another night of plays
I'm on my phone for once! but like the title says I saw the play again. :) I'm at dinner with my mom so this will be short. haha. sorry

blood + sweat + tears + no sleep + long hours = theatre!

i remember being in high school, freshmen year, i tried out for the play The Crucible and i didn't get in. i was horrible at acting and i knew it. so i wasn't shocked when i didnt get a part in the play. so i decided to try and become the new light board operator! and guess what! i became the light board operator. haha. i was really happy, but sort of scared at the same time. of course i messed up BIG time my first year. you see, we have posters, and the techies were signing them and well, the grand master sub slowly got turned down. haha. yea i failed and have posters on my board. oh well. the only time i REALLY messed up big time. dont worry, my tech director and theatre director have never let me forget it. oh well. i became really close friends with the stage manager who finally was the one that stayed longer then a show. we always chat about the good times, and the bad times and still to this day, there hasn't been an amazing stage manager since him.

oh well, my senior year i became chief electrician! it was awesome, i had my own crew and everything and then i graduated and left my little brother to take my place. if you have never been in theatre you dont understand how much time and work it takes to get a show going. being a true theatre freak you are there from start to finish. i have no idea how many hours i have spent in the theatre. i mean, i would get to school at 7AM and not leave until 11PM sometime. that even counts for tech week. a.k.a hell week. there were times when i would have to ask my teachers if i could leave early just to help finish a set because it wasn't finished yet. our tech director, stage manager and i ended up doing that once in awhile.

anywho, this all has come up because i just watched my brothers theatre [my high school] put on the play Into The Woods. i have never seen it before but let me tell you! that cast was amazing! the crew was amazing and everything! i can't explain how much i miss theatre every time i hear someone say they are going to see a show at the theatre. i really do miss it. and it was a shocker to those who know me very well. those who knew how much i loved being in the cats and how much i loved just being in the booth and theatre. they were shocked knowing i wasn't going to be in theatre the rest of my life. that is my brothers soon to be career.

words can not express how proud i am of him filling in my shoes and taking control of the lights in the theatre department. i know i left the lights in good hands with him, even though there are times i know he gets annoyed with people and wants to quit but he is just like me and understands how much blood, sweat and tears it takes to get something going.

all in all, i miss theatre and i am proud of my brother.

you are beautiful in your own way

so jana did this survey thinger that chelsea was talking about. so i guess i will do the same thing. why? because i like to copy my friends blog. haha no. because i have nothing to write about today. my mood is a meh mood so maybe this will help me? who knows. well here it goes.

1. Name a book you would take on a long flight?
                      i suppose i would have to say any of the harry potter books. it would give me enough time to read them and i wouldn't be bored. i mean, there are some books that i get bored with and harry potter isn't one of them.

2. What is your guilty pleasure?
                     um...Glee or cheesy romance books. i dont know why but they are. glee isn't anything important i suppose. i have to thank my best friend and her roommate for getting me addicted to that show. and the romance novels, they are just fun to read.

3. Name three characters from any book, you wish you could be friends with?
                      Damon, Stefan Salvatore (Vampire Diaries, yes it is a book) and any of the Weasley's (Harry Potter).

4. What your shoe size?
                       mer...big! hah. 11.....mer.

5. If you could write your own book, name the title and  a brief synopsis.
                        Photographer yet nothing like an artist. "this is a story of a girl who use to be in love with music and theatre until she finally came to college and decided to be a photographer. however, the girl soon realized she is nothing like any of the artist that she is around. going through the ups and downs of becoming a photographer and hoping to make it big in the world." [haha sucks i know]


6. Whats your favorites flavor of ice cream? 
                        maple nut


7. What book are you currently reading?
                        Nauti Boy


8. What room do you write your blogs in?
                       my bedroom as of right now. i still haven't tried the blogger mobile yet.

9.Best YA series you've ever read?
                       Harry Potter most likely.

10. What is your best physical attribute?
                       erm.......

11. Do you like manga or comics, if so name your favorite series?
                        haha....i read the sunday comics and i like batman... does that count?

12. Do you sleep on your side or your stomach?
                       it depends. mostly on my side.

13. Favorite book mark?
                       haha random much? i have this celtic knot bookmark that i like to use.

14. What song are you currently listening in your ipod?
                      get it right - glee cast

15. Worst summer job you've ever had?
                       i never worked there over the summer, but when i worked at a tae kwon do studio.

16. Whats your favorite band, or type of music?
                         dont really have a favorite band, and i listen to just about anything.

hm...haha. well there you have it folks!

seasons come and go and seasons stay for a while.

Title: Looking Past It All

Title: Play Time....?

howdy, so i figured i would finally put something that is somewhat related to photography in a blog. i know i did yesterday but meh. so the top one is from the art gallery on campus first semester and the bottom one is my "emotional disturbed" project. eh. who knows.

so in art history today we were talking about impressionism paintings. and moulin rouge painting came up. and i was just chilling there thinking of the movie moulin rouge and how i really want to watch it now then we went onto another piece and the artist name was toulouse lautrec. and then it finally clicked. toulouse is also a character in moulin rouge. and the artist was REALLY short to due to a birth defect and in the movie toulouse is also small, and what not. it made me laugh because it finally clicked and i learned something new in school today!! haha.

mer..i suppose. im in a blah mood. probably because i started to think again about sunday which is a bitch. ugh.

night.

life is like a box of chocolate...

did you know there is something called national pinhole camera day! its pretty sweet seeing how that was our final project in photography. we got to upload them online to this website and everything. it is pretty sweet. i thought so. i made a pinhole camera out of a match box. sounds weird right? ha. well, it is harder then it seems because you have to be exact and cant make the hole to large or you expose the film/paper to much. woo photography. anywho, i suppose i could show you which image i uploaded to the site.

anywho so i'm watching whos line on abc  family. its a fun show to watch. it normally makes me laugh. however, i think i laugh more when i am with my friends though. because i dont know. have you ever noticed that you laugh more when around your friends? maybe because their energy rubs off on you and what not. who knows. i guess its just like my brothers. i think i have a different relationship with my siblings then a lot of siblings do? i dont know, i am the only girl so i grew up with boys and i can talk to them better then girls. other then my best friend of 19 years but still. who knows. all i know is my brothers and i together, with out girlfriends and all that jazz get along better then some siblings that i know. haha. oh well. i think it is fun to laugh with people. i think people tend to laugh more when people are around.

i also think it is funny when people laugh to themselves. i find myself doing that a lot sometimes. just remembering funny things that have happened or if something might happen and you think about it. who knows, i think it is funny to watch people just start laughing and then people ask them what they are laughing at and they just say nothing, or you wouldn't understand/get it.

i suppose, i'm tired and sort of in one of those bitchy/crabby moods today. hopefully if i go to bed now i will be fine in the morning.

night blog!

monkey see monkey do..

yeah my title has nothing to do with my blog today. idk i cant think of anything to put as titles anymore. funny how the blogging everyday is coming to an end. i find it hard to thing of stuff to write about lately that is why my blogs have been short.

anywho, so easter was yesterday. i was on campus. once again a holiday i am not at home for. however, my family did not celebrate easter together for the first time in i dont know how many years they didn't get together. well i dont think that has ever happened before. no it wasn't my fault that they didn't have easter together. it was going to be postponed until this coming weekend because that is why i would be home, but then i realized my grandma wasn't having easter so i guess they just cancelled it all together? i mean, my aunt did something with her family and my mom and brother did something. i dont know. i just dont feel like i give a crap about easter, or christmas right now. i know, what the heck. what is wrong with her. is she losing her religion?! no. i am not. its just i dont like being around my family right now and it seems to be something no one gets. sorry but i'm not going into detail of why i dont want to be around them. something i dont feel like sharing online as of right now. but still. i can say i haven't wanted to be around them since the funeral. 

on May 1st it will be six months since my aunt has passed away. woo...weird how time flies when you are busy but then that one day makes you remember something not so great. finals are coming up, and i have been so busy trying to get my final portfolio finished that i guess i haven't realized that it has been half a year already. wow. hm.. guess i just haven't wanted to see it? its something that i haven't wanted to see, or believe i suppose. i miss my aunt more then people probably realize because i dont share my feelings on it. and i really haven't cried over it because that is who i am. i have held in the tears that were needed at the funeral. i think my dad was the only one who saw tears form when we were walking the casket to be carried to the cemetery. who knows. i'm not a heartless bitch, i just have been the one my grandparents lean on. i mean, i sat next to my grandma during the service and i was the one holding her hand. it isn't something i enjoy talking about. which is probably why i dont care about easter or christmas that much right now. and i really dont know what i feel when it comes to religion as of right now either. i mean my parents have always said it is up to me what religion i want to be when i am finally old enough to make my own choices. 

