so its been about a month since i last wrote anything. my bad. i have been meaning to start writing again its just been super hard to find the time, and/or the energy to really sit down and write. a lot had been going on this semester and i dont haven't a clue how to keep my mind straight. its weird, cause this semester i feel like i can't be around anyone without being annoyed with people. might be a problem. who knows. i thought living in the on campus apartments would be awesome, i could cook whatever i wanted and when i wanted. however, the what i wanted isn't working out so well anymore. i thought i was a picky eater and well, that is just insane. i live with the worlds pickiest eater which sucks. cause i am so good at making food but a lot of it has to do with pasta and it just sucks. oh well i am trying to deal with it.
well i am dropping my business minor. i decided last night that i would drop it. it isn't for me, and lately i think that is affecting my mood and who i am. i mean, i dont really hang out with anyone anymore. and that is another story but oh well. i am dropping business because i feel like i am forcing myself to like something i do not. i feel like if i keep forcing myself i wont be able to perform as well as i want to in school and that is whats bugging me too. i mean, i have an accounting class and i haven't been able to pass any of the tests. i am failing a class and i dont know how to feel about that one. who knows. i feel like this semester had been a roller-coaster. i feel like i am just riding on Renegade or Wild Thing over and over and over again, not stopping.
since we are with the school montage, photography. yeah i had junior reviews last week. it went well, i just have to find my "voice" in photography. well guess what, it would probably happen if i could find people willing to do photo shoots and not back out last minute. it just sucks. i feel like i need new friends when it comes to photography. not that i dont love my friends i have now, but i want to do photo shoots where i can direct people. i dont think people realize that directing people you know is a lot harder then not knowing them. there is a lot of things i want to do, but i feel like being in moorhead has blocked what i want to do. i mean seriously, i am suppose to be a photographer... and yet i can't do what i want to do because i have friends who are afraid to do a photo shoot where they might have to be showing skin it seems like.
concepts i want/wanted to do:
-fairytale
-murder
-being lost in the woods
and yet, i can't seem to find people who are willing to help me. i have a friend who would be more then willing to help me out, problem is, she is all the way across the state in Superior..grr. who knows. maybe i will be able to figure it out next semester. who knows. i mean, mer. haha. that and i havent found the right picture i want to use for a shadow portrait. so i am having a friend help me out. and just having ner name off stuff she likes has given me ideas of what to do. hopefully it goes well.
so halloween weekend was fun, (yes i know its been a while since then but shhhhh) anywho, a friend came up that weekend, which was good. we haven't seen or talked to each other for six months and we are still talking to each other still. anywho, i sort of promised said child i wouldn't give up on photography. why? because said child believes in me. yeah i know it sounds stupid but guess what, it works for me. if someone says they believe in me then yeah, i am going to stick with it. i mean, really, if i were to quit now, i'd be wasting three years of college on nothing then. i just haven't found my style i suppose. it was just nice to see said child again, seeing how i missed seeing, and talking to them. oh well, maybe a bad idea seeing how said child means a lot to me and i dont know.
anywho, i should probably get working on photography and start setting up my stuff for a photo shoot for today.
see ya hopefully it wont take a month to write something.
