or not. ugh!! he makes me so mad. [i was at cork last year if i didnt say that before]
i dont know what i should do. i have my supervisor [not the cute one] telling me i should talk to him about what he is doing wrong at cork. um...HELLO! isn't that YOUR JOB?! ugh...i do NOT UNDERSTAND! it sucks. i'm tired of it. i already hate going into work. i shouldn't have to HATE going into work. because WORK is suppose to be fun at valleyfair! i feel bad that i complain to my old team lead but i am thankful for him listening to me complain about stuff. i dont think i would be able to get through the day with out him or monica listening and helping me try and solve things. who knows.. they want me to email my manager and i am afraid to email him because i dont know how far is to far.
i might sleep on it. or i might just email him tonight.
later blog.
okay so my awesome [cute twins fan] supervisor gave me today off randomly. he needed to give people the day off because we werent opening with two trains today. i guess it wasn't as busy as they thought it would be. i'm not complaining or anything about getting the day off. i got to chillax at home and then not have to rush home to make it to my brothers band concert! however what i am annoyed with [sorry i am complaining] is my team lead. i'm sorry but i am tired of his bull shit right now. i dont think i havent liked someone this much before at work. i am happy i have a job and everything but right now, i would rather be on campus and not dealing with him. he is my team lead at corkscrew and i know the ride better then him! ugh it makes me mad because all he does is complain about his team. saying and i quote "i must have gotten the retarded people this year. they must have stringed out everyone and gave me the stupid members" and so and so "is stupid and slow." and "it wasn't hard to decide who i was sending home. they were annoying me and i dont like them." SERIOUSLY HOW CAN YOU BE A TEAM LEAD IF YOU TALK SHIT ABOUT YOUR TEAM?! my problem is he keeps bitching and complaining about work on facebook. like today, he was complaining about being sent home early. i'm sorry. EVERYONE is getting sent home if they are NOT needed. i dont care if he is the TEAM LEAD or not. ugh!! he makes me so mad. [i was at cork last year if i didnt say that before]
i dont know what i should do. i have my supervisor [not the cute one] telling me i should talk to him about what he is doing wrong at cork. um...HELLO! isn't that YOUR JOB?! ugh...i do NOT UNDERSTAND! it sucks. i'm tired of it. i already hate going into work. i shouldn't have to HATE going into work. because WORK is suppose to be fun at valleyfair! i feel bad that i complain to my old team lead but i am thankful for him listening to me complain about stuff. i dont think i would be able to get through the day with out him or monica listening and helping me try and solve things. who knows.. they want me to email my manager and i am afraid to email him because i dont know how far is to far.
i might sleep on it. or i might just email him tonight.
later blog.
Monday, May 16, 2011
smoothies...italy...ugh...
so i never use to watch HOUSE right? well i have my two friends to thank for getting me addicted to the show! i hate that sometimes. being addicted to a show because friends have made me watch it with them. haha who knows. who knows. haha. so i just realized its only been three days since i wrote a blog. nothing really to talk about. i started work and everything. funny thing is, i wasn't suppose to start full time until tuesday....so tomorrow. but i worked, thursday, friday, and sunday. haha. funny right?
work is...well different this season. i dont have the same team a.k.a the dream team anymore. which sucks because i have to get to know a whole new team. ugh. i mean, i have only worked one day with them and now it is weird. i have been noticing things that they are already doing wrong. which most of them are safety violations. man oh man. it is funny cause monica is at pow tow. and we talk about everything together. basically if i am not at work, she tells me what happens because she hears about it through my TL and then i talk to my old TL about it. it is fun and yet weird. i have to get use to having a new team.
so the crappy thing, i have to work EXTRA HARD in the fall in order to apply to study abroad in Italy! ugh. that stupid math class fucked my gpa up. however i passed it and what not. oh well. who knows. this is just a blog to write since it is weird not writing everyday. i think tonight might be SMOOTHIE night! :D
work is...well different this season. i dont have the same team a.k.a the dream team anymore. which sucks because i have to get to know a whole new team. ugh. i mean, i have only worked one day with them and now it is weird. i have been noticing things that they are already doing wrong. which most of them are safety violations. man oh man. it is funny cause monica is at pow tow. and we talk about everything together. basically if i am not at work, she tells me what happens because she hears about it through my TL and then i talk to my old TL about it. it is fun and yet weird. i have to get use to having a new team.
so the crappy thing, i have to work EXTRA HARD in the fall in order to apply to study abroad in Italy! ugh. that stupid math class fucked my gpa up. however i passed it and what not. oh well. who knows. this is just a blog to write since it is weird not writing everyday. i think tonight might be SMOOTHIE night! :D
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
holy crap summer is here
oh hey! so this is my last blog in my dorm! :( i have about an hour until i check out which is fun and yet depressing. tonight is the last bond movie night and i am missing out. ugh. my friend promised we would watch it before today however, another friend made him break that promise. which is fine i suppose. i guess that means we will be hanging out over the summer. okay so we "promise" to hang out. haha. we always say we will hang out and promise but it never seems to happen. which is funny i suppose. oh well.
hm.. its so weird right now. my room is empty other then my laptop and some junk that i need to carry out. hm.. my car is PACKED to the point of no one can fit in my car with me. tee hee. i hated packing though. it took forever and i know i will be sore from lifting my fridge. yeah yeah i was suppose to wait for a friend to help me. but i didnt want to wait. i got up earlier then i thought so i figured i would just do it myself. haha. i have no idea what to talk about right now though.
oh! i know. so i got my portfolio and i was so close to the grade i wanted. haha. but i got high marks on my portfolio this time! i was pumped when i saw that and i passed my math class. which i studied my ass off for. hm.. well i suppose. i should shut my laptop down for now. i shall write another blog later! when i am home haha.
later blog!! SUMMER TIME BABY!!
hm.. its so weird right now. my room is empty other then my laptop and some junk that i need to carry out. hm.. my car is PACKED to the point of no one can fit in my car with me. tee hee. i hated packing though. it took forever and i know i will be sore from lifting my fridge. yeah yeah i was suppose to wait for a friend to help me. but i didnt want to wait. i got up earlier then i thought so i figured i would just do it myself. haha. i have no idea what to talk about right now though.
oh! i know. so i got my portfolio and i was so close to the grade i wanted. haha. but i got high marks on my portfolio this time! i was pumped when i saw that and i passed my math class. which i studied my ass off for. hm.. well i suppose. i should shut my laptop down for now. i shall write another blog later! when i am home haha.
later blog!! SUMMER TIME BABY!!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
My momma always said..