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so today everyone came back to campus. i dont think i have been more happy to see some of my friends since the beginning of the semester. i guess the only reason i was really happy three of my guy friends came back is so i can just walk into their room and just be me and hang out with them. who knows. 

i started packing up my room today. most of my stuff is off my shelves and out of my closet. i hate packing it sucks. because that means i have to be inside and not outside where it is beautiful. hopefully the weather stays nice this week. however i have looked ahead and rain is in the forecast most of the week. and then i am going home to work blah blah. man i live a boring life. going home the opposite weekends my friends are. oh well. 

i will write more tomorrow. later blog!

stumble upon is a major distraction.

you know what sucks. online exams. well no not really but they do suck when there are 17 essays to write on it. yes i had 17 essays to write for my final exam and what not. i got them done with in 3 hours. ugh i swear my answers to my essays get shittier and shittier as i was going on and it was getting later. oh well, i dont care, i got it done so that is all that matters.

so today was easter as well. i didn't do anything. i worked on homework all day and slept. i hate when T.O.M comes because i get super tired and i dont want to do anything, even though it is a beautiful day out. hm.. who knows really. i suppose it is a little different forever one else.

yeah. well i will post more tomorrow. sort of out of it right now.

later.

party like a rockstar

have any of you been on stumbleupon.com? haha i dont know why but it is the most addicting thing ever. i think this weekend i have wasted about three hours of my life on that site. oh well it is super fun! who knows. i have found some pretty interesting things on stumble. i think i got my cousin addicted to the site as well.

so like i said i was going to tell you about the movie i watched last night. requiem for a dream. yeah lets just say if you want to watch the most depressing movie in your entire life then watch that movie. i'm not kidding either. it is basically about drugs the whole time. at first these four lives are going well for everyone and throughout the movie things turn bad blah blah. anywho yeah, the mother in the movie goes insane. i mean REALLY insane. to the point where she is in the hospital. i dont want to give the movie away or anything because that would be pointless. i do say, it is a movie everyone should watch once in their lives even if it is depressing. and even if that means watching it alone. because i did. and it was weird.

ever find yourself liking something you probably never thought you would? for example i like glee. at first i thought it was stupid and i never wanted to watch it. however i can thank my best friend and her roommate for getting me addicted to the show. plus there are other tv shows that i love to watch. i dont know, i think it is funny how people get addicted to things. not drunks or anything well i guess that would count as well seeing how it is easy to get addicted to drugs. still do people really go that insane that they live and breath that stuff? like pokemon. seriously i do not remember the last time i sat down and played my gameboy and played pokemon. i dont have the cards either. however i had almost all of them but still. i can understand liking pokemon in elementary and maybe middle school. but when you hit high school and college dont you think it is a little .... weird?

i'm not hating on pokemon so dont kill me. i am just saying i find it a little weird to be obsessed with the game. seriously if you have your DS all the time on you playing it no matter where you are, other then class, you might have a problem. who knows maybe i dont see what the point in it is.

so on another note. i'm hungry. haha. i had two apples and some cheetos and some chips for dinner. well dinnerish. hopefully my friends want to go to perkins like ke$ha! haha. but no today was a productive day. i got most of my final portfolio done. i just have to cut the windows out on the mat board and then i will be set. tomorrow my goal is to get my online exam done. woot! i miss my friends seeing how it is a long weekend. but i feel like i am getting more work done now that they aren't here. which sounds mean but i have been mroe productive then i have been in a week or so. so who knows!

i must be off i am getting hungry and it is almost time to pick my friend up from work.

later blog!

what is love and when does it happen?

so i found out that i am just as bad as a friend of mine when being overly tired and wanting to kiss someone or just dont care what happens when grabbing their face and kissing them. however, before anything could happen i just walked away and went to bed and when i woke up i didn't want to do it anymore? is being overly tired causing me to be like that? hell if i would have kissed him would it have mattered anyway? who the heck knows really. all i know is right now, i dont know what i should be doing when it comes to relationships. well. i know it would be fun to have one, but at the same time i probably wouldn't have time for a boyfriend. i always say that but then again, who knows if someone has time for a relationship. haha oh well.

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yeah so my story. i think i lost my muse for it. heh. maybe i will start it back up later but my muse has been dead for a while. well its the weekend and i feel like i dont know what to say in my blog today. it is crappy outside. raining. so basically i just want to lay in my bed and read my book all day. i mean, i did some work. i edited some photos today but my flash drive is sort of full so i can't really save anything on it right now oh well. man something fun needs to happen because it is a little boring here. meh. i am sure i will have more to talk about next week or something. haha i have training weekend for valleyfair and i am sort of dreading it right now. it is going to be boring. day number one is sitting in the galaxy theatre and listening to the managers talk ALL DAY. the second day is meh. okay. we learn how to operate the rides. so who knows where i am going to be. all i know is pow tow is out because i would be working with monica and that isn't okay. we arent allowed to work with our friends apparently. which is dumb.

well i think i am going to go watch black swan and requiem for a dream. i'll let you know how messed of requiem is. haha

nanananananananananana BATMAN!!!!

howdy. so today started easter break. i'm sitting here on campus because there is no point in my driving home three weekends in a row. oh well. i have stuff to do. tomorrow i am sleeping in no matter what! i need to sleep this weekend. however, i am hopefully going to party with a friend this weekend. if not i am sure he will text me all weekend. which is always fun. then i am working on my final portfolio and i am going to try to get my econ papers done so i dont have to worry about them. also i have an exam to do. so yes for the next four days i will have stuff to do. haha.

so i want these batman shoes. they are at journey and i dont know. i just want them. i like batman a lot. i mean, hot topic has this batman hoodie that i want too which i am hopefully going to get sometime soon. speaking of spending money. i have to buy a new laptop for photography. so i am taking a big loan out from the school, since it is required for us to have a laptop for photography the school is somewhat required to give us money for it. however, we are also suppose to buy a monitor but i am just going to use my tv as a monitor if i use one during the school year. it is mostly to work at home. who knows.

mer. who knows. this is going to be a short one tonight. not sure what to talk about right now. my mind is sort of ..... blah.

later

sometimes life can bring you many things

morning again blog. haha. well i am suppose to be in class right now. however, being me i got a phone call from a friend to go pick her up from her boyfriend's house. cause he took off with her keys on accident. so i tried to get a hold of a friend so i wouldn't have to skip class and well i ended up skipping class. however when i was on my way to my car she called and told me her boyfriend came back and gave her her keys. wanna know how stupid i would have looked if i walked back into class?! ya. so now i am regretting leaving class but i wasn't just going to leave her there stranded or anything. i dont know. now i feel like i am fucked when it comes to that class. so now i am sitting in the library wondering why the hell i even left class. i should be in class learning this stupid math because hell if i understand it. ugh. i swear if i fail this class i might end up hiding in a cave for a while. its going to mess up my gpa and i am not going to be able to go to italy when i want to. ugh. that is my goal right now. keeping my gpa where it is so i can go to italy for a year my fourth year of college. i think that is a good goal to have dont you think?

i dont know. so lately i haven't been posting long blogs. haha. well monday i was to tired to think of something to talk about and yesterday, i was busy with homework for art history that i sort of forgot to post one. yeah. oh well i still have the correct number of blogs up for april. funny how after writing these blogs i have found it more relaxing just to type whatever i have on my mind out in here. why? who knows. but apparently it is helping me before more open to people just writing. then again, i use to write all the time but i never told anyone about any of the stuff i wrote. who knows all i know is monday was an up and down day.

funny how you can have a roller coaster day right? i mean sunday/monday night i got an hour of sleep. then drive back to campus at 3AM went to math. found out art history was cancelled which made my day better. went and developed my film which turned out. and then my backpack broke. yeah...i had to spend more money on stuff i really didn't need. oh well i suppose. my build-a-bear backpack wasn't going to last forever. so i bought a nicer one that can protect my cellphone and ipod during the day. mostly the pocket is soft enough it wont scratch the screen of them. which is good because i am working all summer and i always have those with me when i go on break or when i am driving home so it will be nice not to have someone brake my stuff while it is in the storage bin.

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anywho, so its night [yes i start my blogs during the day and keep working on them through out the day] and i am playing kingdom hearts 2. the only one that i have finished playing and beaten it by myself. i haven't beaten the first one, which is fine. i've watched my brother beat it a bunch of times. dunno. so i'm bored. and people are leaving tomorrow for the long weekend. i am taking jake to the airport. i'm not mad that i have to get up early tomorrow though. because i want to take him to the airport. even if that means just talking to him for fifteen minutes its still going to be fun. that and after class i can sleep and it doesn't matter because people will be heading home already. still, what is going to be weird is not having jake or nolo around for the weekend. i know i have other friends but i see them everyday, well almost everyday still. it is going to be weird. cause i probably wont see jake until wednesday if that. maybe tuesday depending on his schedule and my schedule.

anywho yeah. i will try and get a part of the story up soon. i know its been forever since i last posted another part of it! sorry. been busy. final portfolio stuff is coming up and i am going to be spending a lot of time in the darkroom trying to finish it up and all.

later blog. off to play kingdom hearts 2.

fail fail fail fail. haha

yes. once again i have failed to post on day number NINETEEN! however. i was working on a paper and then i went to watch a movie. however, i have set up blogging mobile on my phone. so lets see how well that one goes then! YAY! i will most number TWENTY later. sorry guys for being late again. stupid homework.


later!

every tear falls down for a reason

hey all. so. yeah. i have no idea what to talk about today. maybe because i haven't slept much yet today. i spelt for an hour. if that even counts as sleeping.

yea i might edit this later but i am tired. going to bed to finally sleep for the day.

night.

sometimes words are harder to say in person then writing them down.

jayden looked at jaycee and was afraid. she couldn't tell him why but she was scared. she wanted to tell him that she had a dream where he shot vince and was a cold heartless bastard more then he seems to be. she could see that he was worried about her now. she knew how many times her phone went off and yet she didn't answer it at all. jayden just laid in her bed, her eyes were red from crying and her face seemed to be wet still. jaycee knew that wasn't a good thing either. he didn't know about her nightmares, and that she couldn't sleep because she hid it very well. "whats wrong jay?" he asked her as he stared at her worried. the girl shifted her eyes to look away from him. she just started at her bed and shrugged. "i dont know. i had a nightmare..." she said finally, she didn't want to tell him that she has been having nightmares lately about everything because it was something he didn't need to know. plus he probably didn't even care about it. then again why would he be at her house right now if he didnt care? jayden played with the corner of her blanket as she waited for jaycee to bitch her out about it. it was the reason she hasn't moved from her bed all day. hell she didnt even know what time it was.

jaycee thought about it and he was slightly annoyed that is why she didn't answer her phone. or if that was the reason she didnt answer her phone. "well..what was it about jay? it must be bad if you dont answer your damn phone when i call you of the fact that you have been crying it seems." jaycee asked looking at her. normally she would look at him in the eyes and just tell him off but today was different. the girl couldnt even stand to look at him. even if it was a dream it still scared the living shit out of her. jayden looked up at him and shrugged again. she wasnt sure if she wanted to tell him. in the end however, she ended up telling jaycee all about her dream, to the last detail of him kissing her and calling her a whore and saying she would never be loved. she told him everything and everything meant telling him she was falling for vince and everything. jaycee wasnt sure what to think about that right now. he understood why she was scared of him right now. jaycee knew he could be the worlds biggest asshole and yet he still was a sweetheart in the end. jaycee was about to say something but his phone went off and he went to check it. he sighed and looked at jayden with the eyes that he needed to ask her a question about doing a job....

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sorry its short today guys. its early in the morning and i took a super long nap after reading my book. its one of those cheesy romance books. but this one is fun to read. why? because it doesn't hide anything. it is fun to read but i am sure if some other people read them it would bug them a little. i dont know. it is fun to read for me because i am not afraid about reading sex. it is fun. yes i know, "how weird can you be? seriously!" but hey, everyone has their little kinky things i suppose and reading is mine. at least it isn't porn or anything. haha. plus i have never read romance books before and this one is fun to read and i do enjoy it. maybe a little to much. it sometimes gives me fun dreams to. yeah yeah, sex dreams. that is what i am talking about. there is nothing wrong with having one. almost everyone has one, it just depends on if you remember or not. seeing how you dont normally remember your dreams. i am not going to be afraid to say that i do enjoy them once in a while. sometimes they make me confused as to who was in them. but anywho that is something different and i am tired so i basically dont care what i say right now. haha!

something that has been bugging me. and no it isn't really ranting about stuff it is more of me being me. i might have said something in my last blog about this. i dont know. it is hard for me to open up to people. even my best friends. hell it takes two of my best friends forever to get me to tell them what is wrong. there is one that i can tell everything to but that is because i have known her for nineteen years and we are basically sisters. but no, i just feel like when i told two of my best friends, finally, what was on my mind i got attacked. sure they probably didn't think they were attacking me. but that is how i felt. yeah yeah i know. stop feeling sorry for yourself. well i'm not. i am just stating what i am feeling. i dont know i think it is funny that even though it takes me a while to open up to people that when i finally do something turns out wrong. i'm not saying my best friends are the "bad people" right now. but it made me feel like i was the bad person.

yeah yeah i know they read my blog and i know what they are probably saying "we didn't mean to attack you..." blah blah blah. okay fine. i believe you. but who knows. that is how i feel right now. i mean, i'm sorry if i was hiding behind facebook. but for me to write out what i am feeling is better then saying it in person. because i am still letting people know who i truly am. and sometimes it is hard to show who i am completely. i have never doubted that they dont love me for who i am. because i love them for loving me no matter what flaws that i have. a.k.a drinking when i am not of age yet. well to my best friends, i am sorry that i never said anything in person. because i have tired and tried and it is just hard for me to find the correct words! 


so i went to dinner with my TWIN and i must say it was a much needed visit from her! to bad some of the other team members couldn't join us but that is okay. we understood them not being able to join us. seeing how most of them were at school and one of them worked all day blah blah. haha. it was fun, we walked around MOA for a bit, looked at hot topic and then talked bout boys, and school stuff. then went onto talking about vfair and the season that is coming up! the sad thing is, i'm not working at pow tow. which i already assumed i wasn't because my twin is team leading there. but ya! i am pumped and i hope i work in area 2 again. i think it would be funny if i worked at cork again because i already know everything and the TL might not enjoy that to much. since i know all the spiels and everything. that only thing i haven't done is the lift walk. which need to do in order to be fully awesome at running cork!

yeah, so i am going to go. time for bed maybe read a little then to bed. family is coming over to my grandparents tomorrow..so hopefully it is fun.

later blog!

p.s. it must be a record for me posting another blog so soon!

open yours eyes and see what is around you!