My momma always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."
today is mothers day! and tomorrow is my moms birthday! haha. sometimes i think my mom is lucky to have her birthday on mothers day and/or around it. who knows. its funny cause i remember making my mom little things in school for mothers day and now i'm in college. ha. i wonder how my mom feels about that...hm.. normally my brothers and i would also go out and buy her a new charm for her necklace but i dont think she has worn it for a while due to the chain breaking. hm.. maybe that could be her next present! yeah! it was funny cause i remember getting mad at my brother for not remembering my moms birthday two years ago....yes? yes. cause it was on a saturday. and this year i didnt want to call my mom because i would be calling her again tomorrow. haha. oh well. i called her anyway. i felt bad because i wasn't in the best of moods seeing how today is a rainy cloudy day and i just want to sleep but i cant due to finals. she didnt care though. she never seems to care if i call and vent to her about stupid things.
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this is my break from studying for finals. haha. i dont want to study. studying means focusing. but it is hard to focus when you feel like your brain is dying already. i haven't really been able to focus it seems like since i got done with my portfolio review on thursday. however! i re-did 93.33% of my portfolio. the only one in the class to redo it. i had one that i turned in for a grade during the semester. see, we have to have 5 new prints that no one has seen in the portfolio and i print 14 new images. some of them had multiple images on a mat board. so i spent about .... 15 hours printing. and 12 hours matting? yeah i felt like death after that. it was funny though, cause i didnt think i looked tired. but my professor looks at me and goes "you look like crap kayla. how much sleep have you gotten lately?" and i told him i was up late matting and what not. and finally told him i have 14 new prints and he was impressed.
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THUNDER AND LIGHTNING!!! WOOOT!!!! i'm excited and yet i need to focus and not be happy about a thunderstorm! :D
later blog!!
today is mothers day! and tomorrow is my moms birthday! haha. sometimes i think my mom is lucky to have her birthday on mothers day and/or around it. who knows. its funny cause i remember making my mom little things in school for mothers day and now i'm in college. ha. i wonder how my mom feels about that...hm.. normally my brothers and i would also go out and buy her a new charm for her necklace but i dont think she has worn it for a while due to the chain breaking. hm.. maybe that could be her next present! yeah! it was funny cause i remember getting mad at my brother for not remembering my moms birthday two years ago....yes? yes. cause it was on a saturday. and this year i didnt want to call my mom because i would be calling her again tomorrow. haha. oh well. i called her anyway. i felt bad because i wasn't in the best of moods seeing how today is a rainy cloudy day and i just want to sleep but i cant due to finals. she didnt care though. she never seems to care if i call and vent to her about stupid things.
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this is my break from studying for finals. haha. i dont want to study. studying means focusing. but it is hard to focus when you feel like your brain is dying already. i haven't really been able to focus it seems like since i got done with my portfolio review on thursday. however! i re-did 93.33% of my portfolio. the only one in the class to redo it. i had one that i turned in for a grade during the semester. see, we have to have 5 new prints that no one has seen in the portfolio and i print 14 new images. some of them had multiple images on a mat board. so i spent about .... 15 hours printing. and 12 hours matting? yeah i felt like death after that. it was funny though, cause i didnt think i looked tired. but my professor looks at me and goes "you look like crap kayla. how much sleep have you gotten lately?" and i told him i was up late matting and what not. and finally told him i have 14 new prints and he was impressed.
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THUNDER AND LIGHTNING!!! WOOOT!!!! i'm excited and yet i need to focus and not be happy about a thunderstorm! :D
later blog!!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
silly little love songs
wednesday at 1:30 pm is when i am leaving for home. can't believe i am saying this but i am happy to be going home. my summer plans got changed when i took my job back at vfair. i wasn't planning on going back to valleyfair this summer because i wanted to get a head start on my minor over the summer. however, i am just doing that during the fall. it seems a little weird that my best friends are graduating next year. truth? i have no idea what i would do with out them right now. they know how to make me relax and not be stressed. yes that does mean drinking sometimes but sometimes it just means being around them. dont get me wrong, i am trying to get over to italy for a year after they graduate. which is probably why i didn't apply to go next year because i want to be around them so i dont miss them. well i know i will miss them because i have gotten so much closer with them this year that over the high school years. i dont know. i know i will miss one of them the most because we have become really close over the last 5ish school years. going to be 6 in the fall. hm.. i love them a ton.
so glee last week was titled "born this way" and there is a song that every girl probably can relate to.
really though. how many girls think they are unpretty and do not like who they are? maybe not as a person but as their appearance. some girls want to look like that girl while another wants to be someone else. maybe a model or an actress. we have people in the world to be our role models but yet how far is to far? i'm not going to lie. i hate ... well i guess i dont hate. i dont like how i look. i try to hide how i feel about myself but this song makes me think and wonder about things. i know it is my choice to lose the weight. and believe me, that is one reason i am extremely happy to be going back to vfair because i know i will lose the weight because i am on my feet all day long moving and i dont get to eat as much. seeing how i normally dont eat much during the summer and since summer is normally hot i always feel sick when i eat and its super hot out.
so tuesday was my two friends from high school's 21st birthday. and believe me. i think i caught up to them well enough. i smoked my first cigar that night! it was awesome. i enjoyed it. i do not remember falling asleep however, which makes it slightly weirded out. but other then that it was a good night. i drink with my high school friends and a friend i met in college. i tend to be the only girl there, which is fine. my friends fiance will join us after she gets back from eurospring. man i can not wait until i dont have to say sorry for drinking anymore. i already told my friends once i turn 21 if i say i'm sorry for drinking that they need to slap me.
well i need to get studying for my two finals. math and art history. ugh. i'm nervous!
so glee last week was titled "born this way" and there is a song that every girl probably can relate to.
really though. how many girls think they are unpretty and do not like who they are? maybe not as a person but as their appearance. some girls want to look like that girl while another wants to be someone else. maybe a model or an actress. we have people in the world to be our role models but yet how far is to far? i'm not going to lie. i hate ... well i guess i dont hate. i dont like how i look. i try to hide how i feel about myself but this song makes me think and wonder about things. i know it is my choice to lose the weight. and believe me, that is one reason i am extremely happy to be going back to vfair because i know i will lose the weight because i am on my feet all day long moving and i dont get to eat as much. seeing how i normally dont eat much during the summer and since summer is normally hot i always feel sick when i eat and its super hot out.
so tuesday was my two friends from high school's 21st birthday. and believe me. i think i caught up to them well enough. i smoked my first cigar that night! it was awesome. i enjoyed it. i do not remember falling asleep however, which makes it slightly weirded out. but other then that it was a good night. i drink with my high school friends and a friend i met in college. i tend to be the only girl there, which is fine. my friends fiance will join us after she gets back from eurospring. man i can not wait until i dont have to say sorry for drinking anymore. i already told my friends once i turn 21 if i say i'm sorry for drinking that they need to slap me.