it seems that when i try to be open with people it gets turned around and i become the bad person. i never said someone was the bad person. i was just trying to get out what i normally can not say to people because it takes me a while to open up to people. i dont know. i tried doing something different and then it gets turned around that i am hiding behind something. i'm sorry if that is what it seems like but at the same time, sometimes it is easier  for someone to write it down then for someone to say it out loud in person with someone. whatever. i guess that is what happens.

have you ever felt like you need something to write about but you never know what to write about? yes, i am suppose to post part of my story today but since i am going out with my twin tonight i dont have time to write and think of a story to write about. sorry about that. but i dont know. sometimes i feel like venting to my blog isn't a good idea because of what people will think. i mean, what is the point of an online blog right? just to write everything down. yes i tend to complain about stuff and i realize that. but sometimes i just need to write things down and then come back to them later. it doesn't seem like i am a bothersome and yet i feel like this is the only way i can open up to people. is writing it all down. i was always the girl who bottled things up until the bottle decided it wanted to finally break open and then i would just break down. that is how i deal with things.

so i went down to work today. and a lot has changed just over the nine months of not being there. haha. i had to take a drug test. i hate those. it is so much easier for a guy to pee in a cup then a girl. all they have to do is point and shoot. i mean ugh. peeing in a cup is hard when you are a girl! HAHA! oh well. it was awkward because we have to empty out our pockets when we do it. so i am wearing my hoodie and i had to walk around work with my tank tops. yeah that isn't awkward at all. and then trying on my uniform. YES! i get to wear some HAWT AND SMEXY SHORTS! i dont mind the shirts though. this year i get dark blue shirts and then i get awesome ugly pants. man i am excited to work again. the only problem is paying for gas. haha.

anywho! i might post another blog today later. depending on when i get home from MOA with my TWIN! :D

later blog!!

Will you be there when I need you?

herroo there. so today was sort of weird. i matched completely. my hoodie is blue/white. i wore blue and white tank tops and my key chain is blue and white. hm..odd? i have never done that before. oh well. also i didn't really sleep in today. due to going to MIA [Minneapolis Institute of Arts] and it was well...boring. we didn't really do anything, didn't get a chance to walk around and look at anything. basically we went and did a tour of japan/china and then went to a house for a tour. hm.. odd my U button doesn't want to work much right now. i probably have something in my key board that i need to clean out. dunno.

so today it rained,  rained, rained and i think it is snowing now. oh well. truth? i could really care less because its minnesota and what do you expect? sunny and 80 all of a sudden? yeah right. speaking of 80s i am working at vfair again. i am pumped cause i get to see monica all the time but at the same time i have to figure out why i am doing this. the gas is going to kill me this summer. and i dont think anyone else know how that feels because they are all mostly working at bible camps and are doing summer projects and what not. ha must be fun to live at your job.

so i am watching jay leno and there is a guy from american idol who just ruined a johnny cash song. THANK YOU STUPID AMERICAN IDOL FOR FAILING AT LIFE EVEN MORE! stupid. it pisses me off when people ruin good songs. because they its like...wow look at what our generation is coming to. shitty music and nothing that is their own. i dunno. who knows.

so my best friend is talking to me again. tfg! its been a week and that week SUCKED you have NO IDEA how bad it sucked. i always vent/talk to him about everything and without him around i didn't have anyone to really talk to. i mean i have my one friend who lives on my floor but sometimes i feel bad venting to him about stuff. and i dont know. with out zach i dont really have anyone to vent to. which sucks because it trust him with everything i tell him.

i am tired. going to go watch vampire diaries and read my hawt romance book.

later blog!

Can't be your saviour, I don't have the power

jayden's phone went off more times then it has in a month it seemed. she knew who the calls and texts were from but she couldn't find herself answering them phone for any of them. jayden has never been afraid of jaycee but for some reason this dream just made her not want to answer her phone and just lay in bed. she has been crying most of the day that she started to cry herself to sleep, but she was trying so hard not to fall asleep again. seeing how there was no point in her sleeping because she didn't want to see that dream, or well, nightmare again. the girl tired to keep her eyes open, however that wasn't going to happen. she had been crying for the longest time and finally her body just gave up and her mind let her finally fall back asleep.

on the irish mafia side of the state, jaycee had just returned from the hospital and was going to tell jayden how vince was doing. he was fine, but the doctors wanted to keep him for a while just to make sure nothing else happens to him. he figured she was sleeping the first time he called her so he just text her to tell her. he went on with his day trying to figure out jobs and all the wonderful underboss business that goes with his title. he needed jayden to come get her gift and he had told her to come get it after she slept a little bit. however he hasn't heard from her all day and he knew she didn't sleep all day long either. the boy called her again around one and then again a few minutes after she didn't pick up the phone. he was getting worried about her and yet he just shrugged it off and went on with his business. he knew her and knew she was probably out and about doing something girly like she does.

jaycee went on with his day trying to call jayden to see where the hell she was. he hated when she didn't come into his office or show up at the family house for a bit, just to check in. he started to call her every five minute but she still wasn't picking up. "jackson! get in here now!" he called out to one of his men who normally worked with jayden. jackson came walking in with his hands pocketed and with a confused look on his face. "you called sir?" he asked and stood in front of jaycee's desk. "have you heard or seen jayden yet today? she isn't answering her phone and she hasn't been in from what i can tell." jackson shook his head no and turned to leave. jaycee was worried now, something was wrong. jayden always was around when she didn't have a job unless jaycee told her to get the hell out of the house. jaycee called one more time and then just got fed up. grabbing his keys he stormed out of the house and jumped into his car.

speeding to jayden's house he didn't even knock on the door he just went in. he didn't care, he knew she was home due to her car sitting in the driveway and not in the garage. "jayden.." he said as he checked the living room, kitchen, study and then finally headed up the stairs. he knew she wasn't in the shower since she had already taken one when he first called her today. checking the spare bedroom and then finally he came to her room. the boy knocked and turned the handle and popped his head in. seeing the girl there hugging her pillow, and sleeping he seemed concerned. jaycee has been in her bed before, not because he has slept with her, but because he has been there when she needed him. yes he doesn't say i love you to her but that is because he doesn't say it to anyone. crawling into her bed he tucked her hair behind her ear. "hey you. answer your phone."  jaycee wasn't all bad, he had a soft side to him even though he never really showed it while at work or around those who worked for him. right away he saw her eyes open slightly and then he noticed fear in her eyes.

----------------------------------------------------

so today started my weekend. in a way. since i have a field trip in the morning. ugh. but ya. i hate the drive home because it is fourish hours of nothing but farm land that is flooding. yay for the flood. ugh. no i dont care that i am home. i think it will do me some good being off campus because i normally dont talk to friends from school when i am home. which is good because lately they have been driving me nuts. why? because i hate getting the question of. "why are you friends with...." it is driving me fucking nuts! i am sorry if you dont like my friends or something but guess what. sometimes your friends drive me nuts to. yes someone might be a dick to me in person but that doesn't always mean they are an asshole when its just the two of us hanging out. and yes i understand i can do better but guess what. i am just tired of being asked the question that i am starting to let it bug me more then it probably should.

ha funny thing about college. you figure out who you are when get you there. in high school you dont realize who you are completely. well yeah, so i have changed since high school and from last year. basically i have an opinion and normally i dont speak my mind but i have been a lot lately. sure i dont tell people what i really want them to hear. but meh. i dont care. if you piss me off enough i might finally tell you how i feel. its just like people wanting me to help them. i can only help them so much before i start hating people for it. who knows maybe i just need to turn my phone off all weekend. or just ignore those i dont want to talk to. since i am suppose to meet up with my twin for dinner saturday. which i am looking forward to.

anywho blog. i am tired and i feel like sleeping is the next best thing!

its not like the movies.

howdy today is day number THIRTEEN of this wonderful blog every day in april. i dont know. sometimes i wonder why i do weird things. cause two friends and i did the 30 day picture challenge. yeah...well that was weird cause we did it during spring break. which makes it hard because we were doing it together and all. but who knows.

you know what i miss. i miss theatre. i miss playing around with the lights and having fun with the light board. i went and saw the play tonight with my best friend and his girlfriend [who is pretty awesome!] and it made me realize that i do miss theatre. haha. who knows, maybe i should go help my high school with their play. then again, my little brother has taken over my job there, and is doing an amazing job and wants to go into light design. i am proud of him and yes, i do tell him that.. sometimes. haha. not all the time.

i have nothing much to say tonight. i am working on a paper and realized that i needed to post a blog tonight because i have been late before. which sucks. well i am trying to figure out another part of the story. however, it takes me awhile to type everything out and i have been told that i post really long blogs. which takes people a long time to read them. so i guess... i will try to post shorter ones. then again. no. i like posting long times.

well my paper is calling! i shall talk to you [who ever you are!] later!!

OH YEAH! my weekend start...in a way TOMORROW! :D

water wings and bubble gum

have you ever had a really bad day and then BAM something just makes your whole day perfect?! well that was yesterday for me! OH YA! THIS IS DAY TWELVE!! but ya! so i was having a really shitty day, i dont know why but i was. and then i went to go for a walk with my friend and i checked my mail box to see i had a package waiting for me. so i was like ...what the junk. who sent me a box?! so i figured i would just grab it when i got back and then well...as soon as i walked out of the building i REALIZED WHAT IT WAS!!!! it was from my TWIN MONICA!!!! YA YES!! she sent me a present and i was having fun and i was super excited when i opened it! 

anywho yes, so that made me whole entire day! so..what i dont get is how people can stay up for hours on end. i have tired to stay up for hours on end but i cant. i think the longest i have stayed up is 23 hours. who the heck knows. hm.. so i was going to talk about something but then i didn't know what to talk about. i am tired i know that. oh ya...haha. so since i am a photographer i want to try and do stuff that i am not comfortable doing. the problem is, finding people to do photoshoots for me in order to do that. so far i haven't found anyone to help me with something. i guess i wanted to do something exotic or something but finding people who are okay with doing it would be good but who knows. ugh. 

well i am tired. i shall talk to yall later!!

she use to be a pearl

everyone has dreams that make them happy and some have dreams that make them confused, angry or just afraid. many people have dreams that they also do not remember, however, it seems that people remember the dreams that are nightmares. why? well no one might not why, because they end up scared and are not happy with what just happened. jayden was finally asleep after talking to jaycee and getting yelled at by him. the girl normally doesn't sleep because of her dreams she has been having lately. why? because they are about her family, and how they dont even want to talk to her. which is true, and today's dream was about love, happiness and then death. yes jayden was having a dream about vincent and how she was happy when around him. jayden knew she was falling in love with the lawyer but she knew she couldn't be in love with him. why? because she was someone he hated, he hated people who broke the rules and yet he was also falling in love with her.


jayden was having an evening with vincent, just like nothing was wrong. he wasn't in the hospital, and she wasn't a hacker for the mafia. she was just happy and doing what she use to love before she found out she was good at stealing money. jayden was enjoying this dream. she was with the man she was falling in love with and that didn't matter to her anymore. she was having fun, messinga round with vince in a way that she didn't want anyone to know. drinking and kissing. drinking was always fun for jayden because she never cared what people thought about drinking. she did it before she was legal and still does it after she is legal to drink. kissing, jayden has kissed many boys and has had sex with a few of them. however, jayden was smashed and being smashed with vince made her happy. she didn't care how far they went tonight. all she wanted was to wake up in his arms.


in her dream she was sitting on his lap kissing his neck. she was having the best time ever, and he didn't seem to mind either. he was enjoying himself just as much as she was. the girl was having fun but then all of a sudden her dream became weird and confusing. they werent in her apartment, but they were in a warehouse. it was a place she knew, because she has gone there with jaycee before and yet they were there. however, in the warehouse jayden wasn't near vince. he was no where to be found. until she heard someone scream. she jumped and looked around. it was dark and then she heard laughing. a laugh that she hasnt heard before. "muhahahaa she has no idea.." but she knew whos voice that was. "jaycee?" she asked as she started to walk towards the voice. soon she heard a shot and a scream. she was getting scared she normally wasn't scared when it came to jaycee but something was going on. she wasn't sure why he was acting this way. jayden walked and found herself in front of a door and she was afraid to touch it. touching it she felt the ice door feeling go through her body and then she turned the door handle and walked into a bright room. where she said vince sitting in a chair. a chair she has seen people be tortured in. 


jaycee was standing near him as he was trying to stay awake. jayden went to run to vince but one of jaycee's men help her back. "jaycee what are you doing!" she screamed at him. slowly he turned around and smirked an evil smirk she has never seen before. "can't have you going around fucking every guy in sight now can we you whore. i mean, look at him. you fucked him up no matter what. he isn't going to love you jayden. you can't be loved." jayden was taken back by that and she started to tear up. why was he saying this to her, seeing how he was suppose to treat her like a sister. he promised he would treat her like a sister and she was going to be his baby sister. "what is wrong with you jaycie! i love him! dont take him away from me." she said but then jaycee just smirked at her. and looked at vincent and pointed a gun at his face. "say it vince. tell her you will never love her. tell her or i will kill you." vince looked at jayden and shook his head. she could tell them he was sad and in pain. vince looked at jaycee and then back to jayden. "i can't say it. you can't make me say it jaycee because you know you are insane." vince said weakly as he just kept looking at jayden.


"she is a fucking whore! if only you knew how many guys she was with. look at her she doesn't want to be with you. she wants to be with someone who will treat her like shit." he said as he walked up to jayden and placed the gun next to her face. he just looked at her and laughed. "say it jayden. say what you are and tell him to fuck off." he said and then laughed again before grabbing her face and kissing her. jayden bit his lip and tried to turn away. jaycee wasn't happy so he back handed her. pointing the gun at vincents face again he just laughed his evil laugh. "goodbye vince" he said as he pulled the trigger. 


jayden jumped up from her bed and she felt like she was going to die herself. she started to cry and just hugged her pillow. it was one in the afternoon and she just laid there. her phone went off and she checked to see jaycee's office calling but she just ignored it and laid there crying. she hated sleeping because of her nightmares.

should've been my teammate

howdy for the lameness of me forgetting to post a blog last night. sorry things got busy and i didn't have time to post a new blog. friday i had my all night photography party. and then saturday i woke up, went shopping, got ready for this dinner i was cooking for and then i went out to eat with my two friends [whom i love! haha] and then i went out again with a few other friends and ya. to much stuff to do in one day. oh and i worked on photography stuff again too. so that is my life story right now. so here is my new blog for day number TEN for this blog everyday in april thing.

so nothing is really new, i haven't slept much these last few days. and i dont have a clue why. i mean, i sort of do, i have a lot of my mind and of course i have homework that i need to work on. like for example, i have this paper that i have been working on and then i ended up staying up late thursday to work on it, not going to bed til 4am and waking up at 7am and then i finished it friday before i took a friend to work so i could go eat dinner and then i found out after eating dinner that we got an extension on it. -_- ugh. this happens all the time! oh well i guess its better i got it done. and then i had my all night party so once again i didnt go to bed til 4am. and last night i didn't get back til after 3am. man i need to sleep more and not stay up so late. who knows. there are other things on my mind. but one of them is having two friends not talking to me right now. it sucks. and i am not talking about my friend nick or anything. cause i could care less right now because i am not making anymore effort to talk to him anymore. but ya. two friends wont talk to me which sucks. because i do miss talking to them. oh well. we will see. they will talk to me sooner or later.

have you ever felt like you were the odd one out of a group of friends? yeah that is how i have been feeling lately. doing anything with some friends sort of sucks for some reason. ha. i have no idea. a bunch of girls made dinner for boys and were suppose to wear dresses and i didnt. so i was the odd one out. and funny thing, it seemed like all the girls were complemented on how they looked. i dont know maybe its me, but i felt like i wasnt because i am very iffy on how i feel and look. so it sucks not being complemented on how i look because i try to look good. but being the bigger one out of the group of friends there was hard and awkward.