well i need to get studying for my two finals. math and art history. ugh. i'm nervous!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
ever wonder if tv shows have an impact on what you believe?
so have you ever wondered if tv shoes have an impact on your beliefs? i mean, seriously have you ever watched Supernatural? the fact that Lucifer is out to kill people, and ha, well he is "no more" per-say seeing how well, who knows. someone asked if i believe in the devil and i said no, because after watching supernatural i haven't believed in many supernatural things. yeah yeah i know. blah blah. oh well. haha.
so lately the song Losing My Religion has been my favorite song for some reason. who knows. i have these weird periods where one song i just love listening to and then i hate it. so hopefully i dont start hating this song. mer so i feel like i am blogged out. why? because i just spent a month typing out blogs. sorry that my final blog for april was REALLY short. i was at the school play again and then my mom and i went to dinner finally. so it was super late and getting close to May 1st. so yeah. haha. oh well. i just needed to post something.
so this weekend i went to work. well i went home and then to work. valleyfair baby! which is funny because i am working at CORKSCREW again! woo! i really hope i get the co-lead position this season! because one, more money, two i get to be a little special. and second more hours basically! :D bahahaha.
yeah well lets just see.
later blog!
so lately the song Losing My Religion has been my favorite song for some reason. who knows. i have these weird periods where one song i just love listening to and then i hate it. so hopefully i dont start hating this song. mer so i feel like i am blogged out. why? because i just spent a month typing out blogs. sorry that my final blog for april was REALLY short. i was at the school play again and then my mom and i went to dinner finally. so it was super late and getting close to May 1st. so yeah. haha. oh well. i just needed to post something.
so this weekend i went to work. well i went home and then to work. valleyfair baby! which is funny because i am working at CORKSCREW again! woo! i really hope i get the co-lead position this season! because one, more money, two i get to be a little special. and second more hours basically! :D bahahaha.
yeah well lets just see.
later blog!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
blood + sweat + tears + no sleep + long hours = theatre!
i remember being in high school, freshmen year, i tried out for the play The Crucible and i didn't get in. i was horrible at acting and i knew it. so i wasn't shocked when i didnt get a part in the play. so i decided to try and become the new light board operator! and guess what! i became the light board operator. haha. i was really happy, but sort of scared at the same time. of course i messed up BIG time my first year. you see, we have posters, and the techies were signing them and well, the grand master sub slowly got turned down. haha. yea i failed and have posters on my board. oh well. the only time i REALLY messed up big time. dont worry, my tech director and theatre director have never let me forget it. oh well. i became really close friends with the stage manager who finally was the one that stayed longer then a show. we always chat about the good times, and the bad times and still to this day, there hasn't been an amazing stage manager since him.
oh well, my senior year i became chief electrician! it was awesome, i had my own crew and everything and then i graduated and left my little brother to take my place. if you have never been in theatre you dont understand how much time and work it takes to get a show going. being a true theatre freak you are there from start to finish. i have no idea how many hours i have spent in the theatre. i mean, i would get to school at 7AM and not leave until 11PM sometime. that even counts for tech week. a.k.a hell week. there were times when i would have to ask my teachers if i could leave early just to help finish a set because it wasn't finished yet. our tech director, stage manager and i ended up doing that once in awhile.
anywho, this all has come up because i just watched my brothers theatre [my high school] put on the play Into The Woods. i have never seen it before but let me tell you! that cast was amazing! the crew was amazing and everything! i can't explain how much i miss theatre every time i hear someone say they are going to see a show at the theatre. i really do miss it. and it was a shocker to those who know me very well. those who knew how much i loved being in the cats and how much i loved just being in the booth and theatre. they were shocked knowing i wasn't going to be in theatre the rest of my life. that is my brothers soon to be career.
words can not express how proud i am of him filling in my shoes and taking control of the lights in the theatre department. i know i left the lights in good hands with him, even though there are times i know he gets annoyed with people and wants to quit but he is just like me and understands how much blood, sweat and tears it takes to get something going.
all in all, i miss theatre and i am proud of my brother.
oh well, my senior year i became chief electrician! it was awesome, i had my own crew and everything and then i graduated and left my little brother to take my place. if you have never been in theatre you dont understand how much time and work it takes to get a show going. being a true theatre freak you are there from start to finish. i have no idea how many hours i have spent in the theatre. i mean, i would get to school at 7AM and not leave until 11PM sometime. that even counts for tech week. a.k.a hell week. there were times when i would have to ask my teachers if i could leave early just to help finish a set because it wasn't finished yet. our tech director, stage manager and i ended up doing that once in awhile.
anywho, this all has come up because i just watched my brothers theatre [my high school] put on the play Into The Woods. i have never seen it before but let me tell you! that cast was amazing! the crew was amazing and everything! i can't explain how much i miss theatre every time i hear someone say they are going to see a show at the theatre. i really do miss it. and it was a shocker to those who know me very well. those who knew how much i loved being in the cats and how much i loved just being in the booth and theatre. they were shocked knowing i wasn't going to be in theatre the rest of my life. that is my brothers soon to be career.
words can not express how proud i am of him filling in my shoes and taking control of the lights in the theatre department. i know i left the lights in good hands with him, even though there are times i know he gets annoyed with people and wants to quit but he is just like me and understands how much blood, sweat and tears it takes to get something going.
all in all, i miss theatre and i am proud of my brother.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
you are beautiful in your own way
so jana did this survey thinger that chelsea was talking about. so i guess i will do the same thing. why? because i like to copy my friends blog. haha no. because i have nothing to write about today. my mood is a meh mood so maybe this will help me? who knows. well here it goes.
1. Name a book you would take on a long flight?
i suppose i would have to say any of the harry potter books. it would give me enough time to read them and i wouldn't be bored. i mean, there are some books that i get bored with and harry potter isn't one of them.
2. What is your guilty pleasure?
um...Glee or cheesy romance books. i dont know why but they are. glee isn't anything important i suppose. i have to thank my best friend and her roommate for getting me addicted to that show. and the romance novels, they are just fun to read.
3. Name three characters from any book, you wish you could be friends with?
Damon, Stefan Salvatore (Vampire Diaries, yes it is a book) and any of the Weasley's (Harry Potter).
4. What your shoe size?
mer...big! hah. 11.....mer.
5. If you could write your own book, name the title and a brief synopsis.
Photographer yet nothing like an artist. "this is a story of a girl who use to be in love with music and theatre until she finally came to college and decided to be a photographer. however, the girl soon realized she is nothing like any of the artist that she is around. going through the ups and downs of becoming a photographer and hoping to make it big in the world." [haha sucks i know]
6. Whats your favorites flavor of ice cream?
maple nut
7. What book are you currently reading?
Nauti Boy
8. What room do you write your blogs in?
my bedroom as of right now. i still haven't tried the blogger mobile yet.
9.Best YA series you've ever read?
Harry Potter most likely.
10. What is your best physical attribute?
erm.......
11. Do you like manga or comics, if so name your favorite series?
haha....i read the sunday comics and i like batman... does that count?
12. Do you sleep on your side or your stomach?
it depends. mostly on my side.
13. Favorite book mark?
haha random much? i have this celtic knot bookmark that i like to use.
14. What song are you currently listening in your ipod?
get it right - glee cast
15. Worst summer job you've ever had?
i never worked there over the summer, but when i worked at a tae kwon do studio.
16. Whats your favorite band, or type of music?
dont really have a favorite band, and i listen to just about anything.
hm...haha. well there you have it folks!
1. Name a book you would take on a long flight?
i suppose i would have to say any of the harry potter books. it would give me enough time to read them and i wouldn't be bored. i mean, there are some books that i get bored with and harry potter isn't one of them.
2. What is your guilty pleasure?
um...Glee or cheesy romance books. i dont know why but they are. glee isn't anything important i suppose. i have to thank my best friend and her roommate for getting me addicted to that show. and the romance novels, they are just fun to read.
3. Name three characters from any book, you wish you could be friends with?
Damon, Stefan Salvatore (Vampire Diaries, yes it is a book) and any of the Weasley's (Harry Potter).
4. What your shoe size?
mer...big! hah. 11.....mer.
5. If you could write your own book, name the title and a brief synopsis.
Photographer yet nothing like an artist. "this is a story of a girl who use to be in love with music and theatre until she finally came to college and decided to be a photographer. however, the girl soon realized she is nothing like any of the artist that she is around. going through the ups and downs of becoming a photographer and hoping to make it big in the world." [haha sucks i know]
6. Whats your favorites flavor of ice cream?
maple nut
7. What book are you currently reading?
Nauti Boy
8. What room do you write your blogs in?
my bedroom as of right now. i still haven't tried the blogger mobile yet.
9.Best YA series you've ever read?
Harry Potter most likely.
10. What is your best physical attribute?
erm.......
11. Do you like manga or comics, if so name your favorite series?
haha....i read the sunday comics and i like batman... does that count?
12. Do you sleep on your side or your stomach?
it depends. mostly on my side.
13. Favorite book mark?
haha random much? i have this celtic knot bookmark that i like to use.
14. What song are you currently listening in your ipod?
get it right - glee cast
15. Worst summer job you've ever had?
i never worked there over the summer, but when i worked at a tae kwon do studio.
16. Whats your favorite band, or type of music?
dont really have a favorite band, and i listen to just about anything.
hm...haha. well there you have it folks!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
seasons come and go and seasons stay for a while.
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| Title: Looking Past It All |
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| Title: Play Time....? |
howdy, so i figured i would finally put something that is somewhat related to photography in a blog. i know i did yesterday but meh. so the top one is from the art gallery on campus first semester and the bottom one is my "emotional disturbed" project. eh. who knows.
so in art history today we were talking about impressionism paintings. and moulin rouge painting came up. and i was just chilling there thinking of the movie moulin rouge and how i really want to watch it now then we went onto another piece and the artist name was toulouse lautrec. and then it finally clicked. toulouse is also a character in moulin rouge. and the artist was REALLY short to due to a birth defect and in the movie toulouse is also small, and what not. it made me laugh because it finally clicked and i learned something new in school today!! haha.
mer..i suppose. im in a blah mood. probably because i started to think again about sunday which is a bitch. ugh.
night.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
life is like a box of chocolate...
did you know there is something called national pinhole camera day! its pretty sweet seeing how that was our final project in photography. we got to upload them online to this website and everything. it is pretty sweet. i thought so. i made a pinhole camera out of a match box. sounds weird right? ha. well, it is harder then it seems because you have to be exact and cant make the hole to large or you expose the film/paper to much. woo photography. anywho, i suppose i could show you which image i uploaded to the site.
anywho so i'm watching whos line on abc family. its a fun show to watch. it normally makes me laugh. however, i think i laugh more when i am with my friends though. because i dont know. have you ever noticed that you laugh more when around your friends? maybe because their energy rubs off on you and what not. who knows. i guess its just like my brothers. i think i have a different relationship with my siblings then a lot of siblings do? i dont know, i am the only girl so i grew up with boys and i can talk to them better then girls. other then my best friend of 19 years but still. who knows. all i know is my brothers and i together, with out girlfriends and all that jazz get along better then some siblings that i know. haha. oh well. i think it is fun to laugh with people. i think people tend to laugh more when people are around.
i also think it is funny when people laugh to themselves. i find myself doing that a lot sometimes. just remembering funny things that have happened or if something might happen and you think about it. who knows, i think it is funny to watch people just start laughing and then people ask them what they are laughing at and they just say nothing, or you wouldn't understand/get it.
i suppose, i'm tired and sort of in one of those bitchy/crabby moods today. hopefully if i go to bed now i will be fine in the morning.
night blog!
anywho so i'm watching whos line on abc family. its a fun show to watch. it normally makes me laugh. however, i think i laugh more when i am with my friends though. because i dont know. have you ever noticed that you laugh more when around your friends? maybe because their energy rubs off on you and what not. who knows. i guess its just like my brothers. i think i have a different relationship with my siblings then a lot of siblings do? i dont know, i am the only girl so i grew up with boys and i can talk to them better then girls. other then my best friend of 19 years but still. who knows. all i know is my brothers and i together, with out girlfriends and all that jazz get along better then some siblings that i know. haha. oh well. i think it is fun to laugh with people. i think people tend to laugh more when people are around.
i also think it is funny when people laugh to themselves. i find myself doing that a lot sometimes. just remembering funny things that have happened or if something might happen and you think about it. who knows, i think it is funny to watch people just start laughing and then people ask them what they are laughing at and they just say nothing, or you wouldn't understand/get it.
i suppose, i'm tired and sort of in one of those bitchy/crabby moods today. hopefully if i go to bed now i will be fine in the morning.
night blog!