lets see. i use my blog to vent about things and i dont think people realize what alot of my blogs are about. one person does, and he seems to understand where i am coming from. with helping people with relationship stuff, and never putting myself before anyone else. i mean, how many times have i told people that i need help with something. never. i am a bottle and then i finally blow up and break. that is how i work. i dont know. i vent about things on here and sometimes i wish people would just realize it is about them with out me saying it. i mean i could just come out and say that i am pissed off at the world because of how i dont agree with something that someone is doing. but why? why should i have to be so blunt about things.

truth is, summer is coming and i couldn't be more then happy to be getting off campus. and my friends leaving for three months. dont get me wrong i will miss them. but i am tired of being around a certain group of friends right now. dont think i am just saying this because i dont like being around them. its just that lately two of my friends have opened my eyes lately to things that i am not agreeing with. i dont agree with some of things that happens or is said on something. leaving campus means i get to see my twin. its fun seeing her. i haven't seen her since valleyscare which is stupid because we are the best together. i seem to be pissing a lot of people off lately. two people that mean the world to me and i care about them. but i seem to be pissing them off and i dont get what i did. i told one of them why i was mad at him and then he is mad at me. okay fine. but i dont want to see him get hurt anymore. and then the other one, i haven't a clue. i just want them to talk to me again because i hate having to see them online and they wont answer me. which is pissing me off even more. maybe i am just being tired. and dont get me wrong i am going to miss my friends hella because i already know how busy i am going to be and i wont be hanging out with them. the only good thing about vfair is all the hours that i get to work and the money i am making.

so my twin and i have been talking. well duh. but last night it was funny because we were both out doing something and she was having a fun time at a party and i was having a fun time with my three guy friends [minus one :( ] and watching a movie or two and we were like "ugh men" for a while which then i realized that is true. someone asked me if i still liked this friend from high school and truth is, every time i am around him i just want to grab his face and kiss him. however i cant because the two of us have talked and we figured that we could only be friends. well thats what we wanted since we have been getting to know each other better. he is my best friend and when i am sad he can make me happy no matter what. but ya, last night was fun. the only bad part is, i am always going to like him and i cant be with him. which sucks. but thats okay. i guess i can just flirt with him and what not.

ow... elbow just cracked. ow. mer. blah. blarg. meh. ugh. aljfgskljfgs.
-----------------------------------------

SORRY about the lack of my story. my muse has flown away. probably due to the lack of sleep. i promise to post part of it soon.

haha lack of sleep what?!

hey so i had a photography all night party and then i slept most of the day and then i had stuff going on for day number NINE so yeah sorry about this one. i know i haven't posted another part of my story yet. the lack of sleep this last week sucks right now so yeah. m'bad on failing at another day i will post day number TEN later today. promise.

i can go the distance!!!

OKAY! this is day number.... EIGHT! and i know i am suppose to post part of my story today but guess what. i can't because i am to hyper to write something sadish. idk and i have no idea what to write about right now.

OH! so i had these smoothies, from island fushion and basically it is the most yummy thing i have ever had. the problem is, i tend to get super super hyper after drinking them! I HAVE NO IDEA WHY! but it is awesome!

ya this is short. sorry i have an all night party starting soon and ya!! WOO!!!

later blog!

if it's not like the movies, thats how it should be, yeah.

howdy there. so its beautiful outside today and i am stuck in my room doing homework. well, i am trying to do homework however, i haven't even started it yet. i went and got a smoothie today. and i am still drinking it, but it is really yummy so ya! one of those smoothie you could drink with in five minutes but you dont want to because it is so yummy. i dont know maybe it is just me. but yeah, my best friend showed me them and i am glad. they are weight loss smoothies or something. so you can drink them for a meal and normally you have to drink two of them to start losing weight. so maybe i will do that next year after vfair. i dunno who knows. i dont know. i really dont know what i know right now. all i know is this paper i have been trying to write needs to write itself because i haven't even started it and it is due tomorrow at midnight. guess after class i am writing the paper. who knows. blarg.

you know what i want to do. sit on the blue bridge and just watch the cars go by. why? because i just want to. however, i want someone to come with me but i dont know who i want to go with me. wow. i was in a good mood earlier and then i became blarg. haha. you know whats funny...how someone says one thing and then they do the complete opposite the next. i feel like a friend of mine does that and doesn't expect me to get upset with them about it. who knows.

i want to watch Hercules, because i just do. it seems to be the disney movie i watch the least and i want to fix that. haha so speaking of weird. i am watching family guy right now and it has bert and ernie and basically putting it that they are gay lovers. haha. these guys just watched past my window and one was laughing like a girl. made me giggle a little bit. sorry these are random things.

i suppose, my paper is calling me to start it. bahaha. i shall talk to you later!!
laters!

dont rain on my parade!

day number six!

so to start off BLACK SWAN IS THE MOST EPIC MOVIE I HAVE SEEN IN THE LONGEST TIME! yup! however it is not a movie unless you want to watch a girl pleasure herself and then have lesbian sex with a girl and then just have a lot of blood. haha. i saw it with my best friend today and let me tell you. it was great that we have the theatre to ourselves because. haha. we enjoyed that movie ... a little to much i think. HAHA! oh well. i loved it. and i plan on buying it and i plan on watching it again!

so another part of the story to due!

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after jayden watched vincent leave and go to the hospital she didn't sleep all night. why? because she wasn't able to get the picture out of her head. what had happened anyway? jayden laid in her bed staring at the ceiling and then she looked at his briefcase and tried to ignore the fact that she was trying to figure out how she could help him. but at the same time she was afraid to go near jaycee due to him being pissed off at her for getting caught. she tried to sleep but it wasn't working, she kept looking at her phone and was waiting for jaycee to call her. he didn't care what time of day it was, all he wanted to know was how she got caught and he would find something else to bitch about so she felt bad. time seemed to be going super slow but she didn't know what to do. the girl decided to get up and go take a shower, her phone was sitting on the counter in her bathroom when she jumped in the shower.

telling the steaming hot water fall down her body she wet her hair and just stood there thinking. she sighed to herself and just shook her head and let the water fall over her face. "what the hell am i suppose to do? parker is going to think i did something to him and then jaycee is going to kill me. ugh what am i suppose to do?! i can't deal with all of this right now!" she said to herself, she didn't care if she was talking to herself or not, sometimes it helped her feel a lot better. jayden popped her head out of the shower to hear jaycee's ringtone going off. "fuck..." she turned the water off and just stepped out of the shower. the girl answered her phone and sighed. she didn't even get a word out before she heard jaycee's voice come through the phone. putting him on speaker phone she grabbed her towel and wrapped it around herself. grabbing her phone she walked out of her bathroom and into her room. seeing that it was only 5am she just sighed and groaned. "jayden what were you thinking?! seriously i thought you were better then that! how many times do you have to get caught before they finally find a way to keep you away from me! huh? and what the fuck is going on with vince! what happened? what did you do? huh?" she listened to him, why? because she wasn't sure what to say to him.

jayden looked around her room and saw his stuff. the girl ignored it and then went to her closer grabbing her clothes. as she was getting dressed she replied to jaycee "i didn't do anything to vince. god damn it seriously do you think i would hurt him or something! he fell to the ground and i didn't know what to do. he told me to just go home so i started to head off but then i noticed him on the ground when i looked back! so lay the fuck off!" she didn't want to listen to the whole vince issue right now. all she wanted to do was know that he was perfectly okay and that he would still be there for her. "as for getting caught. good question. why dont you ask someone that is suppose to have my back! your men are suppose to make sure that i am being covered but no, of course not. its not my fault that parker found out where i was and what i was doing!" jayden seemed to be the only one who could argue with him or yell back at him. she didn't give a shit if he got pissed off at her or not. it wasnt her fault that vince got sick or whatever, and it wasn't her fault that she got caught. fully dressed the girl laid back on her bed, hair yet, phone laying on her chest as she listened to jaycee bitch on and on about something she didn't care about. "i got the job done didnt i!?" she asked, seeing how she did get the job done. it was after the fact that she got caught. which at that point they didn't know where the money went.

she could hear jaycee talking to someone else and bitching at them about something. she smirked and knew what it was about. he was bitching at the men who were suppose to help her out. when he came back on the line she pretended that she was pissed off. "yes you did. since you did the job, i will give you your share plus something extra." she smirked a little bit, she wanted to know what it was going to be. sometimes he gives her expensive things, for example, jaycee gave her a new car the last time she did a good job on something. "come over when you get some more sleep. sorry if i woke you up jayden. i am going to the hospital to see if vince is alright. just stay out of trouble!" he wasnt joking either. the girl's smile fell when he said something about vince. "let me know how he is doing jaycie. i love you." she said and then the line went dead. jayden looked at the clock and sighed. she closed her eyes and then she tired to fall asleep. it didnt take long this time for her to fall asleep finally.