Monday, April 25, 2011
monkey see monkey do..
yeah my title has nothing to do with my blog today. idk i cant think of anything to put as titles anymore. funny how the blogging everyday is coming to an end. i find it hard to thing of stuff to write about lately that is why my blogs have been short.
anywho, so easter was yesterday. i was on campus. once again a holiday i am not at home for. however, my family did not celebrate easter together for the first time in i dont know how many years they didn't get together. well i dont think that has ever happened before. no it wasn't my fault that they didn't have easter together. it was going to be postponed until this coming weekend because that is why i would be home, but then i realized my grandma wasn't having easter so i guess they just cancelled it all together? i mean, my aunt did something with her family and my mom and brother did something. i dont know. i just dont feel like i give a crap about easter, or christmas right now. i know, what the heck. what is wrong with her. is she losing her religion?! no. i am not. its just i dont like being around my family right now and it seems to be something no one gets. sorry but i'm not going into detail of why i dont want to be around them. something i dont feel like sharing online as of right now. but still. i can say i haven't wanted to be around them since the funeral.
on May 1st it will be six months since my aunt has passed away. woo...weird how time flies when you are busy but then that one day makes you remember something not so great. finals are coming up, and i have been so busy trying to get my final portfolio finished that i guess i haven't realized that it has been half a year already. wow. hm.. guess i just haven't wanted to see it? its something that i haven't wanted to see, or believe i suppose. i miss my aunt more then people probably realize because i dont share my feelings on it. and i really haven't cried over it because that is who i am. i have held in the tears that were needed at the funeral. i think my dad was the only one who saw tears form when we were walking the casket to be carried to the cemetery. who knows. i'm not a heartless bitch, i just have been the one my grandparents lean on. i mean, i sat next to my grandma during the service and i was the one holding her hand. it isn't something i enjoy talking about. which is probably why i dont care about easter or christmas that much right now. and i really dont know what i feel when it comes to religion as of right now either. i mean my parents have always said it is up to me what religion i want to be when i am finally old enough to make my own choices.
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so today everyone came back to campus. i dont think i have been more happy to see some of my friends since the beginning of the semester. i guess the only reason i was really happy three of my guy friends came back is so i can just walk into their room and just be me and hang out with them. who knows.
i started packing up my room today. most of my stuff is off my shelves and out of my closet. i hate packing it sucks. because that means i have to be inside and not outside where it is beautiful. hopefully the weather stays nice this week. however i have looked ahead and rain is in the forecast most of the week. and then i am going home to work blah blah. man i live a boring life. going home the opposite weekends my friends are. oh well.
i will write more tomorrow. later blog!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
stumble upon is a major distraction.
you know what sucks. online exams. well no not really but they do suck when there are 17 essays to write on it. yes i had 17 essays to write for my final exam and what not. i got them done with in 3 hours. ugh i swear my answers to my essays get shittier and shittier as i was going on and it was getting later. oh well, i dont care, i got it done so that is all that matters.
so today was easter as well. i didn't do anything. i worked on homework all day and slept. i hate when T.O.M comes because i get super tired and i dont want to do anything, even though it is a beautiful day out. hm.. who knows really. i suppose it is a little different forever one else.
yeah. well i will post more tomorrow. sort of out of it right now.
later.
so today was easter as well. i didn't do anything. i worked on homework all day and slept. i hate when T.O.M comes because i get super tired and i dont want to do anything, even though it is a beautiful day out. hm.. who knows really. i suppose it is a little different forever one else.
yeah. well i will post more tomorrow. sort of out of it right now.
later.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
party like a rockstar
have any of you been on stumbleupon.com? haha i dont know why but it is the most addicting thing ever. i think this weekend i have wasted about three hours of my life on that site. oh well it is super fun! who knows. i have found some pretty interesting things on stumble. i think i got my cousin addicted to the site as well.
so like i said i was going to tell you about the movie i watched last night. requiem for a dream. yeah lets just say if you want to watch the most depressing movie in your entire life then watch that movie. i'm not kidding either. it is basically about drugs the whole time. at first these four lives are going well for everyone and throughout the movie things turn bad blah blah. anywho yeah, the mother in the movie goes insane. i mean REALLY insane. to the point where she is in the hospital. i dont want to give the movie away or anything because that would be pointless. i do say, it is a movie everyone should watch once in their lives even if it is depressing. and even if that means watching it alone. because i did. and it was weird.
ever find yourself liking something you probably never thought you would? for example i like glee. at first i thought it was stupid and i never wanted to watch it. however i can thank my best friend and her roommate for getting me addicted to the show. plus there are other tv shows that i love to watch. i dont know, i think it is funny how people get addicted to things. not drunks or anything well i guess that would count as well seeing how it is easy to get addicted to drugs. still do people really go that insane that they live and breath that stuff? like pokemon. seriously i do not remember the last time i sat down and played my gameboy and played pokemon. i dont have the cards either. however i had almost all of them but still. i can understand liking pokemon in elementary and maybe middle school. but when you hit high school and college dont you think it is a little .... weird?
i'm not hating on pokemon so dont kill me. i am just saying i find it a little weird to be obsessed with the game. seriously if you have your DS all the time on you playing it no matter where you are, other then class, you might have a problem. who knows maybe i dont see what the point in it is.
so on another note. i'm hungry. haha. i had two apples and some cheetos and some chips for dinner. well dinnerish. hopefully my friends want to go to perkins like ke$ha! haha. but no today was a productive day. i got most of my final portfolio done. i just have to cut the windows out on the mat board and then i will be set. tomorrow my goal is to get my online exam done. woot! i miss my friends seeing how it is a long weekend. but i feel like i am getting more work done now that they aren't here. which sounds mean but i have been mroe productive then i have been in a week or so. so who knows!
i must be off i am getting hungry and it is almost time to pick my friend up from work.
later blog!
so like i said i was going to tell you about the movie i watched last night. requiem for a dream. yeah lets just say if you want to watch the most depressing movie in your entire life then watch that movie. i'm not kidding either. it is basically about drugs the whole time. at first these four lives are going well for everyone and throughout the movie things turn bad blah blah. anywho yeah, the mother in the movie goes insane. i mean REALLY insane. to the point where she is in the hospital. i dont want to give the movie away or anything because that would be pointless. i do say, it is a movie everyone should watch once in their lives even if it is depressing. and even if that means watching it alone. because i did. and it was weird.
ever find yourself liking something you probably never thought you would? for example i like glee. at first i thought it was stupid and i never wanted to watch it. however i can thank my best friend and her roommate for getting me addicted to the show. plus there are other tv shows that i love to watch. i dont know, i think it is funny how people get addicted to things. not drunks or anything well i guess that would count as well seeing how it is easy to get addicted to drugs. still do people really go that insane that they live and breath that stuff? like pokemon. seriously i do not remember the last time i sat down and played my gameboy and played pokemon. i dont have the cards either. however i had almost all of them but still. i can understand liking pokemon in elementary and maybe middle school. but when you hit high school and college dont you think it is a little .... weird?
i'm not hating on pokemon so dont kill me. i am just saying i find it a little weird to be obsessed with the game. seriously if you have your DS all the time on you playing it no matter where you are, other then class, you might have a problem. who knows maybe i dont see what the point in it is.
so on another note. i'm hungry. haha. i had two apples and some cheetos and some chips for dinner. well dinnerish. hopefully my friends want to go to perkins like ke$ha! haha. but no today was a productive day. i got most of my final portfolio done. i just have to cut the windows out on the mat board and then i will be set. tomorrow my goal is to get my online exam done. woot! i miss my friends seeing how it is a long weekend. but i feel like i am getting more work done now that they aren't here. which sounds mean but i have been mroe productive then i have been in a week or so. so who knows!
i must be off i am getting hungry and it is almost time to pick my friend up from work.
later blog!