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sorry its short tonight.

later blog!

six feet under scream but no one seems to hear a thing

day number five!

so tonight i am going to hold off on the writing a story thing. due to my writing muse i will probably post parts of it every other day. giving me more time to think of the whole thing and figure out what to write. that way i dont end up not writing the story at all. so yeah. right now want the truth. i am pissed off at the world. why? because people are stupid and apparently i am stupid because of it. why? because i am failing a class. yup! I AM FAILING THE EASIEST CLASS EVER! but no, i dont seem to let people know this because i dont want people thinking i am stupid for it. i am sorry but yes, i am failing a class. want to know the last time i failed a class.... never! thats right. never have i failed a class and i am to the point where i dont care anymore. its math, and i am normally good at math  but no not this time apparently. why? good question. the professor over explains things and then i dont focus in class. so yes i know it is my fault. i understand it in class and yet i dont understand it when i leave the class. i am to the point where i want to drop the class because it is going to fuck up my gpa and i want to go to italy for a year and get the fuck away from here!

i haven't a clue. dont get me wrong i like helping my friends but sometimes i dont know what to tell them. i sound like a broken record and i feel like i just have to shut up and not say anything. and then i start thinking. for example. boys. i talk to people about boys, mostly on how to help them. but i haven't dated anyone and guess what, i am "fine" with that. but i have kissed several boys which probably makes me a whore. but that is okay. go ahead and think that. makes me wonder why i am not that girl yet. i mean i am the friend but not the girlfriend. makes me wonder what is wrong with me sometimes.

oh well. i just went for a walk. [yes i have been working on this blog for awhile] and i made me feel better. i vented to my best friend and sort of screamed at the top of my lungs. however. i didn't scream loud enough so i might start doing that. just going for a walk with my friend and just venting and then screaming at the top of my lungs. i dunno. well i guess i am going to be done for the night. i am just checking my status on facebook and it makes me smile at who has liked it and who commented on it. funny thing is, most of the people who commented are my friends from home and people who liked it are a few friends from college who dont judge me and then high school friends.

the status is. "yes i drink, i get smashed, and i talk about sex in a joking matter. go ahead judge me"

the one comment from my friend zach is. "your not a book so i cant judge you =]"

this one made me smile because he is the one person i talk to about everything and it means a lot to me that he said that. so i thank him.

later blog. sorry for the venting and i shall get back to my story tomorrow!

tell me something i dont already know?!

day number four! [haha yes i know. i failed yesterday.] okay so i just had my art history exam. seriously how do they expect up to remember all of these artist names?! i mean you have Goya, Cole, Copley, um...Adam, David, Hogarth see! there are a long more but i dont remember them all. but still i know that i got one of my IDs wrong since i messed up on the artist since it was Adam and yeah. oh well. so we have Holga cameras right now for photography. yeah there are light leaks in the camera, which is normally bad but this is suppose to be a good thing for them. who knows. but all i know is i haven't had the motivation to do any of my photography assignments. which is sad. maybe i need summer to come so i can have some time away from photography. even though i have to buy a camera and a laptop for class. but anywho, yeah we will see. 

so like i said i was going to maybe start typing a story for you all. and i haven't really figured out what type of story to do. seeing how lately i haven't been able to figure out stuff with my writing muse. yay writers block. mer. i haven't a clue. i am trying to figure out what i could write about. i have an idea but i dont know how to start it out. hm.. we will see i suppose. okay lets try this. well maybe i will try it later since i cant seem to figure out what the heck to write about. i mean, i could do something with a criminal. that sounds like a good idea about stuff. mer. haha how about a criminal, the mafia and the fact that she falls in love with a lawyer but shouldn't be falling in love with him because of her past and what she does for a living. i might do that. when i am not distracted with stupid homework right now. so tomorrow. if i have time tonight i will start writing it and then put some of it up for tomorrow. haha. i have no idea what i feel like writing about. 

wow i feel like i am repeating myself a lot. so anywho, this weekend was fun. i didnt do much friday. and saturday i went and had a fun time with three high school friends and two friends from college. and yeah lets just say that i was feeling high and mighty. no i wasn't high. but i was smashed. it was fun. why? because it was . haha. no i dont go out every weekend and drink. but i do every once in a while. does it bother people? yes, yes it does. but does it bother me? no because i am smart when i do it. bahaha. so ya! if you have a problem with it. then bite me. sorry but people live their own lives and every once in a while they are allowed to have fun. why am i talking about this? i dont have a clue. but i have some friends that are probably against it. and that is perfectly fine. i am not going to hide who i am anymore. i mean why hide something from people that is me.

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having the life of a criminal isn't always the way it is suppose to be. working with the irish mafia is also annoying when the person who you are working for treats you like his sister but at the same time treats you like shit at the same time. jaycee martin williams has been treating jayden avery huntington like a sister and yet she tries to get him to say that he loves her like a sister for the longest time but she hasn't been able to. why? who the hell knows at this point. he has been in really weird mood swings for the longest time. jayden never knows how to fix things with him because he is being stupid and likes to push her away. it doesn't matter anyway, she has found her fun in life and that is hacking into banks to get money out of clients accounts that owe the williams money. yes jayden was a hacker and she was the best out there. sometimes she gets caught and then she calls her lawyer, well jaycee's lawyer and best friend but still, she was able to call him as well. its funny how she can get out of anything when it came to vincent ryan porter. he has always been there for jayden and she hates that about him. why does she hate that about him? because she is slowing starting to fall in love with him and she doesn't want to be in love with him. why? because she is something that he hates, he cant stand that she is into crime and she is told this every time he bails her out of jail. 

jayden is a girl that likes to take chances and likes to cause people pain, which is why she never went into the career she was going to be in after graduating college. jayden graduated college, but then she figured out that she was good at hacking and the williams offered her a job better then any photography business could offer her. she still does photography on the side, when she finally gets a day off from being stupid with her life. jayden's parents and basically her whole family hates her right now because of it. her sister doesn't even talk to her and they live a few cities away from each other.  she didnt give a crap really it was just something that gave her nightmares sometimes. jayden has the worst nightmares but never talks to anyone about them. she figures they mean nothing but sometimes they keep her awake all night and there are times that she doesn't go to sleep unless she takes cold meds and lately they haven't been working at all. she just ignores them lately and when someone asks she just tells them it is nothing and she was up late working on a case for jaycee. 