Friday, April 22, 2011
what is love and when does it happen?
so i found out that i am just as bad as a friend of mine when being overly tired and wanting to kiss someone or just dont care what happens when grabbing their face and kissing them. however, before anything could happen i just walked away and went to bed and when i woke up i didn't want to do it anymore? is being overly tired causing me to be like that? hell if i would have kissed him would it have mattered anyway? who the heck knows really. all i know is right now, i dont know what i should be doing when it comes to relationships. well. i know it would be fun to have one, but at the same time i probably wouldn't have time for a boyfriend. i always say that but then again, who knows if someone has time for a relationship. haha oh well.
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yeah so my story. i think i lost my muse for it. heh. maybe i will start it back up later but my muse has been dead for a while. well its the weekend and i feel like i dont know what to say in my blog today. it is crappy outside. raining. so basically i just want to lay in my bed and read my book all day. i mean, i did some work. i edited some photos today but my flash drive is sort of full so i can't really save anything on it right now oh well. man something fun needs to happen because it is a little boring here. meh. i am sure i will have more to talk about next week or something. haha i have training weekend for valleyfair and i am sort of dreading it right now. it is going to be boring. day number one is sitting in the galaxy theatre and listening to the managers talk ALL DAY. the second day is meh. okay. we learn how to operate the rides. so who knows where i am going to be. all i know is pow tow is out because i would be working with monica and that isn't okay. we arent allowed to work with our friends apparently. which is dumb.
well i think i am going to go watch black swan and requiem for a dream. i'll let you know how messed of requiem is. haha
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yeah so my story. i think i lost my muse for it. heh. maybe i will start it back up later but my muse has been dead for a while. well its the weekend and i feel like i dont know what to say in my blog today. it is crappy outside. raining. so basically i just want to lay in my bed and read my book all day. i mean, i did some work. i edited some photos today but my flash drive is sort of full so i can't really save anything on it right now oh well. man something fun needs to happen because it is a little boring here. meh. i am sure i will have more to talk about next week or something. haha i have training weekend for valleyfair and i am sort of dreading it right now. it is going to be boring. day number one is sitting in the galaxy theatre and listening to the managers talk ALL DAY. the second day is meh. okay. we learn how to operate the rides. so who knows where i am going to be. all i know is pow tow is out because i would be working with monica and that isn't okay. we arent allowed to work with our friends apparently. which is dumb.
well i think i am going to go watch black swan and requiem for a dream. i'll let you know how messed of requiem is. haha
Thursday, April 21, 2011
nanananananananananana BATMAN!!!!
howdy. so today started easter break. i'm sitting here on campus because there is no point in my driving home three weekends in a row. oh well. i have stuff to do. tomorrow i am sleeping in no matter what! i need to sleep this weekend. however, i am hopefully going to party with a friend this weekend. if not i am sure he will text me all weekend. which is always fun. then i am working on my final portfolio and i am going to try to get my econ papers done so i dont have to worry about them. also i have an exam to do. so yes for the next four days i will have stuff to do. haha.
so i want these batman shoes. they are at journey and i dont know. i just want them. i like batman a lot. i mean, hot topic has this batman hoodie that i want too which i am hopefully going to get sometime soon. speaking of spending money. i have to buy a new laptop for photography. so i am taking a big loan out from the school, since it is required for us to have a laptop for photography the school is somewhat required to give us money for it. however, we are also suppose to buy a monitor but i am just going to use my tv as a monitor if i use one during the school year. it is mostly to work at home. who knows.
mer. who knows. this is going to be a short one tonight. not sure what to talk about right now. my mind is sort of ..... blah.
later
so i want these batman shoes. they are at journey and i dont know. i just want them. i like batman a lot. i mean, hot topic has this batman hoodie that i want too which i am hopefully going to get sometime soon. speaking of spending money. i have to buy a new laptop for photography. so i am taking a big loan out from the school, since it is required for us to have a laptop for photography the school is somewhat required to give us money for it. however, we are also suppose to buy a monitor but i am just going to use my tv as a monitor if i use one during the school year. it is mostly to work at home. who knows.
mer. who knows. this is going to be a short one tonight. not sure what to talk about right now. my mind is sort of ..... blah.
later
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
sometimes life can bring you many things
morning again blog. haha. well i am suppose to be in class right now. however, being me i got a phone call from a friend to go pick her up from her boyfriend's house. cause he took off with her keys on accident. so i tried to get a hold of a friend so i wouldn't have to skip class and well i ended up skipping class. however when i was on my way to my car she called and told me her boyfriend came back and gave her her keys. wanna know how stupid i would have looked if i walked back into class?! ya. so now i am regretting leaving class but i wasn't just going to leave her there stranded or anything. i dont know. now i feel like i am fucked when it comes to that class. so now i am sitting in the library wondering why the hell i even left class. i should be in class learning this stupid math because hell if i understand it. ugh. i swear if i fail this class i might end up hiding in a cave for a while. its going to mess up my gpa and i am not going to be able to go to italy when i want to. ugh. that is my goal right now. keeping my gpa where it is so i can go to italy for a year my fourth year of college. i think that is a good goal to have dont you think?
i dont know. so lately i haven't been posting long blogs. haha. well monday i was to tired to think of something to talk about and yesterday, i was busy with homework for art history that i sort of forgot to post one. yeah. oh well i still have the correct number of blogs up for april. funny how after writing these blogs i have found it more relaxing just to type whatever i have on my mind out in here. why? who knows. but apparently it is helping me before more open to people just writing. then again, i use to write all the time but i never told anyone about any of the stuff i wrote. who knows all i know is monday was an up and down day.
funny how you can have a roller coaster day right? i mean sunday/monday night i got an hour of sleep. then drive back to campus at 3AM went to math. found out art history was cancelled which made my day better. went and developed my film which turned out. and then my backpack broke. yeah...i had to spend more money on stuff i really didn't need. oh well i suppose. my build-a-bear backpack wasn't going to last forever. so i bought a nicer one that can protect my cellphone and ipod during the day. mostly the pocket is soft enough it wont scratch the screen of them. which is good because i am working all summer and i always have those with me when i go on break or when i am driving home so it will be nice not to have someone brake my stuff while it is in the storage bin.