however today of all days she wasn't having a nightmare, she was in a nightmare. she was sitting in the interrogation room with her favorite chief of police, parker lauren johnson. parker was out to destroy jayden's life and for some reason today was probably going to be her day. she doesn't know how jayden got caught this time because she was being really careful about everything she did. sitting there in the handcuffs jayden just smirked. she wasn't going to jail or anything, because she had already called jaycee who wasn't happy but he had called vincent to come bail her out again. yes jayden has been caught a few times but that was earlier when she started her life of crime. "damn parker there is no way you are keeping me here today" jayden said smirking like she always did. parker just looked at jayden and laughed at her. "nice try walsh. but i have you this time. you fucked up big time and there is no way you are getting out of my claws today." parker got closer to jaydens face and jayden just smirked. she could hear someones voice getting closer and closer and she knew who it was. just before she could say anything the door opened and the one voice she was waiting to hear called in "ms. walsh do no say anything else. johnson, nice to see you again. now if you could please let me client go i would be more then happy." he said and parker just shook her head no. the two of them talked it out and jayden was told to shut up basically over and over again. the girl just sat there finally and ignored them. vincent wouldn't let her talk at all and she didn't care. she was able to smirk and parker most likely thought it was her smirking about him bailing her out again. however, she was smirking at the fact that she gets to see vincent be all lawyer like. 

finally jayden was free and she just walked out of the room not waiting for vincent this time. well normally she doesn't but sometimes he makes her wait for her and she normally doesn't listen and then she gets yelled at by jaycee. which is funny because that was going to happen soon anyway, seeing how jaycee was already pissed off at her. jayden walked out of the station and of course her car was already picked up by some of jaycee's people she was walking home. it wasnt to bad outside so it didn't matter if she walked or not. she just pulled her jacket tighter around her and started walking through central park. vincent followed her and had sighed "jayden stop right there." she wasn't going to listen but for some reason she stopped and turned around to look at him. of course she had that look in her eyes like she didn't care about him but deep down she was screaming for him to just touch her. "what do you want vince?" the girl said starting to get cold. she hated new york weather, it was a bitch when it got cold out. she knew it was worse in other places in the united states but she didn't have time to go on a vacation. vince however just looked at her "when is this going to stop jay? parker is going to get a ton of shit on you and then there is no way that i am going to bail you out! could you please just try and be smart about this shit." he said slightly upset at her. the boy had his own secrets that she did not know about him. there was no file on him anywhere and yet she has tired to look for one. vincent has heart problems, and he is suppose to take medicine when he is starting to feel pain come on. today he forgot his medication at home because he was in a hurry from home to get to the office and then to go bail jayden out. jayden just looked at him and laughed a little. "seriously vince, i dont normally get caught! i dont know how they figured it out and now i have to go get screamed at by jaycee. so go a head and just leave me in there. for crying out loud, it might do me some good dont you think? i mean whatever will the williams do if i end up in jail. ha i am sure i can handle everything on my own." she was being a bitch and he was getting pissed off at her. she always did this to him and he wasnt sure why. deep down he was in love with her, even though the girl he was suppose to marry died in a horrible accident that he hates talking about. which is probably why there is no file on him, jaycee took care of that for him. vincent looked at the girl and just shook his head. "fine then. dont have him call me the next time you get in trouble. and if he does call me i will just tell him you dont want me to bail you out anymore. it doesn't look good for me anyway!" he said as he hugged his jacket closer to him as well. the boy just stared at her perfect lips. he wanted to kiss her so badly but couldnt. he was having a hard time getting over the fact that she was beautiful and very smart but being in the life of a criminal. vincent knew what was going on, he started to feel a pain in his chest and he just turned, closed his eyes and tried to stop this feeling from happening. "just go home jayden." he said not wanting her to see him in pain and yet he didn't realize he forgot his medication until he reached into his pockets and didn't feel a bottle in them. "of fuck" he said to himself and yet she could hear him still. 

jayden looked at vince sort of concerned about what was going on. "whats wrong vince?" she said and he didn't answer. she sighed and was getting annoyed even more. "vincent ryan porter what is wrong!" yes she knew his whole name, and yet she only used it to drive him nuts. "nothing jayden go home." he said as he started to walk away. she sighed and just turned around and started walking towards her place. vincent was trying to get his cell phone to call someone to help him but he fell to the ground and just laid there. he couldn't help but moan in pain. jayden didn't know why, but something told her to look back at him. and when she did her eyes became very wide and she ran over to him. falling onto her knees she grabbed her cell phone and pressed the numbers 9-1-1 she knew it was a bad idea because they probably thought she was being stupid for calling. "911 whats the emergency?" said a women and then jayden answered very quickly. "please, i need an ambulance right away! a man is in pain, i think he is having a heart attack or something. we are in central park by the police station." jayden said as she listened to the women tell her someone is on their way. she knew some police officers would be running over here quickly and she was correct. the person she saw was parker and she knew she needed to try to explain she didn't do anything. parker didn't say anything to her right away. all she did was run over to vincent and check to see what was wrong. some other officer asked her question and it wasn't long before the ambulance was there and he was on a stretcher. jayden didn't go with but she knew she had to call jaycee and tell him. jayden wasn't sure what to do right now, she was just concerned about vincent and what jaycee was going to say. jayden grabbed vincent's briefcase and stood there for a while unsure what to do...........

everyone fails sometimes.

haha. wow. i was just laying in bed and i realized i missed a day. oh boo. well this is day THREE of the posting everyday in April. i am going to post twice today due to my epic fail. its been a longish weekend filled with partying on saturday to studying for art history on sunday. so. you can see why i failed at posting a blog this time. so basically this is a blog saying that i epically fail at posting a blog. haha. but no really. art history is hard to study for. you have to memorize all these artist names, date and the titles of the pieces. at least we only had to study seven lectures instead of the normal ten or so lectures.

well this is my short blog and i shall post another one later today. and this time i will start my story that i was planning on starting for it. haha.

later blog!

baby your a firework!

howdy! today is DAY NUMBER TWO of the blogging everyday type of thing that is going on. haha. well today is a meh day. mostly filled with homework. haha i have four papers to write. well three in which to start and one to finish. WOAH! oh well. i figured i would take some time from researching Salvator Rosa and write my blog before i forget to do this. haha. anywho, so if you are wondering who Salvator Rosa is, he is an Italian painter. yeah i am working on my art history paper which isnt to bad. just analyzing two art works and explaining the differences and the similarities woo! but yeah. i am researching Jacob van Ruisdael and Salvator Rosa which is pretty amazing right now. um..no. haha. woo hoo!

so i was trying to think of something to do about this blog everyday thing. since i have no idea what i would talk about over the whole month. but i figured i could write a story. why? because i think my muse on writing is dying and i sort of hate it right now. because i loved to write and i use to write all the time like i have said in a blog before this. haha. but now the question is. why type of story should i write in this blog? hm...a funny one? or how about one that just comes to my mind later on in the day. i think that will work. i will just have to write down ideas when they come to me. lets wait and see!! haha. i will probably start the story tomorrow after i work on my homework and study for my art history exam. mer mer mer mer.

i suppose my break is over. and i shall be back later to post another blog with the story of my story on it!

woo hoo day number two is done!

ready.set.lets.go!

so its been awhile since i last typed something. why? because there hasnt been much to say lately and thats okay. oh well that is fine. there has been really bad days and good days. the retreat was this weekend and the only uncomfortable thing was the bible studies. i am not one to do that and i haven't been able to figure out what to say during them either. also, today is April Fool's day.. woo? i could care less. since it isn't fun anymore. i mean, today is my aunt jenny's birthday. which means she would have been 73 haha no she would have been 37 today. which sucks. because it isnt a day to call my grandma because this is going to be the horrible day for anyone in the family. anywho, so lately i have been in a blah mood. probably because ive been sick but whatever.

so today is twins opener! which is awesome. i dont have a twins jersey or anything. which is sad. because i realy want one. haha. i have no idea. i am not a really big twins fan. but i plan on going to a game or two this year. hopefully. so anywho. this one is going to be short probably because i have no idea what to talk about. haha. so my friend Banana and I are going to try and post a blog every day in April. haha this should be interesting because it is hard to talk about things sometimes! HAHAHA! :) i mean haha oh well. we will see how it goes!

later blog! hopefully i have something to talk about later.