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anywho, so its night [yes i start my blogs during the day and keep working on them through out the day] and i am playing kingdom hearts 2. the only one that i have finished playing and beaten it by myself. i haven't beaten the first one, which is fine. i've watched my brother beat it a bunch of times. dunno. so i'm bored. and people are leaving tomorrow for the long weekend. i am taking jake to the airport. i'm not mad that i have to get up early tomorrow though. because i want to take him to the airport. even if that means just talking to him for fifteen minutes its still going to be fun. that and after class i can sleep and it doesn't matter because people will be heading home already. still, what is going to be weird is not having jake or nolo around for the weekend. i know i have other friends but i see them everyday, well almost everyday still. it is going to be weird. cause i probably wont see jake until wednesday if that. maybe tuesday depending on his schedule and my schedule.
anywho yeah. i will try and get a part of the story up soon. i know its been forever since i last posted another part of it! sorry. been busy. final portfolio stuff is coming up and i am going to be spending a lot of time in the darkroom trying to finish it up and all.
later blog. off to play kingdom hearts 2.
i dont know. so lately i haven't been posting long blogs. haha. well monday i was to tired to think of something to talk about and yesterday, i was busy with homework for art history that i sort of forgot to post one. yeah. oh well i still have the correct number of blogs up for april. funny how after writing these blogs i have found it more relaxing just to type whatever i have on my mind out in here. why? who knows. but apparently it is helping me before more open to people just writing. then again, i use to write all the time but i never told anyone about any of the stuff i wrote. who knows all i know is monday was an up and down day.
funny how you can have a roller coaster day right? i mean sunday/monday night i got an hour of sleep. then drive back to campus at 3AM went to math. found out art history was cancelled which made my day better. went and developed my film which turned out. and then my backpack broke. yeah...i had to spend more money on stuff i really didn't need. oh well i suppose. my build-a-bear backpack wasn't going to last forever. so i bought a nicer one that can protect my cellphone and ipod during the day. mostly the pocket is soft enough it wont scratch the screen of them. which is good because i am working all summer and i always have those with me when i go on break or when i am driving home so it will be nice not to have someone brake my stuff while it is in the storage bin.
---------------------------
anywho, so its night [yes i start my blogs during the day and keep working on them through out the day] and i am playing kingdom hearts 2. the only one that i have finished playing and beaten it by myself. i haven't beaten the first one, which is fine. i've watched my brother beat it a bunch of times. dunno. so i'm bored. and people are leaving tomorrow for the long weekend. i am taking jake to the airport. i'm not mad that i have to get up early tomorrow though. because i want to take him to the airport. even if that means just talking to him for fifteen minutes its still going to be fun. that and after class i can sleep and it doesn't matter because people will be heading home already. still, what is going to be weird is not having jake or nolo around for the weekend. i know i have other friends but i see them everyday, well almost everyday still. it is going to be weird. cause i probably wont see jake until wednesday if that. maybe tuesday depending on his schedule and my schedule.
anywho yeah. i will try and get a part of the story up soon. i know its been forever since i last posted another part of it! sorry. been busy. final portfolio stuff is coming up and i am going to be spending a lot of time in the darkroom trying to finish it up and all.
later blog. off to play kingdom hearts 2.
fail fail fail fail. haha
yes. once again i have failed to post on day number NINETEEN! however. i was working on a paper and then i went to watch a movie. however, i have set up blogging mobile on my phone. so lets see how well that one goes then! YAY! i will most number TWENTY later. sorry guys for being late again. stupid homework.
later!
later!
Monday, April 18, 2011
every tear falls down for a reason
hey all. so. yeah. i have no idea what to talk about today. maybe because i haven't slept much yet today. i spelt for an hour. if that even counts as sleeping.
yea i might edit this later but i am tired. going to bed to finally sleep for the day.
night.
yea i might edit this later but i am tired. going to bed to finally sleep for the day.
night.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
sometimes words are harder to say in person then writing them down.
jayden looked at jaycee and was afraid. she couldn't tell him why but she was scared. she wanted to tell him that she had a dream where he shot vince and was a cold heartless bastard more then he seems to be. she could see that he was worried about her now. she knew how many times her phone went off and yet she didn't answer it at all. jayden just laid in her bed, her eyes were red from crying and her face seemed to be wet still. jaycee knew that wasn't a good thing either. he didn't know about her nightmares, and that she couldn't sleep because she hid it very well. "whats wrong jay?" he asked her as he stared at her worried. the girl shifted her eyes to look away from him. she just started at her bed and shrugged. "i dont know. i had a nightmare..." she said finally, she didn't want to tell him that she has been having nightmares lately about everything because it was something he didn't need to know. plus he probably didn't even care about it. then again why would he be at her house right now if he didnt care? jayden played with the corner of her blanket as she waited for jaycee to bitch her out about it. it was the reason she hasn't moved from her bed all day. hell she didnt even know what time it was.
jaycee thought about it and he was slightly annoyed that is why she didn't answer her phone. or if that was the reason she didnt answer her phone. "well..what was it about jay? it must be bad if you dont answer your damn phone when i call you of the fact that you have been crying it seems." jaycee asked looking at her. normally she would look at him in the eyes and just tell him off but today was different. the girl couldnt even stand to look at him. even if it was a dream it still scared the living shit out of her. jayden looked up at him and shrugged again. she wasnt sure if she wanted to tell him. in the end however, she ended up telling jaycee all about her dream, to the last detail of him kissing her and calling her a whore and saying she would never be loved. she told him everything and everything meant telling him she was falling for vince and everything. jaycee wasnt sure what to think about that right now. he understood why she was scared of him right now. jaycee knew he could be the worlds biggest asshole and yet he still was a sweetheart in the end. jaycee was about to say something but his phone went off and he went to check it. he sighed and looked at jayden with the eyes that he needed to ask her a question about doing a job....
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sorry its short today guys. its early in the morning and i took a super long nap after reading my book. its one of those cheesy romance books. but this one is fun to read. why? because it doesn't hide anything. it is fun to read but i am sure if some other people read them it would bug them a little. i dont know. it is fun to read for me because i am not afraid about reading sex. it is fun. yes i know, "how weird can you be? seriously!" but hey, everyone has their little kinky things i suppose and reading is mine. at least it isn't porn or anything. haha. plus i have never read romance books before and this one is fun to read and i do enjoy it. maybe a little to much. it sometimes gives me fun dreams to. yeah yeah, sex dreams. that is what i am talking about. there is nothing wrong with having one. almost everyone has one, it just depends on if you remember or not. seeing how you dont normally remember your dreams. i am not going to be afraid to say that i do enjoy them once in a while. sometimes they make me confused as to who was in them. but anywho that is something different and i am tired so i basically dont care what i say right now. haha!
something that has been bugging me. and no it isn't really ranting about stuff it is more of me being me. i might have said something in my last blog about this. i dont know. it is hard for me to open up to people. even my best friends. hell it takes two of my best friends forever to get me to tell them what is wrong. there is one that i can tell everything to but that is because i have known her for nineteen years and we are basically sisters. but no, i just feel like when i told two of my best friends, finally, what was on my mind i got attacked. sure they probably didn't think they were attacking me. but that is how i felt. yeah yeah i know. stop feeling sorry for yourself. well i'm not. i am just stating what i am feeling. i dont know i think it is funny that even though it takes me a while to open up to people that when i finally do something turns out wrong. i'm not saying my best friends are the "bad people" right now. but it made me feel like i was the bad person.
yeah yeah i know they read my blog and i know what they are probably saying "we didn't mean to attack you..." blah blah blah. okay fine. i believe you. but who knows. that is how i feel right now. i mean, i'm sorry if i was hiding behind facebook. but for me to write out what i am feeling is better then saying it in person. because i am still letting people know who i truly am. and sometimes it is hard to show who i am completely. i have never doubted that they dont love me for who i am. because i love them for loving me no matter what flaws that i have. a.k.a drinking when i am not of age yet. well to my best friends, i am sorry that i never said anything in person. because i have tired and tried and it is just hard for me to find the correct words!
so i went to dinner with my TWIN and i must say it was a much needed visit from her! to bad some of the other team members couldn't join us but that is okay. we understood them not being able to join us. seeing how most of them were at school and one of them worked all day blah blah. haha. it was fun, we walked around MOA for a bit, looked at hot topic and then talked bout boys, and school stuff. then went onto talking about vfair and the season that is coming up! the sad thing is, i'm not working at pow tow. which i already assumed i wasn't because my twin is team leading there. but ya! i am pumped and i hope i work in area 2 again. i think it would be funny if i worked at cork again because i already know everything and the TL might not enjoy that to much. since i know all the spiels and everything. that only thing i haven't done is the lift walk. which need to do in order to be fully awesome at running cork!
yeah, so i am going to go. time for bed maybe read a little then to bed. family is coming over to my grandparents tomorrow..so hopefully it is fun.
later blog!
p.s. it must be a record for me posting another blog so soon!
jaycee thought about it and he was slightly annoyed that is why she didn't answer her phone. or if that was the reason she didnt answer her phone. "well..what was it about jay? it must be bad if you dont answer your damn phone when i call you of the fact that you have been crying it seems." jaycee asked looking at her. normally she would look at him in the eyes and just tell him off but today was different. the girl couldnt even stand to look at him. even if it was a dream it still scared the living shit out of her. jayden looked up at him and shrugged again. she wasnt sure if she wanted to tell him. in the end however, she ended up telling jaycee all about her dream, to the last detail of him kissing her and calling her a whore and saying she would never be loved. she told him everything and everything meant telling him she was falling for vince and everything. jaycee wasnt sure what to think about that right now. he understood why she was scared of him right now. jaycee knew he could be the worlds biggest asshole and yet he still was a sweetheart in the end. jaycee was about to say something but his phone went off and he went to check it. he sighed and looked at jayden with the eyes that he needed to ask her a question about doing a job....
---------------------------------------
sorry its short today guys. its early in the morning and i took a super long nap after reading my book. its one of those cheesy romance books. but this one is fun to read. why? because it doesn't hide anything. it is fun to read but i am sure if some other people read them it would bug them a little. i dont know. it is fun to read for me because i am not afraid about reading sex. it is fun. yes i know, "how weird can you be? seriously!" but hey, everyone has their little kinky things i suppose and reading is mine. at least it isn't porn or anything. haha. plus i have never read romance books before and this one is fun to read and i do enjoy it. maybe a little to much. it sometimes gives me fun dreams to. yeah yeah, sex dreams. that is what i am talking about. there is nothing wrong with having one. almost everyone has one, it just depends on if you remember or not. seeing how you dont normally remember your dreams. i am not going to be afraid to say that i do enjoy them once in a while. sometimes they make me confused as to who was in them. but anywho that is something different and i am tired so i basically dont care what i say right now. haha!
something that has been bugging me. and no it isn't really ranting about stuff it is more of me being me. i might have said something in my last blog about this. i dont know. it is hard for me to open up to people. even my best friends. hell it takes two of my best friends forever to get me to tell them what is wrong. there is one that i can tell everything to but that is because i have known her for nineteen years and we are basically sisters. but no, i just feel like when i told two of my best friends, finally, what was on my mind i got attacked. sure they probably didn't think they were attacking me. but that is how i felt. yeah yeah i know. stop feeling sorry for yourself. well i'm not. i am just stating what i am feeling. i dont know i think it is funny that even though it takes me a while to open up to people that when i finally do something turns out wrong. i'm not saying my best friends are the "bad people" right now. but it made me feel like i was the bad person.
yeah yeah i know they read my blog and i know what they are probably saying "we didn't mean to attack you..." blah blah blah. okay fine. i believe you. but who knows. that is how i feel right now. i mean, i'm sorry if i was hiding behind facebook. but for me to write out what i am feeling is better then saying it in person. because i am still letting people know who i truly am. and sometimes it is hard to show who i am completely. i have never doubted that they dont love me for who i am. because i love them for loving me no matter what flaws that i have. a.k.a drinking when i am not of age yet. well to my best friends, i am sorry that i never said anything in person. because i have tired and tried and it is just hard for me to find the correct words!
so i went to dinner with my TWIN and i must say it was a much needed visit from her! to bad some of the other team members couldn't join us but that is okay. we understood them not being able to join us. seeing how most of them were at school and one of them worked all day blah blah. haha. it was fun, we walked around MOA for a bit, looked at hot topic and then talked bout boys, and school stuff. then went onto talking about vfair and the season that is coming up! the sad thing is, i'm not working at pow tow. which i already assumed i wasn't because my twin is team leading there. but ya! i am pumped and i hope i work in area 2 again. i think it would be funny if i worked at cork again because i already know everything and the TL might not enjoy that to much. since i know all the spiels and everything. that only thing i haven't done is the lift walk. which need to do in order to be fully awesome at running cork!
yeah, so i am going to go. time for bed maybe read a little then to bed. family is coming over to my grandparents tomorrow..so hopefully it is fun.
later blog!
p.s. it must be a record for me posting another blog so soon!
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